I am not sure if you still feeling tired. I don't dare to sms you these few days as I afraid it will pressurise you further and making you more tired. Even a good morning or good night sms to you I also need to think for some time. Don't misunderstood that recently, I didn't sms you is I am tired of you. My feelings for you is still the same but I just afraid I might over water the plant again...
When you msn me that night that you initiated a breakup with him and told him the reason is you want to be with me, I was very happy but at the same time, I was surprise. I don't know I have reach so far in your heart. I feel so bad for misunderstood you in the past, sometime even doubting what you said. I am sorry. :(
Restarting and adapting is part of life. When you move house, switch job, parting and knowing new people, etc, all these are restarting. You need to learn to adapt to the new environment. Maybe your previous experience make you don't dare to try again but can't just because of a fall, you don't dare to stand up again or just choose to stay put.
I guess in your heart, you already choose to "restart" but you feeling "pity" because you had put in so much effort in the relationship and you don't bear to see it gone down the drain despite the numerous disappointment he given you. That why you are confused whether to give up and deceive yourself to remember the good of him and not the bad. When it is meant to end, no point holding on...
Don't feel sad because it ended but happy because a new beginning has began. I know no matter what I say now is nothing but empty promise and you still have doubt and afraid we might not turn out well. I don't know what I need to do in order to gain your trust. All I can hope is you can believe me, close your eyes, give me your hand, I will face everything with you. I will definitely treat you better than him. I will try my best not to let you experience sadness or disappointment... at least not from me. :) By now, you should know how I am to you and I don't think I want to repeat saying it anymore. I will be waiting for your answer and I got a feeling it will be coming soon...
I don't know if you feel the same as me... I feel today lunch you are happier than the previous few days.. I saw your laughter and this make me happy also. I wish we can be like this forever.. I thought when I occupied myself with work, I will not think of other things. I realised I am wrong, even when I am busy with the shutdown preparation, I will still think of you, occasionally still turn back to look at you. I think you had occupied an important place in my heart and I really don't wish to lose you, but I know this can't be forced.. I just want to let you know no matter how busy I am, I will not neglect you. I know you are shopping for handphone, I wonder if I have the honor to shop it with you?
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
9th September
I don't know when you will see this post... At first, when you start msn me, I feel very sad as you seem determine to reject me and choose him. But when we continue msn, I realise we both actually had feelings for each other but you refuse to admit it. Your trust and feelings had been decreasing for your current relationship but you also refuse to admit it. That why you choose to remember his good and forget his bad. You say you will still think of him when we are together but you forget time will fade his memories away. You are scare that our relationship might not work well, but you never try you never know.. Just like if you don't buy lottery, how can you expect you will get the prize? You are deceiving yourself, as in your heart you know I will be a better boyfriend or even husband as compare to him. You scare people will tease you, but we all are mature working adults, how much can they tease or gossip you? I think you had misunderstood me, I don't mind you keep it a secret of we are together to anyone even when they ask, you can deny also... If you told me not to spread a word out, my mouth will be tight.. We are together is only the 2 of us "business", why should you worry about others?
You always think how bad we will be together, but you don't want to think how good we will be together.. sharing the same interest, chatting the same topic, gossiping entertainment news, watching sports competition, eating all the nice food, exploring all the new places and shopping centres, going for flowers exhibition, catching magic shows, enjoying fireworks, covering for each other work, assisting each other in climbing up the career ladder, etc... You don't like his character but you still want to "force" yourself to accept and thinking there will be miracles that he will change.. If you don't dare to take a step out now, you can stop considering you will dare to take a step out in the future as you sunk deeper when the times goes....
Whether I can really be a good boyfriend or husband, you should already know based on the past 2 months you know me but if you want to confirm, you can asked around such as your boss.. If you want to know will I be affected by temptation and change of heart, you also can ask the guys how devoted I can be... If you want to know how filial I am, I think no one can answer you except my mother... haha... If we were together, I will discuss with you everything and ask for your opinion.. If it is really no good, I will listen to you... I seem to have understand you but I will not take this for granted, I will continue to pay attention to you, shower you with care, listening to your sorrows, needs and worries. Maybe what I listed seem that I am a "perfect" guy but I also got my bad points which I don't want to list out here. Maybe I will change if you ask me to.. I can promise you that what I had done is not because I want to go after you only, even when we are together, it will be the same or even better... All I want to say, done, promise I already did... Now is up to you if you are willing to take a step out.. Starting over again seem to be hard in the initial stage but you can take it as a learning process and experience. Don't worry, I had said I will be with you and faced everything with you, you will not be alone... I will hold your hands and give you confidence to tide over the "uncomfortable" period.. I had to say if we were together, you might shed your tears more times than with him, not because I will hurt you more but I will touched your heart more. :) If you think what I had said or written in this blog is nothing but just words or sweet talk to you, I don't know what I should do to make you believe. If you still have doubt with me or still insist on your current relationship, I will just give you my blessing...
Today is 9 September 2009, if we can be together, I promise my love for you and our relationship will last like the date triple 9 "久久久" (长长久久). (Even though this is sweet talk, but I will make it last as long as possible). I also choose to upload this blog at 1:28 am which is your birthday 28 Jan. I hope I got the honor to spend all your future birthday with you till you decided to leave me. :)
You always think how bad we will be together, but you don't want to think how good we will be together.. sharing the same interest, chatting the same topic, gossiping entertainment news, watching sports competition, eating all the nice food, exploring all the new places and shopping centres, going for flowers exhibition, catching magic shows, enjoying fireworks, covering for each other work, assisting each other in climbing up the career ladder, etc... You don't like his character but you still want to "force" yourself to accept and thinking there will be miracles that he will change.. If you don't dare to take a step out now, you can stop considering you will dare to take a step out in the future as you sunk deeper when the times goes....
Whether I can really be a good boyfriend or husband, you should already know based on the past 2 months you know me but if you want to confirm, you can asked around such as your boss.. If you want to know will I be affected by temptation and change of heart, you also can ask the guys how devoted I can be... If you want to know how filial I am, I think no one can answer you except my mother... haha... If we were together, I will discuss with you everything and ask for your opinion.. If it is really no good, I will listen to you... I seem to have understand you but I will not take this for granted, I will continue to pay attention to you, shower you with care, listening to your sorrows, needs and worries. Maybe what I listed seem that I am a "perfect" guy but I also got my bad points which I don't want to list out here. Maybe I will change if you ask me to.. I can promise you that what I had done is not because I want to go after you only, even when we are together, it will be the same or even better... All I want to say, done, promise I already did... Now is up to you if you are willing to take a step out.. Starting over again seem to be hard in the initial stage but you can take it as a learning process and experience. Don't worry, I had said I will be with you and faced everything with you, you will not be alone... I will hold your hands and give you confidence to tide over the "uncomfortable" period.. I had to say if we were together, you might shed your tears more times than with him, not because I will hurt you more but I will touched your heart more. :) If you think what I had said or written in this blog is nothing but just words or sweet talk to you, I don't know what I should do to make you believe. If you still have doubt with me or still insist on your current relationship, I will just give you my blessing...
Today is 9 September 2009, if we can be together, I promise my love for you and our relationship will last like the date triple 9 "久久久" (长长久久). (Even though this is sweet talk, but I will make it last as long as possible). I also choose to upload this blog at 1:28 am which is your birthday 28 Jan. I hope I got the honor to spend all your future birthday with you till you decided to leave me. :)
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
8th September
It has been some time that I am away from my desk for such a long time. Some people might not be used to it but I think somehow they will have to get used to it as I have decided even though I don't bear to... I glad that she had finally let others know the existence of him. Maybe because I had accidentally heard that, it help me to come to a decision.
