7th August

End of the work week... But not for me... Tomorrow still coming back to work.. The happy thing is she coming back at the evening to work and have dinner... How I wish she come back is to accompany me... When will that come true?

Yesterday she said she will told me what he had told her that upset her on the previous night. I waited through out the night for her to online. But disappointment come after one another when the online person is not her. Then came the sms that she no mood to online. Immediately I know he had hurt her again. Wanted her to share with me what happened, but she just refuse.. In the end, I had a sleepless night than her.. Whole night sms her... Morning she told me she is feeling better and asked can don't tell me what had happened... What am I exactly to her? I still can't share her problems? She still had doubts on me? Since is so hurting, why can't she just let go the relationship? I just can't bear to see her been hurt by him again and again... She is the one been hurt last night but today it seem like I am more worried and tired than her... feeling sleepy the whole day... why? She is more important than myself in my heart? Should I reveal more of my secrets to her? Have a decision already been made?

Sometime I really really don't know what to do... I can't tell anyone of your existence.. In front of all people, I had to hide my feelings for you. Even buy you an almond milk tea, I had to "sneak" in early to put it on your table before anyone came in. Why I need to behave like a thief just to express my care for you? When staying back or covering for you, I had to think of excuses. I know all these I do is willingly, nobody ask me to do that... But can you please put yourself in my shoe? I only ask for a chance to be together and you only tell me cannot.. When I ask for your consideration regarding us, you don't want to tell me... Sorry to say, don't you find yourself too cruel and heartless? I know I shouldn't blame you, it is my fault for loving you, causing you so much disturbance. But love matters who can control? Sometime I want to ask you directly, do you have feelings for me? If so, why can't you just give us a chance and don't bother other things so much... Why don't you just tell me everything? What you afraid of? What holding you back? What in your mind? Are you trying to test if I can withstand the time? What should I do for the chance? If I leave this site, will you give me a chance? If this is so, I will tender right away even I can't found a better job....

You show that you worry for me but sometime I don't know that is your care for me or you just trying to lessen your "guilt"? Maybe I think this is karma.. I must have own you a lot in my previous life, that why I need to repay in this life... I guess your family must be those happy type.. Can you imagine a house full of quarrel... At work, full of politics, one wrong step will land on mines... Finally found a girl I like but she just don't reciprocate my feelings for her... and worse, she always give me those disheartening, hurtful, disappointed reply... Can you imagine how stress my life is? When others ask me do I have any girl in mind, I have to lie to them... When others ask am I chasing you, I had to say no again.. I try to restraint myself but everytime I see you or any message from you, my effort will gone down the drain.

Leaving a guy that hurt you doesn't mean end of the world. I know you just had a bad time with him, I shouldn't at this moment cause you to be more miserable. Sometime, I even don't mind to be his substitute just to get your love. Can you please stop torturing yourself with him? He had hurt you more than enough... If you want to "degrade" yourself, I will accompany you... I will reject all offerings no matter how good it is and stay in this site with you.. I will resume back my physical training despite my injury worsen... till you decide to stop torturing yourself...

If you tomorrow night come back to office just to lessen your "guilt", I rather you don't show up... I know my tonight post is a bit of the extreme, hope you don't mind.. just venting out my frustration a bit....
The memories
The things we did
I locked inside my heart
Where i know i won't forget

And now, who's to say, we'll be ok
We will make it through the night
Don't wanna wake up in this state
I just want us both to smile

Cause we're the same
And I know that we'll never change
look I bought your favorite ice cream
I don't want to see it melt away

If you walk out now
I don't know if we could be the same
Baby just talk with me
Cause I want you to stay here with me
Ice Cream (Talk To Me)