Last Gift? (11:28pm)

I had decided to post this post at this hour because tomorrow I will be working rather late. By the time you read this, you should already have received my letter and the tickets. I don’t know how will you feel and react. I hope it didn’t spoil your day as like national day. As I had said, this most probably is my last time doing such thing.

There had been rather more flowers inside the office this week but none of the flowers can compare with the one that you rejected in terms of size and beautifulness. The bouquet I intended to give you is of mango and light pink roses. I don't know if you ever saw before. Is a pity that the bouquet doesn’t have a chance to come out of the florist shop.

I had been waiting for you to tell me what is your consideration and thinking. But till now, you never tell me anything. I am tired of insisting to know the answers. You said if I wanted to know anything, I can just ask you but I know you will not answered also. Your no reply somehow becomes an answer to me. Maybe I felt going round this triangle is not a solution for the 3 of us, so I decided to withdraw from this triangle and give you 2 my blessing. I really don’t know how you feel, maybe you also think the same as me… I guess you are also in a dilemma in deciding, maybe my action will help you in making a decision and that is with him.

You ask me why I look sad on Thursday. I told you the reason now. The moment you told me your bf, I know you 2 still going on fine. That is also partly in making my decision to withdraw. Maybe you can say I am jealous, I can’t accept “seeing” you 2 still going on fine and I just an onlooker. I can only hope you didn’t make a wrong choice.

Why I don’t see there is a need to seek treatment for my knee? Because why should I care so much since it is only me that suffer and there are no others that I need to spare a thought for... There is only 2 ways that I can sleep every night. Is either I am really tired or by drinking. The aching in my knee cap and the thought of what happened between us make me can’t fall asleep. I don’t want to tell you earlier cause I know you will feel worried and “nag” at me or angry that I drink again... I also hope I can sleep without the above 2 ways but it just can’t happen... Maybe you had really leave a very very deep impression to me.

空荡的街景
想找个人放感情
做这种决定
是寂寞与我为邻

我们的爱情
像你路过的风景
一直在进行
脚步却从来不会为我而停

给你的爱一直很安静
来交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名

你说爱像云
要自在飘浮才美丽
我终於相信
分手的理由有时候很动听

给你的爱一直很安静
来交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名

给你的爱一直很安静
我从一开始就下定决心
以为自己要的是曾经
却发现爱一定要有回音

给你的爱一直很安静
想交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名

给你的爱一直很安静
除了泪在我的脸上任性
原来缘份是用来说明
你突然不爱我这件事情

This song really “speaks” my feeling. Your love is just like a passing by scenery and had never stop for me… My love for you sometimes is just to exchange for your little concern. I thought love is just giving out but I realized there must be some “reply”. This triangle consists the 3 of us but always I can’t have an official status...

You told me you also had feelings for me but can I ask you some questions, what is holding you back to start all over again? Will you regret if I am gone? Why you still so concern about me? Can you really give me up? Why you can’t bear to see me tender? I will not forced you for answers... I really hope we can be together one day... but I know it is impossible. I just can't accept we are only friends... I don't wish to get only "thanks" for all the things I had done...

I don’t know will you still have anything to tell me after reading this. If you got something to tell me, please let me know... I will know your answer if you don’t reply and I will know what to do. Please don’t regret, ok? This time maybe is the last time I will be asking...