I did a foolish thing again, maybe there are not many chances left.. I went to tiong bahru just to buy some snacks back that I saw on the net and came back, I still had to lie that I going there for lunch. Luckily, she say is nice and I know my effort is worth it. Because of her, the whole team get to taste all the nice snacks around this area. I think no one will ever deliberately go and buy the nice snacks in future, not to mention the queueing part. But too bad, good times don't last even though how I wish to... I had decided to bring forward my plan... no point dragging and causing misery.... too tired to wait for an unknown duration...
I did a foolish thing again, maybe there are not many chances left.. I went to tiong bahru just to buy some snacks back that I saw on the net and came back, I still had to lie that I going there for lunch. Luckily, she say is nice and I know my effort is worth it. Because of her, the whole team get to taste all the nice snacks around this area. I think no one will ever deliberately go and buy the nice snacks in future, not to mention the queueing part. But too bad, good times don't last even though how I wish to... I had decided to bring forward my plan... no point dragging and causing misery.... too tired to wait for an unknown duration...
Monday, September 7, 2009
Tired...
Today I had completed the master copy of the shutdown script. Base on this, anyone should have no problem taking over... I had do my part for the company already, does that mean I can leave "peacefully"? I was surprise that I had completed much earlier than expected.. No mood for lunch today and she had packet a few sushi for me. I am grateful but also wonder what is the "intention" she coming from when she buying the sushi? Care and concern? For who? Colleague or ??? Because of me, I know her mood is also affected...
Feeling very tiring since morning even though I had sleep quite "early" last night. Maybe all those work and personnal happening had really tire me out. Anyway I had planned my leave... Will be able to relax after this... Will try to let go everything...
I know one shouldn't leave a relationship just because she met a better person. But why should you confine to him only, shouldn't you give others a chance also especially you also had feelings for that person? Unless you tell me you already confirm he will be the ideal guy that you want to marry.
I believe there are other considerations that you didn't tell me. If just because of troublesome to answer questions from your family on why you break, then you rather be with him, it may seem a bit ridiculous. It is also common to break in this "era", you don't need to stay with him throughout just because of others...
The guys had told me to continue ask you out. But you know what I told them? I tell them you are considering now and I don't want to affect your thinking. I know it will somehow affect your decision if I continue to ask you out or told you what I have done again. I guess the more I spend more time with you, you would be more touched. I want you to consider fairly, so I don't want to do anything more for last week. But I never know your way of fair thinking is different from me.
I don't know how much trust you still had in the relationship. But the most important factor that for both together is trust. If you feel disappointed with his character, how long can you "force" yourself to continue accept? If you told me you got no other choices or got choices but you didn't have feeling for them, that why you continue to be with him, then is ok. But now is a different story, you got choice and he had done a lot and you are touched and also had feelings for him, but why you just don't want to consider?
The time when you told him my existence, instead of trying to persuade you "stay", he just say up to you. You sure this is the answer you want to hear? If I were him, I would do what I can to persuade you to "stay" and let you have faith in this relationship but at the end, I will still leave the choice to you... as I know I had do what I can, eventually it is you that have the final say...
Knowing you had made me become foolish.. Have you wonder why lately I buy so many different kind of snacks? Actually I also don't know around this area got so many snacks that I never try or heard before.. I just search on the net for any recommendation and end up finding all those. I just want you to try all the nice food.. Seeing you saying is nice and eating happily, I will be happy... I am very foolish hor? When you told me which drama that you wanted to watch, I will find for you and convert the format, so you can watch it in your handphone on the move. When you told me you can't watch it, I will reconvert the drama again, so you can watch.. Even though it is time consuming, I don't mind doing it for you.. Again, am I very silly? What you told me, I always remember it in my heart. You say you don't like me to drink, I will give up for you.. No matter what I am doing, when I saw you are not "participating", I will stop what I doing and accompany you. Remember last saturday, I was still busy with the smart arms, but you told me you were leaving at 530pm, so I just stop what I am doing at 520pm and quickly transfer the files for you before I go down to continue the work again. Again, I am very foolish hor? I don't know if I still got the chance to be the foolish guy that always stand by you. If I am not the lucky guy, I hope he will be the lucky one...
11.05pm
Somehow I got a feeling she is not at home at this hour now... But I don't want to ask her anything... Whether she want to tell me, I leave it to her. Too tired to keep chasing for an answer....
Feeling very tiring since morning even though I had sleep quite "early" last night. Maybe all those work and personnal happening had really tire me out. Anyway I had planned my leave... Will be able to relax after this... Will try to let go everything...
I know one shouldn't leave a relationship just because she met a better person. But why should you confine to him only, shouldn't you give others a chance also especially you also had feelings for that person? Unless you tell me you already confirm he will be the ideal guy that you want to marry.
I believe there are other considerations that you didn't tell me. If just because of troublesome to answer questions from your family on why you break, then you rather be with him, it may seem a bit ridiculous. It is also common to break in this "era", you don't need to stay with him throughout just because of others...
The guys had told me to continue ask you out. But you know what I told them? I tell them you are considering now and I don't want to affect your thinking. I know it will somehow affect your decision if I continue to ask you out or told you what I have done again. I guess the more I spend more time with you, you would be more touched. I want you to consider fairly, so I don't want to do anything more for last week. But I never know your way of fair thinking is different from me.
I don't know how much trust you still had in the relationship. But the most important factor that for both together is trust. If you feel disappointed with his character, how long can you "force" yourself to continue accept? If you told me you got no other choices or got choices but you didn't have feeling for them, that why you continue to be with him, then is ok. But now is a different story, you got choice and he had done a lot and you are touched and also had feelings for him, but why you just don't want to consider?
The time when you told him my existence, instead of trying to persuade you "stay", he just say up to you. You sure this is the answer you want to hear? If I were him, I would do what I can to persuade you to "stay" and let you have faith in this relationship but at the end, I will still leave the choice to you... as I know I had do what I can, eventually it is you that have the final say...
Knowing you had made me become foolish.. Have you wonder why lately I buy so many different kind of snacks? Actually I also don't know around this area got so many snacks that I never try or heard before.. I just search on the net for any recommendation and end up finding all those. I just want you to try all the nice food.. Seeing you saying is nice and eating happily, I will be happy... I am very foolish hor? When you told me which drama that you wanted to watch, I will find for you and convert the format, so you can watch it in your handphone on the move. When you told me you can't watch it, I will reconvert the drama again, so you can watch.. Even though it is time consuming, I don't mind doing it for you.. Again, am I very silly? What you told me, I always remember it in my heart. You say you don't like me to drink, I will give up for you.. No matter what I am doing, when I saw you are not "participating", I will stop what I doing and accompany you. Remember last saturday, I was still busy with the smart arms, but you told me you were leaving at 530pm, so I just stop what I am doing at 520pm and quickly transfer the files for you before I go down to continue the work again. Again, I am very foolish hor? I don't know if I still got the chance to be the foolish guy that always stand by you. If I am not the lucky guy, I hope he will be the lucky one...
11.05pm
Somehow I got a feeling she is not at home at this hour now... But I don't want to ask her anything... Whether she want to tell me, I leave it to her. Too tired to keep chasing for an answer....
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Finale....
Let me guess what happened. Yesterday night, you stay over at his house. I try to deceive myself that after your bbq, his place is nearer but my memory told me, he live in north, you in west and your bbq is at west also. I can't find another lie to cover this lie, sorry. When you told me you want to think over the weekend, for once, I really believed that. But when all those "signs" show you are at his house, I know I am been a fool again. I feel disappointed but never mind, as this is not the first time. Maybe the way you think is different, you need to be with someone to think better... I wonder what is the purpose of sms me last night. To find out why I replied in such a way to your earlier sms? Or just for the sake of asking?
