23rd September

Don't feel like waking up today, is not I am tired but just wanted to lie on bed and doing nothing. I know it is impossible for this whole week as weekend will be the shutdown. Wanted to give her a surprise on Thursday but again she not free as she need to collect her gown. This is the third time she not free when I ask her out. Is it so coincidence or we are not fated to go out?

Before she told me she wanted to go for the concert, I already got the intention to give her a surprise and "invite" her to go. But the tickets are "a bit" expensive and I scare she will give me a bigger surprise just like what happened in the past. And that really happened... But luckily, tickets are sold out last week and I don't need to consider... Then yesterday, through somewhere, I saw the tickets going for less than half the price. It will be good if the collection time for her gown can be changed, so we can go together to watch the concert. Even don't go for the concert, accompanying her to collect her gown, I will also be happy but I know she will not let me do that...

In the past, I think going for concert is waste of money and time. But sometime something if I never try, I will never know. Who know hearing live and hearing from CD is 2 different things? It might also be the reason that I haven't found a suitable person to go with me or changing my thinking for her. I hope she will believe the "never try will never know" idea.

I think these few days will be surprise after surprise for her. The tickets are meant to surprise her tomorrow while a song she looking for and I had found it is meant for today. I know she will be happy but why can't she give us a chance to start? What is she waiting for? What is still holding her back? Didn't my action, attentive, caring, concern show my love for her? Is she still in doubt? Sometime I wonder will he do the same to her or he just only do when been asked? Is giving him up so hard for her? Nothing can replaced her feelings for him? including the care, concern, attentive, feelings from me? 排除万难，就会有奇迹, out of difficulties, make miracles. Will that happen to me? I already know how hard and difficult to go after her. I promise I will treasure her very much and will not let her down. Can she believe me and let be together?

Went for lunch with her. I can sensed she is trying not to be too close with me as there is "someone" with us. I can remember her details clearly, drink, she prefer lemon tea; sauce, she prefer chilli to go with fries; noodle, she prefer bee hoon; etc. Is he also as attentive? Her answer would be, "I don't want to compare". Is uncomparable or she afraid to compare as it might reflect more of his "bad"?

She always say I am so "update" in various areas. If we are together, I will "update" and share with her everything, so she will be as "update" as me. We can discuss any topic as we both had the same interests, eg. magic show, lion dance, flowers, entetainment news, job related, etc. Can he also?

Why some girls would prefer fickle guys? They can change girlfriends within weeks and yet still got girls fall for them... I think from the day I go after her till now, the kid had changed 2-3 girlfriends... Since I am so "devoted" and good to her, why can't I be with her? Is it only after I am gone, then she will notice my "good" for her?

From what I "analysis", I guess there is some reason holding her back and she assume that I am unable to accept it. Can she just ask me directly and see if I can accept and don't always assume? Assumption is always misleading... I don't want we can't be together due to misunderstanding...