25th August

Did I really assume wrongly? I had misunderstood her? But can’t blame also, giving any clever guy also can’t understand her... Firstly, she persuades me to give up... Secondly, she says she want to reconsider... Thirdly, she says she had a decision... Fourthly, she says it is not as what I had thought… Fifthly, she says it may or may not be the way I stated... Can she just say what is her thinking to clear the misunderstanding? if there is any...

Today I don't know if I should apply for a job. I know if I applied, it will be high chance that I will get in... I really want to know what is her thinking before I decide especially what I written in my previous post "is she considering or just waiting for "something" to happen between her and him?" I scare I will make a wrong decision and regret... She had asked me if there is anything that can make me stay, of course there will be... Even I stay now, it will not hinder my career advancement or anything, as this will be just a defer and not a permanent stay put... I hope she will understand this...

I noticed she is wearing flat soles today. At first, I don’t know anything unusual, thought she is just changing her shoes to suit her dressing... Somehow I decided to packet back her lunch instead of the arrangement of going there to eat... Then at the end of the day, she told me her leg is in pain... Is this so call predestined? I had “saved” her from walking during lunch...

Is there someone like 小鲍 in real life? He can stay by 常在心 even he know she had someone else in her mind... He don’t mind waiting and care for her even when they become an item... It is “lucky” in the drama that the guy died and 小鲍 determined effort finally got paid off when he gets to be with 常在心... But wonder what if that guy didn’t die, and how 小鲍 will feel when they get married? Regret? Heartbreaking?

I had decided to treasure the time I had at this site because I also not sure how long I will be staying here… Maybe these will be the “sweet” memories of my stay here despite my political engineering team... Everything will become my fault even when other shift engineer didn’t do their job... Why should I be the bad guy to ensure when it is the manager job? Instead of covering each other as a team, someone will be “pushed” to 背黑锅 when something happen and unfortunately, most of the time is me as I am been “blacklisted”... My manager told me the “sly” boss is very disappointed and unhappy of unsatisfactory service level... But as if I cared anyway, even when facing the “sly” boss, I also “bo chup”... maybe I know my objective of staying here is different from the past… After that “scolding”, I wanted to find someone to talk to and that person that come to my mind is her but eventually, I hold back... Why should I keep “disturbing” her when the “status” is different from the past?