I hope you can tell me what I guess is wrong. I try very hard to deceive myself for the night but I just can't help feeling this way. I don't know how is you and him recently, but I guess still going on fine. Have you really been fair? You keep saying considering or thinking but you didn't give him and you a break period, so you can make a better decision. Instead, every now and then, you and him still the same, sms, phone, go out and stay over at his house while I just can silently doing things behind you. So you telling me this is fair?
You told me your mum and aunt had good impression of him. No doubt it will be good but why don't you tell them the "mistake" he commit, what he like to do and his character? I wonder will their impression change after you tell them... This is just like a sales talk, only promote the good and don't say the bad. Maybe again, this is your way of doing...
I really wonder the reason of you want me to stay. Happy working with me? Constant lunchmate? Or is it someone will at least be there to cover? I know you will be dishearten to hear this and I also feel very hurt to tell you this. But I not like you, that always keep things in suspense. Maybe I shall tell you, if I am not around and you still in this site, you can forget going for your saturday training. Almost every sat, you will need to come back. This site is not like your previous site, we don't practise work finish then come and see. You will be more tiring than now. I not sure if you know me and your site manager had lightened your workload. I can simply don't bother about smart arms, cleaning, miscellaneous stuff and A&A works. In the end, you think who will the site manager assign to? I think somehow working in this site will affect your relationship with him, but I just don't want to see that. Just think since your stay here, how many times you go back earlier than us? Not to mention on sat that you come later than us...
I had written this at 2.46 am with my handphone. It may sound disheartening, hurt to you but sorry, that is how moody I am feeling now. Partly, I also very jealous you and him still going on so well. So again, my guessing is wrong again? Anyway, you don't need to be sway by my tender, I will not let you know when will that happen and I sure site manager will help me to keep it a secret if I request to. You can tell me your thinking, consideration, explanation, planning, feeling, answer, etc, (which I don't think you will) but I can't promise you that my tender will be sway by your action. Maybe this time I feel totally disappointed after so many times.
I just want to tell you I had never doubt your care and concern towards me and I really appreciate that. You told me you had feelings for me and I also believe. But the longer you drag, the lesser confidence I had, because I know I am on the losing end as you still had him. I wanted to ask you out a few times but I think the topic will somehow go back to your decision and it might up end up like 8 aug night. That why I don't want to force you anymore but that doesn't mean I am not eager to know. I hope you will understand that I not trying to "blame", "threaten", "scold" you but maybe is due to tired, stress, insecure recently.
7.24am
Somehow you seem to had taken me for granted, always be there for you. I think is time you need to stand up on your own. I can't always be around. There had been times that I am "rectifying" your unintentional "mistakes" behind you, just that you don't know. To you, maybe you didn't notice and thought everything went smooth. I don't think you know that there are a few sunday that I am not feeling well or is raining, I still make my way back to office, as I had told you I will cover on your behalf.. I always told you sat I can handle, because I don't want you to feel bad, but do you know how exactly busy I am? Running up and down. By the time, you and your manager reach, I had either clear the work or everything is in progress and to you, it may seem I had a relax morning. I think you don't know, your manager had came earlier a few times just to help me out as she had told me personally. She also asked me why you are not around and why I always cover for you, I just told her that is ok, not that hard and I can handle it myself and you also got cover for me... I know you like your training very much, that why I always suggest you go training while I cover your work. Maybe I too sensitive, I realise whenever the sat I not around, your manager will arrange fewer jobs for that day. I think is time you had to pick up what belong to you, I believe the next engineer will not do so much.
All those stuffs that I had given you, you can just throw away like the flowers. Don't let them affect your relationship with him. Don't worry, I will still help in whatever I can while still around but I guess I will not be around to join in this year ORQ CRES christmas celebration. I had thought me and you as a "we" can celebrate christmas with rest of the team but I think the wish can't be fulfill...
10.15pm
This post I don't intend to upload... Maybe I just don't bear to do so after your request and end up considering... I watched 老婆大人 drama.. I dare to say I will try to be the husband as what shown in the drama, caring and loving you, always stand by you and ready to lend you my shoulder. The drama had also touched me for a certain degree, so I decided to give myself a final last chance, will you be fair and give me a chance to go after you? I can forget what had happened, accept your personnal problems, share your sorrows and problems. I will not because you accepted my request and take you for granted. I will treasure you, continue to do what I had done and will fulfill all those that I had written inside this blog and the letter. I will cheer you up, make you happy and not let you feel sad as much as I can. Should we got a chance to go into relationship, I not only will be good to you but also your family. I will never let you and them regret for me been with you. If your decision is not to give me a chance, I will respect your decision, hope you will find your happiness and don't regret your decision. I will not disturb you again, neither will I share my problems or tell you what and when I am going to do... I will sincerely wish you and him have a happy future. Hope he can continue to keep you happy and do whatever I had done for you.
I hope you can tell me what I guess is wrong. I try very hard to deceive myself for the night but I just can't help feeling this way. I don't know how is you and him recently, but I guess still going on fine. Have you really been fair? You keep saying considering or thinking but you didn't give him and you a break period, so you can make a better decision. Instead, every now and then, you and him still the same, sms, phone, go out and stay over at his house while I just can silently doing things behind you. So you telling me this is fair?
You told me your mum and aunt had good impression of him. No doubt it will be good but why don't you tell them the "mistake" he commit, what he like to do and his character? I wonder will their impression change after you tell them... This is just like a sales talk, only promote the good and don't say the bad. Maybe again, this is your way of doing...
I really wonder the reason of you want me to stay. Happy working with me? Constant lunchmate? Or is it someone will at least be there to cover? I know you will be dishearten to hear this and I also feel very hurt to tell you this. But I not like you, that always keep things in suspense. Maybe I shall tell you, if I am not around and you still in this site, you can forget going for your saturday training. Almost every sat, you will need to come back. This site is not like your previous site, we don't practise work finish then come and see. You will be more tiring than now. I not sure if you know me and your site manager had lightened your workload. I can simply don't bother about smart arms, cleaning, miscellaneous stuff and A&A works. In the end, you think who will the site manager assign to? I think somehow working in this site will affect your relationship with him, but I just don't want to see that. Just think since your stay here, how many times you go back earlier than us? Not to mention on sat that you come later than us...
I had written this at 2.46 am with my handphone. It may sound disheartening, hurt to you but sorry, that is how moody I am feeling now. Partly, I also very jealous you and him still going on so well. So again, my guessing is wrong again? Anyway, you don't need to be sway by my tender, I will not let you know when will that happen and I sure site manager will help me to keep it a secret if I request to. You can tell me your thinking, consideration, explanation, planning, feeling, answer, etc, (which I don't think you will) but I can't promise you that my tender will be sway by your action. Maybe this time I feel totally disappointed after so many times.
I just want to tell you I had never doubt your care and concern towards me and I really appreciate that. You told me you had feelings for me and I also believe. But the longer you drag, the lesser confidence I had, because I know I am on the losing end as you still had him. I wanted to ask you out a few times but I think the topic will somehow go back to your decision and it might up end up like 8 aug night. That why I don't want to force you anymore but that doesn't mean I am not eager to know. I hope you will understand that I not trying to "blame", "threaten", "scold" you but maybe is due to tired, stress, insecure recently.
