24th August

Should I continue to reveal my problems or feelings on this blog? I had told myself not to "disturb" her again... But by writing my stuff on this blog, isn't that I am disturbing her indirectly? I had cut down the times from going to msn even I know she is online, not to sms her for non crucial matters. Last time, when I feel like sms her, I will just do it. But now, I need courage just to press the send button or to online my msn...

I don't want to press her for decision but can't help wondering if she really is considering or she just waiting for "something" to happen between him and her before she will decide. If nothing happen between them, then there will not be any changes. I can accept and wait if she really considering. But unfortunately, to me, it seem like it is the latter reason, so what the point of waiting for an unknown outcome even though I believed I have a place in her heart as what she said...

Human always don't treasure what they have and only regret when it is gone. Will she regret if she had "missed" the chance for us? I really don't know... Maybe he stills the better one in her heart no matter bf or husband... Will my "disappearance" make any difference to her? another colleague just left the team and lost one lunch mate or a friend that become more distant? When time fades me away from her and she will be back to normal and happily with him again?

Every single day passed, I realized it is getting fruitless for my stay here... When the time I feel really fruitless, it will be the day I going to tender... Don't know when that day will come, it might be tomorrow or it might not come at all... But the feeling is getting stronger... I just a normal ordinary person, I also need some assurance... what I want to do and say, I already done... all is up to her... But I can confirm my feelings for her did not change at all...
我的眼中装满疲惫
面对自己总觉得好累

我也需要人来陪
不让我心碎
让我爱到深处不后悔
其实我并不像他们说的
那样多刺难以安慰

爱人的心应该没有罪
为何在夜里却一再流泪
每天抱着寂寞入睡
生活过得没有滋味

别问我是谁
请与我相恋
我的真心没人能够体会
像我这样的人不多
为何还要让我难过

别问我是谁
请和我面对
看看我的眼角流下的泪
我和你并没有不同
但我的心更容易破碎

Have I lost passion in my job? Last time everything I am eager to try but today, the kid wanted to try some new "invention", I straightaway reject... Maybe due to recent happenings, every day I am like a walking corpse. No mood to do anything...

Why she want to know what I had done? To me, it doesn't seem to have any effect besides satisfying her curiosity... How to list out everything? Most is daily miscellaneous stuff... What for I keep record of everything? For claim back purpose?

Can she please tell me my assumptions are wrong? I really can’t figure out what her thinking... When will she tell me how she feel or think? Once in a blue moon?