12th August

After a few days, finally going to post tonight... Maybe today my mood had become a little better... Last few days my mood is not that good, maybe is due to stress from various areas and the old injury suddenly ache again.. I also become emotional as a result and some of my action and words aren't my real intention... I don't know why I will blurt some words out, maybe I really need to vent some of my frustration... That also the reason why my reaction seem cold to her.. I so sorry about that... She is the first one that I reveal my family matters to.. and I am very grateful she is there to be a listener... Although is just a few days difference, now I feel more "free", not bounded by waiting for her to online, sms, waiting to go off with her or anything... If she online, I will chat with her.. If she not, I will not think so much.. Deliberately doing things for her doesn't show anything but adding more pressure to her... Maybe that is call let nature take it course...

Thinking back, I realised I had poured too much water to the plant... I thought by doing so, I can make the plant grow faster but it is the other way round, I almost made the plant died and I deeply regretted.. Do I still have the chance to see it grow healthily again? IF I am lucky to see the plant back alive, I understand that haste will only result in failure.. This time round, I will slowly watered and understand the plant, giving what the plant need and not giving the plant what I need... I will not forced it to grow faster again...

I don't know why today I can advise on my shift engineer on career prospect when my life is already in a mess... But he is really just like a kid, thinking everything can be achieve overnight.. can reach the same "level" as me by just getting the same certificate... Maybe he don't know how much effort I had put in to attain this "level"... and how high "rating" I once got....

She always told me that I always think too much.. Isn't she the same also? Just like today, repairing of handphone only and she can think so much... I just ask her if she want to me to stay and yet she can scare this and that such as hinder career progress... Maybe I have "babysit" a baby for some time and I understand how simple baby can be... Why can't adults be the same also? Why they need to think so much? Making simple things complicated... Just say whatever in their heart... Don't deceive oneself... One never know what will happen tomorrow, why can't we just treasure what is in today.. Is true that opportunities don't come easily but good suitable person is more harder to meet...
对你的思念
是一天又一天
孤单的我还是没有改变
美丽的梦何时才能出现
秋天的风一阵阵的吹过
想起了去年的这个时候
你的心到底在想些什么
为什么留下这个结局让我承受

最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
在我最需要你的时候
没有说一句话就走
最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
对你付出了这么多
你却没有感动过
你怎么舍得我难过