7.24am
Somehow you seem to had taken me for granted, always be there for you. I think is time you need to stand up on your own. I can't always be around. There had been times that I am "rectifying" your unintentional "mistakes" behind you, just that you don't know. To you, maybe you didn't notice and thought everything went smooth. I don't think you know that there are a few sunday that I am not feeling well or is raining, I still make my way back to office, as I had told you I will cover on your behalf.. I always told you sat I can handle, because I don't want you to feel bad, but do you know how exactly busy I am? Running up and down. By the time, you and your manager reach, I had either clear the work or everything is in progress and to you, it may seem I had a relax morning. I think you don't know, your manager had came earlier a few times just to help me out as she had told me personally. She also asked me why you are not around and why I always cover for you, I just told her that is ok, not that hard and I can handle it myself and you also got cover for me... I know you like your training very much, that why I always suggest you go training while I cover your work. Maybe I too sensitive, I realise whenever the sat I not around, your manager will arrange fewer jobs for that day. I think is time you had to pick up what belong to you, I believe the next engineer will not do so much.
All those stuffs that I had given you, you can just throw away like the flowers. Don't let them affect your relationship with him. Don't worry, I will still help in whatever I can while still around but I guess I will not be around to join in this year ORQ CRES christmas celebration. I had thought me and you as a "we" can celebrate christmas with rest of the team but I think the wish can't be fulfill...
10.15pm
This post I don't intend to upload... Maybe I just don't bear to do so after your request and end up considering... I watched 老婆大人 drama.. I dare to say I will try to be the husband as what shown in the drama, caring and loving you, always stand by you and ready to lend you my shoulder. The drama had also touched me for a certain degree, so I decided to give myself a final last chance, will you be fair and give me a chance to go after you? I can forget what had happened, accept your personnal problems, share your sorrows and problems. I will not because you accepted my request and take you for granted. I will treasure you, continue to do what I had done and will fulfill all those that I had written inside this blog and the letter. I will cheer you up, make you happy and not let you feel sad as much as I can. Should we got a chance to go into relationship, I not only will be good to you but also your family. I will never let you and them regret for me been with you. If your decision is not to give me a chance, I will respect your decision, hope you will find your happiness and don't regret your decision. I will not disturb you again, neither will I share my problems or tell you what and when I am going to do... I will sincerely wish you and him have a happy future. Hope he can continue to keep you happy and do whatever I had done for you.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
5th September
I had reminded myself not to tell her anything but in the end I still reveal everything to her. I thought I can wait patiently and leave silently when the time comes... Now one person problem become two persons... Why can't I just endure a little bit more...
Song that can describe my feelings now will be:
If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young
And we both know they'll take us
Where we want to go
Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without you
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you
If the road ahead is not so easy,
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too
Even when I leave, my love for her will never change... But is hard for her to believe I think....
I wish I can forever by her side and be her "guardian angel", reminding her all the stuff that she would forget, sheltering and helping her... but I think the chance and time left is not much....
Today is the second time I use the typewriter. Wasted a number of envelopes just to get the alignment right... But I think not many people would want to use the typewriter for this purpose..
Song that can describe my feelings now will be:
If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young
And we both know they'll take us
Where we want to go
Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without you
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you
If the road ahead is not so easy,
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too
Even when I leave, my love for her will never change... But is hard for her to believe I think....
I wish I can forever by her side and be her "guardian angel", reminding her all the stuff that she would forget, sheltering and helping her... but I think the chance and time left is not much....
Today is the second time I use the typewriter. Wasted a number of envelopes just to get the alignment right... But I think not many people would want to use the typewriter for this purpose..
Friday, September 4, 2009
4th September
Wake up in the middle of the night again. Feel like sms her but I don't know if I should "disturb" her. I feel I had neglect her these few days as I was quite busy with my work. But I know this shouldn't be an excuse. I think I should do something to make up despite my busy work... and that is buy bubble tea!!!!
Had a farewell dinner tonight. Maybe the next farewell will be mine... I had enjoy the dinner tonight, had been "cooking" food for her. Will there still be next time? I don't know will this also the last time I sending her to the bus. Do she have anything to tell or ask me? I know I got many questions but I don't dare to ask. I scare she isn't ready to answer me and make her more vex. She ask me why I have no mood today, I had type the reply but I just didn't send it out.. I know there is still no answer from her. Every night, my handphone is waiting for her sms but there is always none...
Trying my luck to see if I walk along the bus route, will there be any bus just happened to pass by and I can hop on to it. But I just don't seem to have any luck. Either the bus just pass before I reach or come after I go. Maybe the timing is really just wrong. Without noticing, I came back to Singapore River again. Maybe it is true that where things start, it should also end at there. Sometime I just can't force things to happen as what I had wished... I know things happened from now on will be a privilege and I will have to treasure it when it happens...
Today make a big progress in my shutdown preparation... maybe that will be the last thing I will help the company do... I hope I will not be label as "heartless" when I left as I fulfill the annual important thing to the company.
She told me she would think over the weekend. But same as what he had told her, if she need to consider, I think she no need to consider anymore... how can a 2 month happening compare with a 2 years relationship? Is not that my character is same as him, but sad to say, this is what I believe. I am already very happy that she say she will consider even though I believe the outcome is not to my favor... I think it is unfair for her to force her for an answer. Don't bother or think too much... Just enjoy the weekend....
Had a farewell dinner tonight. Maybe the next farewell will be mine... I had enjoy the dinner tonight, had been "cooking" food for her. Will there still be next time? I don't know will this also the last time I sending her to the bus. Do she have anything to tell or ask me? I know I got many questions but I don't dare to ask. I scare she isn't ready to answer me and make her more vex. She ask me why I have no mood today, I had type the reply but I just didn't send it out.. I know there is still no answer from her. Every night, my handphone is waiting for her sms but there is always none...
Trying my luck to see if I walk along the bus route, will there be any bus just happened to pass by and I can hop on to it. But I just don't seem to have any luck. Either the bus just pass before I reach or come after I go. Maybe the timing is really just wrong. Without noticing, I came back to Singapore River again. Maybe it is true that where things start, it should also end at there. Sometime I just can't force things to happen as what I had wished... I know things happened from now on will be a privilege and I will have to treasure it when it happens...
Today make a big progress in my shutdown preparation... maybe that will be the last thing I will help the company do... I hope I will not be label as "heartless" when I left as I fulfill the annual important thing to the company.
She told me she would think over the weekend. But same as what he had told her, if she need to consider, I think she no need to consider anymore... how can a 2 month happening compare with a 2 years relationship? Is not that my character is same as him, but sad to say, this is what I believe. I am already very happy that she say she will consider even though I believe the outcome is not to my favor... I think it is unfair for her to force her for an answer. Don't bother or think too much... Just enjoy the weekend....
Thursday, September 3, 2009
3rd September
Sometimes I wonder can I really give her happiness? Will I treat her better than him? Will she really be happy with me? Will I share everything with her? Will I stay by her and cheer her up when she is down? Can I shelter her from anything? Will I face everything with her? Am I worthy of her?
If she scare of how people inside office will see us when we are together, I don't mind been a normal colleague or friend during office hour and together after office hour. Anyway I had said it will not be long that we might be in different sites. If she scare people ask her this and that, I will help her to think of answers or answer on her behalf. Most probably this is my wishful thinking again...
She told me yesterday she had gone out alone to look at something.. Maybe she don't know I don't mind accompany her to anywhere or look at anything.. Whenever I saw something nice just like those variety show introducing nice food or places, I hope I can be there with her...
Today meeting is nothing but more work. Already busy enough and still ask me to teach the shift engineer within the time frame, so client will be more "satisfied" with the service level. Almost all is more experienced than me, how to teach them? Ask me to feedback on them, I not so stupid again to tell the truth, I know my answer will be finding problem for myself. It should be a happy thing when people forcasting their leave but why am I not?
I really can't be as noble as 小鲍, doing all sort of things for 常在心 and letting her be with her boyfriend. I can't always watching her and him together and deceiving myself... I am getting tired..... in terms of work and personnal with everyday went past while others still think is because I watch too much drama....
