13th July

Today is the earliest day to fall out from the camp due to we had finished our proficiency test sooner than expected. So fast tomorrow is the last day of reservist..

I promised to wait for her but sometime I simply just can't hold on my feelings.. Whenever my phone received new message, I hope it is from her but always it is those nuisance user complaints tickets from my office.. Recently become so emotional, maybe is due to I had not seen her for so many days and the only way of contact is through msn or sms.. Somehow without seeing her make me feel rather uneasy.. Once again, I admire her boyfriend can only meet her once a week and go overseas for half a year.. I just didn't see her for 3-4 days, I already find it hard to endure even there is sms and msn going on... The feeling is I never experienced before, does that mean I didn't treat my previous relationship as serious as this? I know because of my "status", many things got a limitation such as I wanted to know how she have been? Busy for the day? Anything she need help or share with me? None of this I can do as I afraid she might just ignore me forever...

This time round, I admit defeat.. I don't know how but she managed to break me down emotionally... She had told me don't think too much but no matter how hard I tried, my thinking would eventually goes to her... I don't wish to give her up as I know I might not find another one that is same like her... If fate arranged for the site rotation which permits us to know each other, when can we be together?

A couple in love should be happy but why she always don't seem so.. and this made me feel sad also... Is she just holding on? Does she feel anything for me? Touched for all the things I done for her? Her boyfriend more suitable for her? Her boyfriend can bring more happiness to her? Does I got any place in her heart? Did she ever got think of me? Does she know my "suffering" everyday? I got too many questions to ask her but I know this will just pressurize her more... so all these questions will remain in my heart... I just hope one day, she can pick up her courage, be fair to herself and follow her heart... I remember she said before, during a breakup, the gal will suffered tremendous stress and sadness.. I wanted to let her know, no matter what happen, I will be there for her...
"没别的 只想说对不起 对不起 我真的爱你
不管你会怎么想 你怎么说 也不会改变我的决定
你知道 有时候感情事很难说 很难说 爱人或朋友
从前到现在我真的感觉要 一想你 我的心就发烧

想给你听我的心跳 想你知道我睡的不好
喝水想着你 搭车想着你 合眼闭眼间 出现的全是你
我猜不到你的表情 我等不到你的回应
不想难为你 又不想放弃你
决定告诉你 对不起对不起 我爱你"
对不起我爱你

I notice one thing, whenever I sms her, there will sure be some delay in her reply which I don't mind... As long as she got replied, I am already contented.. But what make me curious is why she need to delay in replying? I "choose" to act blur for thinking of an answer... as I don't want to face any "bad" news anymore...

For her info, every song in all the post represent my thinking to her...