24th July

Today is like election day. In the morning, my vote seem on the low end. Thinking should I just withdraw from the election. At night, it turn out my votes is on the high side, overtaking him. I was so happy..

The dreadful feeling come back to me again after last night msn with her.. The feeling of standing at the crossroad, don't know what to do... Wanted someone to provide me advice but no one is there.. Everything in front seem like a mist, can I really walk through it alone? After doing so much, I still don't know what her thinking and I am getting tired of guessing her thinking and worse, most of the time she said is wrong. With the office conflict and her "issue", I don't know how long I can still hold on... Throughout the whole day, I don't know what should I do or talk to her, so I remain quiet.. She also noticed my strange behavior and asked me am I all right... I keep thinking will my give up really make her feel happy and is this what she truly want? If that is so, I would "fulfill" her wish. As I had said before, the reason why I still at this job is because of her.. so if give up, it will also mean I would leave this job and disappear from her sight so as not to bring back any sad memories.. I am prepared for the night talk and if the worst scenario is to happen, the following monday will be my last day in the office and my leave will be used to cover the whole notice of termination..

At night, I finally know her thinking. My morning initial plan to leave has changed.. She shared with me her story. After listening, I seriously not regretting making my move of letting her know how I feel in the first place.. I will most probably be a more suitable person to her and treat her better than him. To me, I will suggest her to break as the feel is not there anymore. It may pain but is better short term than long term. Summon the courage and tell him the word "break". She might not have the chance to do it again because I will try my very best not to let her say it. She keep told me she don't have an answer but in her heart, I can see she had already make a decision. I guess she just looking for a way to break the news to him. Who know that is what he waiting to hear also.. Haha... I am bad...

For a long long time, I had never feel so happy before. You had added colors to my life and I hope one day, my life will become a master artpiece by you. Even though this is an old phase, but I hope the moment when I can say it to you directly can come sooner. "I LOVE YOU!!"
"Now, I belong to you
From this day until forever,
Just love me tenderly
And I'll give to you every part of me.

Oh, don't ever make me cry
Through long lonely nights without us.
Be always true to me,
Keep this day in your heart eternally."
Lover's Concerto