Somehow, I think I know what to do...
Will my absence have any effect to anyone? maybe time can really fade away memories as what she said. Everything might be back to normal after some time...
Wanted to share her more about my problems but I had said earlier that one day, I still have to face it alone, can't always rely on "good" friend, unless she told me I am more than that... Maybe just tolerate a little longer, then problems will no longer exist... Let the next person continue this "office political war"...
If she scare of how people inside office will see us when we are together, I don't mind been a normal colleague or friend during office hour and together after office hour. Anyway I had said it will not be long that we might be in different sites. If she scare people ask her this and that, I will help her to think of answers or answer on her behalf. Most probably this is my wishful thinking again...
She told me yesterday she had gone out alone to look at something.. Maybe she don't know I don't mind accompany her to anywhere or look at anything.. Whenever I saw something nice just like those variety show introducing nice food or places, I hope I can be there with her...
Today meeting is nothing but more work. Already busy enough and still ask me to teach the shift engineer within the time frame, so client will be more "satisfied" with the service level. Almost all is more experienced than me, how to teach them? Ask me to feedback on them, I not so stupid again to tell the truth, I know my answer will be finding problem for myself. It should be a happy thing when people forcasting their leave but why am I not?
I really can't be as noble as 小鲍, doing all sort of things for 常在心 and letting her be with her boyfriend. I can't always watching her and him together and deceiving myself... I am getting tired..... in terms of work and personnal with everyday went past while others still think is because I watch too much drama....
Somehow, I think I know what to do...
Will my absence have any effect to anyone? maybe time can really fade away memories as what she said. Everything might be back to normal after some time...
Wanted to share her more about my problems but I had said earlier that one day, I still have to face it alone, can't always rely on "good" friend, unless she told me I am more than that... Maybe just tolerate a little longer, then problems will no longer exist... Let the next person continue this "office political war"...
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
2nd September
Busy day today. Work never seem to end. Haven't really touch on shutdown script and half day already gone. Late lunch with her, manager and the kid today. After which we went for dessert and my manager offered to share hers with me. I think if this goes on, it will make me more unbearing to leave. I got this feeling that something is bothering her and she keep a distance when walking back. But when I asked her, she say she all right. Am I thinking too much?
I really hope one day I can enter her life and we can explore places for delicious, famous food, go to places that we never been, enjoying sceneries and letting her taste the dessert that I make. But I know this is only a wish... don't dare to pin too much hope on it...
How long can I suppress my eagerness to know the answer, the urge to ask her questions? Maybe I will suppress till I am tired and leave... Just like today, got a feeling that she is going out after work but I just contain the question of asking where she is going in my heart. Telling myself I don't want to know...
Office had asked me to clear leave as I had 25 days and need to be submitted by next week. Maybe I should really start to plan... Getting tired as times goes... partly is due to the shutdown preparation and "political" issues I had to face within my own team... But no matter how busy or stressful fighting the "war", I still think of her, so I can definitely say that to forget her is impossible even I left...
I really hope one day I can enter her life and we can explore places for delicious, famous food, go to places that we never been, enjoying sceneries and letting her taste the dessert that I make. But I know this is only a wish... don't dare to pin too much hope on it...
How long can I suppress my eagerness to know the answer, the urge to ask her questions? Maybe I will suppress till I am tired and leave... Just like today, got a feeling that she is going out after work but I just contain the question of asking where she is going in my heart. Telling myself I don't want to know...
Office had asked me to clear leave as I had 25 days and need to be submitted by next week. Maybe I should really start to plan... Getting tired as times goes... partly is due to the shutdown preparation and "political" issues I had to face within my own team... But no matter how busy or stressful fighting the "war", I still think of her, so I can definitely say that to forget her is impossible even I left...
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
1st September
Finally September has come and my busy month has start. Today weather is what I like but it cause disturbance to outdoor people as it is rainy. Her shoes got wet on the way back from lunch. I scare she might fall while walking on the slippery floor, how I wish I can hold her hands and walk with her. At the end of the day, I then get know of her leg is still "injured". If I had known earlier, I will change the lunch location to a nearer place, so she can walked lesser.
There is always better person out there but doesn't mean it will be suitable or compatible. To be together, there need to have some chemistry. And I think I had found the one. Maybe after all the "hardship", I will learn to treasure and not give up the plant easily. I don't know how good he treat her, but I know I will treat her the best I can.
Maybe if I really leave the site, all the memories of her will be hidden in some areas of my heart but to forget, I think is impossible, especially after all the efforts I put in. Her impression is too deep in my heart. I don't know if it is the same for her a not... She might be right that there is an "initial" stage of unbearing but I know this stage will be extremely long for me...
Last minute of the day, my manager call me to say due to client requirement, all the script that I had prepared need to be changed and asked me if is it possible for me due to the short time frame. When it is not a choice in the first place, why he bother to ask?
I don't know if I were to ask her out, will she still accept my invite? Even though this month is busy, I still want to spend time with her. Hope she can understand me and give me the chance to shower her with care.
There is always better person out there but doesn't mean it will be suitable or compatible. To be together, there need to have some chemistry. And I think I had found the one. Maybe after all the "hardship", I will learn to treasure and not give up the plant easily. I don't know how good he treat her, but I know I will treat her the best I can.
Maybe if I really leave the site, all the memories of her will be hidden in some areas of my heart but to forget, I think is impossible, especially after all the efforts I put in. Her impression is too deep in my heart. I don't know if it is the same for her a not... She might be right that there is an "initial" stage of unbearing but I know this stage will be extremely long for me...
Last minute of the day, my manager call me to say due to client requirement, all the script that I had prepared need to be changed and asked me if is it possible for me due to the short time frame. When it is not a choice in the first place, why he bother to ask?
I don't know if I were to ask her out, will she still accept my invite? Even though this month is busy, I still want to spend time with her. Hope she can understand me and give me the chance to shower her with care.
Monday, August 31, 2009
31st August
Can drinking really solve problem? Maybe it can help to escape from reality. Once the alcohol reach the brain, thinking will be stop and pain will slowly gone also. At that moment, it will be a trouble-less world. Everything been said and done will be base on feeling. Maybe is true that only when drunk, people will tell the truth. I don't know why but after drinking, courage will increase and sometime I really want to ask her can she be selfish for one time and leave him. But I know even I say that, it will not have any effect. Since she can't decide, should I just let go everything and leave this place? Don't bother about the work in hand, don't bother about the environment and lastly don't bother about her. Physically doing that is no problem but can my heart do that?
I told her I not "artistic", don't go for performance but I guess she also know if she ask me to accompany her, I will go no matter it is of my interest a not. But too bad, I know me not the first in her priority list. And somehow I can guess who is going with her on that day...
She asked by saying “not going to pressure” is it “withdraw”. The answer is no or maybe yes... But I know if this drag on for unknown duration, I will be really tired, the answer will be yes. I am not as “noble” as what she think. I can’t stay by her side for so long watching them as an item. Maybe I will not be around when she finally can decide who is better for her and by then, don’t think there is a need to think anymore as there is only him... The time to end will be the time I leaving this site...
Even though my handphone got many songs but whole day, I just repeating one song which represent what I wanted to told her, the song is "Nothing Gonna Change My Love For You"
Why she keeps moving me? She keeps giving me expectations, but in the end this happens. I wait by myself, I get hurt by myself. Once I am down, she chase up to me again. If I push her aside, she will persist to cheer me up. When I am back to normal again, I feel been ignored again. I hate this. Maybe our relationship will always be entwined, and never end, but I very mad about that. Can’t she just give me a chance after all the things I had done?
