My thought and reply...

I was really surprised you will reply to my blog. This is the least that I had expected. And you had read and replied in such a late timing… sacrificing your “favorite pastime”… For your info, this will be a long post....

Remember you told me a "can't tell" personal problem that your past relationship all can't accept? Recently, I unintentionally roughly know what you referring to. The consideration I saying is your consideration for your decision... What if I tell you I can accept your "can't tell" personal problem, will there be any changes?

Everyone will feel sad when I leave this site including the pantry auntie. Maybe I am too 霸道 this time, I want to know how sad you will be and sad from what perspective? I admit last time I over emphasis and concern on you. I thought I staying for your sake. But is just 50-50 actually, 50 for you and 50 for the team and environment. But is also because of you, I interact more with the team and make me more can't bear to leave. I never realised how much this site had become my second home till I had a talk with my site manager. Though I belong to engineering, you, site manager and cleaning supervisor had become my 3 important persons in my career path. Site manager to me is a very good superior, cleaning supervisor to me is a very good "assistant" and you to me is a good companion which I wish we can become more than that. Maybe my expectation is high, to be frank, I think there still many areas for you to improve... I not that good also but I think I still can help you improve "a bit". That is me, I usually think of others before myself. Just like what I told the offering company "if my shift engineers haven't settled their switching, I will not be going over also". Before you went off yesterday, you told me you don't know engineering, so don't understand the quotation I doing. I wanted to reply you, if you willing to learn, I will teach you what I know. It will be sufficient for A&A works and daily stuff. But in the end, I hold back. You should know I don't let people know much of what I know as I am a very "protective" person. By allowing myself to teach a person of more than 50% what I know, that person stand a very important place in my heart. To go far, you need to be technical, management and paperwork sound. Maybe I am over confident, I think I don't have a big problem picking up in the 3 areas but you might not be as smooth as me. So my last time idea is to "guide" you and let you pick up bit by bit and once you on the track, that will be the time I can go off peacefully.

You are right, I want to know why you had chosen him over me, is it still the same till now? I just want to know frankly, is he whom you really happy with? In your heart, is he your ideal bf or even husband? Maybe I had think too far... I know you are a filial girl, partly due to you are only child. Will he take care of you and your parents? Sometime I really wish to know what had happened between you and him, what he had done that you had so deep feelings for him? You had disappointed me many times but every times after I feel sad or angry, I still hope there is a chance for us. If you told me we are unsuitable, up to now, I still think we had too much common interests and topics. Will you regret if you didn’t give us a chance to start?

I don’t know what his character is? Maybe I had assumed wrongly again… He might be filial, care for you and your family, had deep feelings for you, do many things for you, planning to go down the road with you, etc. That why he is very important in your heart and you don’t wish to give him up… I can tell you how good I am but it is all lies till you experienced it yourself… so IF there is a chance, I rather you explore it yourself …

Maybe I am too observant and sensitive. I don't know why you don't like to mention him in front of others. Maybe you find it is your personal problem, so no need to "publicise". But some time, I find you can go to the extent of deliberately don't want to mention him. Just like when your handphone dropped, it is him that notified you, right?

A couple together should not need "concentrating". They should feel relaxed instead, it will based on feeling, no need to think when talking, can just speak freely. If everytime together also need "concentrating", doesn't that mean when married, your mind will not be able to rest?

Dating doesn't mean have to spend a few hours together, even a simple dinner together will be sufficient... Is the thought and quality that counts, not quantity. I just find to become a couple, is just not between the 2 person but also the 2 families. Why people always think dating cannot have your family along? The only reason I can think of any one party still have doubt in the other party. If can't separate 亲情 and 爱情, why don't lump it together. 人以孝为先.

For me, I don't mind bringing my gf and my family out together or vice versa, I can accompany her with her parents. cause I know if married, I still had to face them for long. Singapore is so small, can't be every dating also go out. Some time, accompany her to watch performance, shopping for her items, watching drama or doing household chores at her house can also consider dating. Even shopping for goceries, whipping a simple meal for the whole family will make the day. I think this way, maybe that what I been doing over the weekends... I will not let my gf tear between me and her family... To be together, there need to be give and take and there no such thing as worthy for each other a not. Everyone got their flaws, by loving each other, it also include their flaws. Loving my gf not only sharing her problem, taking care of her only but also her family also. If not, how will they have faith to entrust their daughter to. Filial is not only show by giving gifts but also the small action. Of course, there will be times when it will be "two person world", so it will depend on how well the time management is. For whatever reason if my gf is tired and even she had “requested” not to meet, I will still do things that help her relaxed, even by looking at her or accompanying her home, I will still be happy… But human is selfish… of course I will expect something in return… I expect her to be considerate, accept my flaws, sharing my joy, sorrow and problems, understand me, don’t hide anything from me and continue to “upgrade” in her career… I want one day, others will be proud of us in career or anything and me and she is proud of each other also…

By telling you all this, I am not forcing or hinting anything. I just don't want to live with regret. I hope you will not also. I know there might not be a chance of meeting the same person as you again and same as you of meeting me once we had "crossed" each other path. 过了这个山就没有这个村. As what I had asked you earlier, can you please ask yourself truthfully, will he be the guy that can give you happiness and entrust yourself to?

I don’t want you to think “I am not worthy for such a good guy”, “I had let him down many times and don’t deserved anything”, “I will hinder his career advancement”, “I can’t repay of what he had done for me”, etc. Can you just think who you are happy with or who can give you happiness? Only you yourself can determine your future… can you think for yourself this time round? I hope you can continue to tell me what you want to tell me last night…