5th October

Is Monday again.... The beginning of the week is usually seem long especially when I am not looking forward to anything.. Maybe subconscious I already know we can't be together.... I just deceiving myself that I still got chance while waiting for the time to come.. Is that really the fact? Only she has the answer....

I decide not to ignore her again... Everytime I do that, it so unbearing and in the end I lost the chances to be together with her... I must treasure the time I still had in this office... Today I had been helping her in whatever I can and we went for lunch together... She know I do household chores and cook, does that attract her and choose to be with the "good" man? I don't think so... I can feel we are really happy together and her action also shows that she don't just treat me as a normal friend... Is it I really can't take over his place in her heart? We can be as happy everyday if we are together... But I think she still want to be with him... I don't blame her... I guess she think she will be in the "wrong" if she breakup with him now as he didn't commit any mistake now... Haiz... I think I should resign to my fate even though I really like her very much... Let it be... Just be happy with her like today till my last day I already satisfied... I really curious about their relationship, it must be very memorable to let her have so much love for him... I really envy of him... not putting in much effort but still can have such a "good" girlfriend...

Recently, her boss is more "weird"... She keep telling me this and that girl is good and I should consider... Am I really that good? If it is, why "she" don't want to be with me? I think if we can be together, her boss will surely be happy and give us her blessing as well as other colleagues that know us.. But she don't seem to want it that way... When going off, she seem to be in a rush, even her boss say so... But she declined she is going for a date when been asked.. She just say she is tired and wanted to go home... I try to think she is tired and partly she want to catch her favorite variety show but from my understanding of her, she don't seem to be the kind that will rush off for the above 2 reasons... So what is her main reason? I think is better to remain as it is as it might be something that I don't wish to hear...

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY SHE DON'T WANT TO BE WITH ME??