21st September

5 more days to shutdown.. These few days I had been thinking. If I withdraw, will she be happy? Can I really give up? Did I really strive for it beside using words? I know the answer is no. I never really show it in action how important she is to me. I only talk without action and keep pressuring for an answer. I didn't even have the courage to ask her out. When I feel like it, I talk to her. When I am moody, I will not talk to her. How will any girl want to be with me when I don't even consider in her place or neglect her feeling? I admit I am jealous when I know she is with him. It may be a good sign, as a person is jealous, this means that girl stand an important place in his heart. But jealous is not a reason for making unreasonable remarks or request to her. I will try to control my jealousy and not let it rule my head again. Time is running out and I will treasure it. All the moments will be happy I promised. I will not let anything at office affect her... Love a person doesn't mean how you want it to be but must let her know how you love her in action.

Tendering or leaving this site is a small issue as we still can be contactable.. But what if something more serious happen, only then she will really regret? Life is fragile, nobody knows what will happen the next moment... Why I didn't meet her 2.5 years ago? Can I turn back time? Is the only way that they will breakup is when he made a mistake again? Then I rather be selfish and pray that he will make mistake soon. Not to say I think negatively, but there is a possibility that if I were him, even I made a mistake again, I might not tell her.. How can she find out if I didn't tell the truth? especially I know that she had another guy in her heart.. I can just say nothing had happened... I don't expect her to think straightaway as the crossing over issue suddenly come in and I know she is quite troubled by it. But don't let the work issue mix up with her personnal as this work issue might last for months..

I think he will not give up anything for her sake, especially his interest. He will just put it off for the moment.. This also mean he will not give up the entire forest for a tree.. But if I meet the tree, I don't mind giving up the forest willingly... It might be a release for him if they were to breakup.. He will be able to go back to his favorite clubbing with his friends without any constraint.. since in his heart, he can't give up... Why she want to "force" him to do something unwillingly? Will there be happiness? How long can she control him? When both together, isn't to "click" with each other is important? If he like clubbing and she don't like, why still have to insist to be together? Is only a 2.5 years relationship.. I can't say it is short but it is not long either... As what the kid had said, if a couple meet everyday for 5 years, then it is long but if they only meet once or twice a week for 5 years, it is less than a couple with 2 years relationship... so I can say his 2.5 years is not exactly very long especially he had half a year overseas, meet once or twice a week.. A good boyfriend doesn't mean a good family man.. Hope she can think base on character and how the guy treat her, where she placed in his heart and not base on feeling that accumulated with time.. Everything will have feeling after a certain time... I served army for 2 years, I also had feelings for it but does that mean I don't want to leave? I would rather leave as fast as I could...

I glad that she realise why people say it is very "sian" when their relationship break and everything have to rebuild again BUT she say that doesn't mean she will not do it.. I will rebuild everything with her... If her current building is 10 storey, I will rebuild a 50 storey with her.. Since she know that I might not accept her again if she breakup with him in future, why can't she just treasure the chance she had now? I can say her trust and confidence in her current relationship is not that high. Why can't she just be hard hearted for once? Can she just think of the happy moments that we will have when we are together? Her family might have good opinion of him because they didn't have a full picture.. How long can she hide from them? Do she want to everytime hide inside the toilet and cry and cannot make any sounds? If her mum is like her boss and also like korean drama, I think she will be very happy that her daughter had know such a "good" guy that appear in korean drama, 细心，体贴，守候，保护，关怀，牺牲, etc..

From tomorrow onwards, it will be the final preparation week for the shutdown. It will be a little busy.. Will she ask me how is my work going on or offer her help? My luck with her seem not that good.. whenever I wanted to ask her out, she is always been "booked". She is really busy.... I want to ask her out for dinner, after that go for a walk and chat.. but the work schedule is quite packed till shutdown.. but that doesn't mean she had leave my mind, even for a second..