3rd September

Sometimes I wonder can I really give her happiness? Will I treat her better than him? Will she really be happy with me? Will I share everything with her? Will I stay by her and cheer her up when she is down? Can I shelter her from anything? Will I face everything with her? Am I worthy of her?

If she scare of how people inside office will see us when we are together, I don't mind been a normal colleague or friend during office hour and together after office hour. Anyway I had said it will not be long that we might be in different sites. If she scare people ask her this and that, I will help her to think of answers or answer on her behalf. Most probably this is my wishful thinking again...

She told me yesterday she had gone out alone to look at something.. Maybe she don't know I don't mind accompany her to anywhere or look at anything.. Whenever I saw something nice just like those variety show introducing nice food or places, I hope I can be there with her...

Today meeting is nothing but more work. Already busy enough and still ask me to teach the shift engineer within the time frame, so client will be more "satisfied" with the service level. Almost all is more experienced than me, how to teach them? Ask me to feedback on them, I not so stupid again to tell the truth, I know my answer will be finding problem for myself. It should be a happy thing when people forcasting their leave but why am I not?

I really can't be as noble as 小鲍, doing all sort of things for 常在心 and letting her be with her boyfriend. I can't always watching her and him together and deceiving myself... I am getting tired..... in terms of work and personnal with everyday went past while others still think is because I watch too much drama....

Somehow, I think I know what to do...

Will my absence have any effect to anyone? maybe time can really fade away memories as what she said. Everything might be back to normal after some time...

Wanted to share her more about my problems but I had said earlier that one day, I still have to face it alone, can't always rely on "good" friend, unless she told me I am more than that... Maybe just tolerate a little longer, then problems will no longer exist... Let the next person continue this "office political war"...