I told her I not "artistic", don't go for performance but I guess she also know if she ask me to accompany her, I will go no matter it is of my interest a not. But too bad, I know me not the first in her priority list. And somehow I can guess who is going with her on that day...
She asked by saying “not going to pressure” is it “withdraw”. The answer is no or maybe yes... But I know if this drag on for unknown duration, I will be really tired, the answer will be yes. I am not as “noble” as what she think. I can’t stay by her side for so long watching them as an item. Maybe I will not be around when she finally can decide who is better for her and by then, don’t think there is a need to think anymore as there is only him... The time to end will be the time I leaving this site...
Even though my handphone got many songs but whole day, I just repeating one song which represent what I wanted to told her, the song is "Nothing Gonna Change My Love For You"
Why she keeps moving me? She keeps giving me expectations, but in the end this happens. I wait by myself, I get hurt by myself. Once I am down, she chase up to me again. If I push her aside, she will persist to cheer me up. When I am back to normal again, I feel been ignored again. I hate this. Maybe our relationship will always be entwined, and never end, but I very mad about that. Can’t she just give me a chance after all the things I had done?
Sunday, August 30, 2009
30th August
A tired day today... Yesterday only sleep for less than 2 hours. But the tiredness is not as bad as I had think, maybe my mood is good after knowing her thinking... But I can't expect too much as I still seem to be on the losing end till she had decided to be single again... Not going to pressure or ask her as in the past even though I wish to know eagerly. I just leave it to her... When I feel is the time to go, I will just leave silently no matter how unbearing it is... that will also mean the time to end has come...
I never know what my place in her heart is till she told me that night. It is out of my expectation and I was quite happy with it. It has kept me going for yesterday. I wonder how is my letter now? Hope it is not inside the rubbish bin...How she feel after reading my letter?
Somehow I feel things are predestined. The letter that I prepared and the blog that I going to post for the next day is a result of I not sure of her thinking. But before I going to do that, she actually told me her thinking and I know if I had knew it earlier, I would not had written the same thing. But I think is also good for her to know how I feel before she told me her thinking. I think I had to wait for some time again before she “update” me her feeling and thinking again...
I never know what my place in her heart is till she told me that night. It is out of my expectation and I was quite happy with it. It has kept me going for yesterday. I wonder how is my letter now? Hope it is not inside the rubbish bin...How she feel after reading my letter?
Somehow I feel things are predestined. The letter that I prepared and the blog that I going to post for the next day is a result of I not sure of her thinking. But before I going to do that, she actually told me her thinking and I know if I had knew it earlier, I would not had written the same thing. But I think is also good for her to know how I feel before she told me her thinking. I think I had to wait for some time again before she “update” me her feeling and thinking again...
29th August
This can be consider one of the worst shutdown that I ever been. So many hiccups along the way, no communication, wrong instruction given, equipment breakdown, etc. No matter how good beforehand planning is, the possibility of equipment spoilt is always there. We only can hope everything went smooth during the actual event. Maybe the unexpected part is the most dreadful, that why most will try not to be the one to chair, especially for major site. Spending months for the preparation and yet due to some uncontrollable circumstances, the whole shutdown screw up, it might seem disheartening. From next month onwards, it will be a busy month for me as my site shutdown is end of the month. Actually I do not need to be doing all these again if I had follow my initial plan.
2am looking at orchard from the office window, the street seem to have a lonely feeling... same as me... I wonder how she feeling after the things I given her today. I didn't expect her to told me her consideration when I wrote the letter. But as time is drawing nearer for the performance, I had to pass the tickets to her soon.
4am, she told me she will talk to me tomorrow. What will that be? Bad news again? I think is time for me to sleep now since my hair had dried. Next morning, I still need to reach office by 7am... That the bad thing for shutdown...
After our chatting last night, I really hope we will got a chance to start and I am sure I will be a better boyfriend than him. I will face everything and share all her responsibility including to her family. Can she trust me for one time and give me a chance?
2am and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me
But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can make you see it through
That's something only love can do
In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough
If we learn to trust
Only Love
2am looking at orchard from the office window, the street seem to have a lonely feeling... same as me... I wonder how she feeling after the things I given her today. I didn't expect her to told me her consideration when I wrote the letter. But as time is drawing nearer for the performance, I had to pass the tickets to her soon.
4am, she told me she will talk to me tomorrow. What will that be? Bad news again? I think is time for me to sleep now since my hair had dried. Next morning, I still need to reach office by 7am... That the bad thing for shutdown...
After our chatting last night, I really hope we will got a chance to start and I am sure I will be a better boyfriend than him. I will face everything and share all her responsibility including to her family. Can she trust me for one time and give me a chance?
2am and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me
But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can make you see it through
That's something only love can do
In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough
If we learn to trust
Only Love
Friday, August 28, 2009
Last Gift? (11:28pm)
I had decided to post this post at this hour because tomorrow I will be working rather late. By the time you read this, you should already have received my letter and the tickets. I don’t know how will you feel and react. I hope it didn’t spoil your day as like national day. As I had said, this most probably is my last time doing such thing.
There had been rather more flowers inside the office this week but none of the flowers can compare with the one that you rejected in terms of size and beautifulness. The bouquet I intended to give you is of mango and light pink roses. I don't know if you ever saw before. Is a pity that the bouquet doesn’t have a chance to come out of the florist shop.
I had been waiting for you to tell me what is your consideration and thinking. But till now, you never tell me anything. I am tired of insisting to know the answers. You said if I wanted to know anything, I can just ask you but I know you will not answered also. Your no reply somehow becomes an answer to me. Maybe I felt going round this triangle is not a solution for the 3 of us, so I decided to withdraw from this triangle and give you 2 my blessing. I really don’t know how you feel, maybe you also think the same as me… I guess you are also in a dilemma in deciding, maybe my action will help you in making a decision and that is with him.
You ask me why I look sad on Thursday. I told you the reason now. The moment you told me your bf, I know you 2 still going on fine. That is also partly in making my decision to withdraw. Maybe you can say I am jealous, I can’t accept “seeing” you 2 still going on fine and I just an onlooker. I can only hope you didn’t make a wrong choice.
Why I don’t see there is a need to seek treatment for my knee? Because why should I care so much since it is only me that suffer and there are no others that I need to spare a thought for... There is only 2 ways that I can sleep every night. Is either I am really tired or by drinking. The aching in my knee cap and the thought of what happened between us make me can’t fall asleep. I don’t want to tell you earlier cause I know you will feel worried and “nag” at me or angry that I drink again... I also hope I can sleep without the above 2 ways but it just can’t happen... Maybe you had really leave a very very deep impression to me.
空荡的街景
想找个人放感情
做这种决定
是寂寞与我为邻
我们的爱情
像你路过的风景
一直在进行
脚步却从来不会为我而停
给你的爱一直很安静
来交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名
你说爱像云
要自在飘浮才美丽
我终於相信
分手的理由有时候很动听
给你的爱一直很安静
来交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名
给你的爱一直很安静
我从一开始就下定决心
以为自己要的是曾经
却发现爱一定要有回音
给你的爱一直很安静
想交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名
给你的爱一直很安静
除了泪在我的脸上任性
原来缘份是用来说明
你突然不爱我这件事情
This song really “speaks” my feeling. Your love is just like a passing by scenery and had never stop for me… My love for you sometimes is just to exchange for your little concern. I thought love is just giving out but I realized there must be some “reply”. This triangle consists the 3 of us but always I can’t have an official status...
You told me you also had feelings for me but can I ask you some questions, what is holding you back to start all over again? Will you regret if I am gone? Why you still so concern about me? Can you really give me up? Why you can’t bear to see me tender? I will not forced you for answers... I really hope we can be together one day... but I know it is impossible. I just can't accept we are only friends... I don't wish to get only "thanks" for all the things I had done...
