13th August

What is the purpose of human living in this world? Do they live for themselves or are they living for others? I had been living aimlessly, searching for someone I can lived for... Isn't that will be more meaningful? Living for itself is agony. Only those experienced before will know exactly how it feel... When I thought I had found the someone I can lived for, it turn out that the someone is not meant to be...

Don't know why these few days my old injury start acting up again... tonight shouldn't be a problem falling asleep with the aching as I had a tired day at work... Why others can enjoyed chatting and drinking and I had to clear up the mess for them? That is life... I realised my appointment to others is a question mark... am I an engineer? technician? handyman? cleaner? haha.. even I am confused at times... but why should I bother so much? Important is I can occupied with tons of work... so time can passed better and accumulate my tiredness.... These few days, I feel a sudden "concern" from a few people... eg. pantry auntie change to buying another newspaper cause I casually mention that the usual newspaper she bought I got at home.. my vendor recently always say wanted to treat me to overseas... Is heaven trying to pity me cause fate had play a fool with me? Or they know that the time I working with them might be getting lesser?

Suddenly got a strange thinking after waking up this morning.. Actually what I had done shouldn't have happened at all... cause it just make no difference... everything is like in the past... behaving what normal colleague does.. She everyday come to work and go home when the time comes... I still the same, doing things that is within or not within my job scope, staying back till everything finish, then go home face back my loneliness... no more persuading her to go back earlier as is up to her if she wants to stay, I have no say over it.. unnecessary sms, chatting or msn will only happen once in a blue moon... maybe after a few months, she will be rotated away from this site... that will be the time when everything is really back to the same old time... If I still happened to be around, me, site manager and cleaning supervisor will be doing everything by ourselves... the only difference is by that time, my lunch will mostly be packing back or go on diet... cos there is no mood and no one to eat with...

Why should I cause so much problem for coming in between them and I also gained nothing in the end... only sadness and misery... She still with him and I still alone.. I shouldn't had let my feelings overrule my rational.. But I can feel I am slowly back to last time... not pinning any hope anymore, just trying to have more memories of the moments with her before either of us left... maybe I know no matter what I say or what I do, is still the same in the end... I am still the outsider... Did my heart finally died off with the feelings buried deep inside?
我等你
半年为期
逾期就狠狠把你忘记
不只伤心的
还包括一切甜蜜
你应该已经和他公开在一起
要等你
要证明自己
我可以纵容你在心底
也可以当你只是路过的人而已
爱到痛之极
才需要一段等你的限期
来遗忘自己
我等你