31st August

Can drinking really solve problem? Maybe it can help to escape from reality. Once the alcohol reach the brain, thinking will be stop and pain will slowly gone also. At that moment, it will be a trouble-less world. Everything been said and done will be base on feeling. Maybe is true that only when drunk, people will tell the truth. I don't know why but after drinking, courage will increase and sometime I really want to ask her can she be selfish for one time and leave him. But I know even I say that, it will not have any effect. Since she can't decide, should I just let go everything and leave this place? Don't bother about the work in hand, don't bother about the environment and lastly don't bother about her. Physically doing that is no problem but can my heart do that?

I told her I not "artistic", don't go for performance but I guess she also know if she ask me to accompany her, I will go no matter it is of my interest a not. But too bad, I know me not the first in her priority list. And somehow I can guess who is going with her on that day...

She asked by saying “not going to pressure” is it “withdraw”. The answer is no or maybe yes... But I know if this drag on for unknown duration, I will be really tired, the answer will be yes. I am not as “noble” as what she think. I can’t stay by her side for so long watching them as an item. Maybe I will not be around when she finally can decide who is better for her and by then, don’t think there is a need to think anymore as there is only him... The time to end will be the time I leaving this site...

Even though my handphone got many songs but whole day, I just repeating one song which represent what I wanted to told her, the song is "Nothing Gonna Change My Love For You"

Why she keeps moving me? She keeps giving me expectations, but in the end this happens. I wait by myself, I get hurt by myself. Once I am down, she chase up to me again. If I push her aside, she will persist to cheer me up. When I am back to normal again, I feel been ignored again. I hate this. Maybe our relationship will always be entwined, and never end, but I very mad about that. Can’t she just give me a chance after all the things I had done?