I don’t know will you still have anything to tell me after reading this. If you got something to tell me, please let me know... I will know your answer if you don’t reply and I will know what to do. Please don’t regret, ok? This time maybe is the last time I will be asking...
There had been rather more flowers inside the office this week but none of the flowers can compare with the one that you rejected in terms of size and beautifulness. The bouquet I intended to give you is of mango and light pink roses. I don't know if you ever saw before. Is a pity that the bouquet doesn’t have a chance to come out of the florist shop.
I had been waiting for you to tell me what is your consideration and thinking. But till now, you never tell me anything. I am tired of insisting to know the answers. You said if I wanted to know anything, I can just ask you but I know you will not answered also. Your no reply somehow becomes an answer to me. Maybe I felt going round this triangle is not a solution for the 3 of us, so I decided to withdraw from this triangle and give you 2 my blessing. I really don’t know how you feel, maybe you also think the same as me… I guess you are also in a dilemma in deciding, maybe my action will help you in making a decision and that is with him.
You ask me why I look sad on Thursday. I told you the reason now. The moment you told me your bf, I know you 2 still going on fine. That is also partly in making my decision to withdraw. Maybe you can say I am jealous, I can’t accept “seeing” you 2 still going on fine and I just an onlooker. I can only hope you didn’t make a wrong choice.
Why I don’t see there is a need to seek treatment for my knee? Because why should I care so much since it is only me that suffer and there are no others that I need to spare a thought for... There is only 2 ways that I can sleep every night. Is either I am really tired or by drinking. The aching in my knee cap and the thought of what happened between us make me can’t fall asleep. I don’t want to tell you earlier cause I know you will feel worried and “nag” at me or angry that I drink again... I also hope I can sleep without the above 2 ways but it just can’t happen... Maybe you had really leave a very very deep impression to me.
空荡的街景
想找个人放感情
做这种决定
是寂寞与我为邻
我们的爱情
像你路过的风景
一直在进行
脚步却从来不会为我而停
给你的爱一直很安静
来交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名
你说爱像云
要自在飘浮才美丽
我终於相信
分手的理由有时候很动听
给你的爱一直很安静
来交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名
给你的爱一直很安静
我从一开始就下定决心
以为自己要的是曾经
却发现爱一定要有回音
给你的爱一直很安静
想交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名
给你的爱一直很安静
除了泪在我的脸上任性
原来缘份是用来说明
你突然不爱我这件事情
This song really “speaks” my feeling. Your love is just like a passing by scenery and had never stop for me… My love for you sometimes is just to exchange for your little concern. I thought love is just giving out but I realized there must be some “reply”. This triangle consists the 3 of us but always I can’t have an official status...
You told me you also had feelings for me but can I ask you some questions, what is holding you back to start all over again? Will you regret if I am gone? Why you still so concern about me? Can you really give me up? Why you can’t bear to see me tender? I will not forced you for answers... I really hope we can be together one day... but I know it is impossible. I just can't accept we are only friends... I don't wish to get only "thanks" for all the things I had done...
I don’t know will you still have anything to tell me after reading this. If you got something to tell me, please let me know... I will know your answer if you don’t reply and I will know what to do. Please don’t regret, ok? This time maybe is the last time I will be asking...
28th August
Another week has gone. Office topic somehow surrounding on "colleague". Maybe me and her is really only fated to be colleague. Surprisingly, I still willing to "teach" and help her. Just like this morning, I knew she will forget to take the signage stand out and eventually I bring it out for her even I have no intention to.
I think I had succeed in looking "lively" today, so as not to make her feel sad. Once I step out of the building, I know I can take down my mask. By now, I should face the reality but I just can't do it. Can someone please tell me what to do?
Had been working late these 2 days... quite tired but I actually don't mind... maybe my subconscious tell me I might not be around soon...
I think I had succeed in looking "lively" today, so as not to make her feel sad. Once I step out of the building, I know I can take down my mask. By now, I should face the reality but I just can't do it. Can someone please tell me what to do?
Had been working late these 2 days... quite tired but I actually don't mind... maybe my subconscious tell me I might not be around soon...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Career
I think all people will be happy to be headhunted especially there is a promotion of appointment and increase in salary. It is recognition of their working ability by others. How many people wished they can be headhunted, at least once in their whole career path... But how come I don’t feel a sense of happiness even I am been approached? Instead I feel very vexed.
I had been waiting for a reopening of a certain post from a certain company. Now it has reopened the post but why I am contradicting if I should apply? Something still holding me back and I know if I didn’t get that answer, I cannot decide... One thing I am clear is that this post will reopen again after some time. But once this particular person had passed, it might be gone forever...
How many guys can actually withstand such a tempting offer? I think not many...
I had been waiting for a reopening of a certain post from a certain company. Now it has reopened the post but why I am contradicting if I should apply? Something still holding me back and I know if I didn’t get that answer, I cannot decide... One thing I am clear is that this post will reopen again after some time. But once this particular person had passed, it might be gone forever...
How many guys can actually withstand such a tempting offer? I think not many...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
25th August
Did I really assume wrongly? I had misunderstood her? But can’t blame also, giving any clever guy also can’t understand her... Firstly, she persuades me to give up... Secondly, she says she want to reconsider... Thirdly, she says she had a decision... Fourthly, she says it is not as what I had thought… Fifthly, she says it may or may not be the way I stated... Can she just say what is her thinking to clear the misunderstanding? if there is any...
Today I don't know if I should apply for a job. I know if I applied, it will be high chance that I will get in... I really want to know what is her thinking before I decide especially what I written in my previous post "is she considering or just waiting for "something" to happen between her and him?" I scare I will make a wrong decision and regret... She had asked me if there is anything that can make me stay, of course there will be... Even I stay now, it will not hinder my career advancement or anything, as this will be just a defer and not a permanent stay put... I hope she will understand this...
I noticed she is wearing flat soles today. At first, I don’t know anything unusual, thought she is just changing her shoes to suit her dressing... Somehow I decided to packet back her lunch instead of the arrangement of going there to eat... Then at the end of the day, she told me her leg is in pain... Is this so call predestined? I had “saved” her from walking during lunch...
Is there someone like 小鲍 in real life? He can stay by 常在心 even he know she had someone else in her mind... He don’t mind waiting and care for her even when they become an item... It is “lucky” in the drama that the guy died and 小鲍 determined effort finally got paid off when he gets to be with 常在心... But wonder what if that guy didn’t die, and how 小鲍 will feel when they get married? Regret? Heartbreaking?
I had decided to treasure the time I had at this site because I also not sure how long I will be staying here… Maybe these will be the “sweet” memories of my stay here despite my political engineering team... Everything will become my fault even when other shift engineer didn’t do their job... Why should I be the bad guy to ensure when it is the manager job? Instead of covering each other as a team, someone will be “pushed” to 背黑锅 when something happen and unfortunately, most of the time is me as I am been “blacklisted”... My manager told me the “sly” boss is very disappointed and unhappy of unsatisfactory service level... But as if I cared anyway, even when facing the “sly” boss, I also “bo chup”... maybe I know my objective of staying here is different from the past… After that “scolding”, I wanted to find someone to talk to and that person that come to my mind is her but eventually, I hold back... Why should I keep “disturbing” her when the “status” is different from the past?
Today I don't know if I should apply for a job. I know if I applied, it will be high chance that I will get in... I really want to know what is her thinking before I decide especially what I written in my previous post "is she considering or just waiting for "something" to happen between her and him?" I scare I will make a wrong decision and regret... She had asked me if there is anything that can make me stay, of course there will be... Even I stay now, it will not hinder my career advancement or anything, as this will be just a defer and not a permanent stay put... I hope she will understand this...
