26th July

Went back to office today to normalise back my fire system and put back all those AV equipment that I had dismantled for some refurnishing works.. I also can use this time to escape from the noisy house for a while..

She also went back today... Initially she planned to go home after the works but when I told her I wanted to go walk walk to escape from the noisy house, she agreed to accompany me even she is feeling tired... Maybe I was a "simple" guy, I was touched by her intention, whether will it come true, that another thing... After work completed, we proceed to Vivocity and walk around.. Happy times passed fast.. soon it is time for her to go home for her home cooked dinner.. Wanted to ask her some questions but the questions just can't come out from my mouth... After she board the bus, I decided to sms her the questions "How is she and him?" and "How is the "how ah".. The answer she replied is quite depressing.. I had walked down to the mrt but upon hearing the answer, I went up again to look at the sea... hoping the sea can bring my troubles away... but things just always don't happen as expected... The sea is still, same as my troubles.. She had sms me a few times but I just don't know what to reply... I scare I might caused her as miserable as me.. I already knew that I should not pressure her for a decision again and again but my heart just can't do it... Now I understand how selfish love is.. To give her up, I can't bear to... To continue as it is, I feel insecure, I scare one day she will just go back to him.... What should I do??

Decided to walk back home from there.. The route is so familiar even though it is 3 years back during my 2nd job... During that time, my mood when walking this route is that dreadful feeling.. Maybe it is fated that when I take this route this time, the feeling is similar... don't know what to do.. the difference is this time round, I think she will be there to lead me through the mist.. but I might not accept her offer as I know after this mist, she might disappear and I had to face a thicker mist alone... so why should I let a single problem affecting 2 person in the first place when eventually I am the only one that need to face it... One person miserable is better than two...
也许放弃 才能靠近你
不再见你 你才会把我记起
时间累积 这盛夏的果实
回忆里寂寞的香气
我要试着离开你不要再想你
虽然这并不是我本意
盛夏的果实

Nonsense from home, conflicts, stress from work, issues between me and her, how long can I hold on my strong front in front of others and acting like nothing had happened at all... I think only she know about all my problems as family matters I usually don't revealed to others...