16th August

It seems like a long time since I had a break. Last night till this morning, I had been considering should I go back to office today… Maybe I should really learn to let go by showing it in action, so I decided not to go back. Feeling tired after my yesterday work... Maybe it is the last time that I will be working till so late on a Saturday night.... Whole morning lying on the bed, even though can’t sleep, just don’t feel like waking up… maybe I just want to escape by not facing anything…

These few days routine consists of work and sleep only… I think it will be the same for the near future… No matter what is the work, I will get involve, so I can be fully occupied and don’t have the time to think… I began to do more cleaning chores at office… cleaning tables, vacuuming carpets, etc… maybe time can passed faster this way…Why should people draw a clear cut between different levels? Recently at home, household chores also slowly increasing… Last time, I only in charge of folding all the clothing everyday. Now whipping a simple dinner also becomes my scope… but I don’t mind, at least I got something to do…

Is first impression really important? Why can’t people just accept flaws or imperfectness? I thought character can overcome flaws but it show otherwise… One flaw will prevail over how good one is… Don’t people know appearance is not everlasting but the inner beauty and character is? Does imperfect person means they have no right to choose?

What is the scariest thing in the night? Is when one wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep… The black loneliness will make one feel how helpless one is… I had experienced this many times… I can’t do anything and memories of the things that what you want to forget will slowly flow in… It gives a feeling of slowly weakening you till you fall asleep again…

Today is the half marathon day… I managed to complete 21km in 2 hr 10 mins last time… Can I still run again like last time? Not to say finish with the same timing, I think even to complete now is also a problem… Should I try it once more? Maybe I can just divert all my focus to the preparation of next year half marathon and forget other things…