3rd August

Today is not my normal self... I know I really miss her very much especially the whole weekend I didn't see her before.. When I see her this morning, I wanted to chat with her but somehow there is something holding me back.. In the end, we only talk about work related stuff.. Only during lunch hour, I can be like the past, talk to her freely.. like nothing had happened at all... Once back at the desk, the feeling comes back, wanted to bchat her but something just telling me no... only replying her when she message me.... not initialing any non work related issue.. whole day trying to let myself occupied with work, going up and down, rearranging training room setup, inspecting the area with the cleaning supervisor, supervising cleaner cleaning.... only when it is almost time to knock off, I start to do my "official" job scope, keying in the monthly data... then instead of my usual practice of knocking off with her together, I asked her to go off first and told her I still had data to key but that is not critical at all... why would I behave like this today? I really don't know..

Since morning, I already feel very tired, mentally.. this tiredness is not those type that by resting more can recover... wanted to tell her today, actually all those work that I had covered for her and over the past weekend, by asking me to rest more doesn't help to resolve my tiredness.. but if she spend more time with me, go gai gai with me, I will be happier and maybe not feel so "tiring".... In the end, what I want to say just stay inside my heart....

I promise her I will try not to turn to drinking even I can't sleep and I had listened to her and last night I didn't touch it at all.. But I think without knowing, I had loaded myself with work, trying to keep myself busy and tired, so I can don't think too much... the past weekend is a good example... I really get tired but I still think a lot... and also sleepless nights...

After last night, her msn with me... I know she is very unhappy and tired also with her relationship... I wish that she can return back to her single status immediately as he simply can't give her happiness at all but I know I am very selfish, bad to have this thinking of asking her to break.. I don't know what I should do... Maybe this also resulted partly in my "tiredness".. I too tired to initial anything already, just doing what she want me to.... if she chat with me, I would reply, if she want gai gai, I would accompany her, if she want me to online, I would online... Tonight is also the first night that I had "deserted" my handphone... Maybe my intuition tell me it will not sound at all or even it sound, it will not be from her... nothing that come from the handphone is important to me now except from her.. I also had my msn offline which is a very rare action I will do...

If you want me to do anything, please let me know, I will do it for you... Trust me, my feelings for you had never changed at all despite the abnormal behavior I mentioned above... I will always be there for you, trying my best to be your guardian angel.. If you want me online, just let me know and I will online...
告诉我 你等待的是我
告诉我 你不要再错过
你闪烁的眼眸
仿佛有些话始终
无法说出口
你快对我说
别害怕没有把握
告诉我 你曾失去太多
告诉我 你也害怕寂寞
我知道你无法
去摆脱过去失败
挫折的伤痛
你快对我说
别总是不知所措
想着你的黑夜
我想着你的容颜
反反复复 孤枕难眠
告诉我 你一样不成眠
告诉我 你也盼我出现
想着你的黑夜
我想着你的容颜
反反复复 孤枕难眠
告诉我 你想我千百遍
告诉我 一切都会实现
孤枕难眠