I noticed she is wearing flat soles today. At first, I don’t know anything unusual, thought she is just changing her shoes to suit her dressing... Somehow I decided to packet back her lunch instead of the arrangement of going there to eat... Then at the end of the day, she told me her leg is in pain... Is this so call predestined? I had “saved” her from walking during lunch...
Is there someone like 小鲍 in real life? He can stay by 常在心 even he know she had someone else in her mind... He don’t mind waiting and care for her even when they become an item... It is “lucky” in the drama that the guy died and 小鲍 determined effort finally got paid off when he gets to be with 常在心... But wonder what if that guy didn’t die, and how 小鲍 will feel when they get married? Regret? Heartbreaking?
I had decided to treasure the time I had at this site because I also not sure how long I will be staying here… Maybe these will be the “sweet” memories of my stay here despite my political engineering team... Everything will become my fault even when other shift engineer didn’t do their job... Why should I be the bad guy to ensure when it is the manager job? Instead of covering each other as a team, someone will be “pushed” to 背黑锅 when something happen and unfortunately, most of the time is me as I am been “blacklisted”... My manager told me the “sly” boss is very disappointed and unhappy of unsatisfactory service level... But as if I cared anyway, even when facing the “sly” boss, I also “bo chup”... maybe I know my objective of staying here is different from the past… After that “scolding”, I wanted to find someone to talk to and that person that come to my mind is her but eventually, I hold back... Why should I keep “disturbing” her when the “status” is different from the past?
Monday, August 24, 2009
24th August
Should I continue to reveal my problems or feelings on this blog? I had told myself not to "disturb" her again... But by writing my stuff on this blog, isn't that I am disturbing her indirectly? I had cut down the times from going to msn even I know she is online, not to sms her for non crucial matters. Last time, when I feel like sms her, I will just do it. But now, I need courage just to press the send button or to online my msn...
I don't want to press her for decision but can't help wondering if she really is considering or she just waiting for "something" to happen between him and her before she will decide. If nothing happen between them, then there will not be any changes. I can accept and wait if she really considering. But unfortunately, to me, it seem like it is the latter reason, so what the point of waiting for an unknown outcome even though I believed I have a place in her heart as what she said...
Human always don't treasure what they have and only regret when it is gone. Will she regret if she had "missed" the chance for us? I really don't know... Maybe he stills the better one in her heart no matter bf or husband... Will my "disappearance" make any difference to her? another colleague just left the team and lost one lunch mate or a friend that become more distant? When time fades me away from her and she will be back to normal and happily with him again?
Every single day passed, I realized it is getting fruitless for my stay here... When the time I feel really fruitless, it will be the day I going to tender... Don't know when that day will come, it might be tomorrow or it might not come at all... But the feeling is getting stronger... I just a normal ordinary person, I also need some assurance... what I want to do and say, I already done... all is up to her... But I can confirm my feelings for her did not change at all...
我的眼中装满疲惫
面对自己总觉得好累
我也需要人来陪
不让我心碎
让我爱到深处不后悔
其实我并不像他们说的
那样多刺难以安慰
爱人的心应该没有罪
为何在夜里却一再流泪
每天抱着寂寞入睡
生活过得没有滋味
别问我是谁
请与我相恋
我的真心没人能够体会
像我这样的人不多
为何还要让我难过
别问我是谁
请和我面对
看看我的眼角流下的泪
我和你并没有不同
但我的心更容易破碎
Have I lost passion in my job? Last time everything I am eager to try but today, the kid wanted to try some new "invention", I straightaway reject... Maybe due to recent happenings, every day I am like a walking corpse. No mood to do anything...
Why she want to know what I had done? To me, it doesn't seem to have any effect besides satisfying her curiosity... How to list out everything? Most is daily miscellaneous stuff... What for I keep record of everything? For claim back purpose?
Can she please tell me my assumptions are wrong? I really can’t figure out what her thinking... When will she tell me how she feel or think? Once in a blue moon?
I don't want to press her for decision but can't help wondering if she really is considering or she just waiting for "something" to happen between him and her before she will decide. If nothing happen between them, then there will not be any changes. I can accept and wait if she really considering. But unfortunately, to me, it seem like it is the latter reason, so what the point of waiting for an unknown outcome even though I believed I have a place in her heart as what she said...
Human always don't treasure what they have and only regret when it is gone. Will she regret if she had "missed" the chance for us? I really don't know... Maybe he stills the better one in her heart no matter bf or husband... Will my "disappearance" make any difference to her? another colleague just left the team and lost one lunch mate or a friend that become more distant? When time fades me away from her and she will be back to normal and happily with him again?
Every single day passed, I realized it is getting fruitless for my stay here... When the time I feel really fruitless, it will be the day I going to tender... Don't know when that day will come, it might be tomorrow or it might not come at all... But the feeling is getting stronger... I just a normal ordinary person, I also need some assurance... what I want to do and say, I already done... all is up to her... But I can confirm my feelings for her did not change at all...
我的眼中装满疲惫
面对自己总觉得好累
我也需要人来陪
不让我心碎
让我爱到深处不后悔
其实我并不像他们说的
那样多刺难以安慰
爱人的心应该没有罪
为何在夜里却一再流泪
每天抱着寂寞入睡
生活过得没有滋味
别问我是谁
请与我相恋
我的真心没人能够体会
像我这样的人不多
为何还要让我难过
别问我是谁
请和我面对
看看我的眼角流下的泪
我和你并没有不同
但我的心更容易破碎
Have I lost passion in my job? Last time everything I am eager to try but today, the kid wanted to try some new "invention", I straightaway reject... Maybe due to recent happenings, every day I am like a walking corpse. No mood to do anything...
Why she want to know what I had done? To me, it doesn't seem to have any effect besides satisfying her curiosity... How to list out everything? Most is daily miscellaneous stuff... What for I keep record of everything? For claim back purpose?
Can she please tell me my assumptions are wrong? I really can’t figure out what her thinking... When will she tell me how she feel or think? Once in a blue moon?
Sunday, August 23, 2009
22nd August
Today is the site 7th month praying again. So fast 1 year passed... Somehow I had become the centre of the topic. My vendors ask me how is me and my "gf"... to make it more happening, the kid 加盐加醋. They ask me 2 topics that are important to guys, love and career... Question been raised is why I still don't action? What I am waiting for? Then they asked when I can take over as manager? As usual, I can just replied with a smile. At that moment, how I wish I can say she is my gf...
After the lunch inside office, topic somehow change to korea drama... Site manager say guys that 默默地守护和关心着某个人，细心 or 真心地对代 are good guys and girls will often prefer them and those always appear in korean drama... that why she find the drama attractive. Is that really the truth? Good guys will have a happy ending with the girls they liked?
This is the first saturday that I left so early... cause my bro is having his birthday party. Again, all my relative ask me back the same old question "do you have gf, why you never bring her?" after my answer is no, the question will be "is time to look for one since you got your career". Despite my career is one of the most "successful" among my cousins, I am still single... Is my expectation high? Or I 爱上一个不该爱的人? Nothing to do throughout the night, wine and beer accompany me. How I wish she were there and I can proudly introduce her to everyone and accompany me, stopping me from drinking. Whole night I been thinking of her, does she feel the same also? Does she feel like dropping me a sms? I know the answer is NO... If it is last time, I will sms her but now I decided to leave her alone. Don't want to let my sms disturb her again...
No matter how much I want to know, I managed to "subdue" all the questions in my heart. But I guess she will be meeting him again tonight... Maybe her no reply is the best answer. Don't expect too much and will not disappointed as much... Anyway, I am not that "good and perfect"... so not surprise that I am not "chosen"... I really appreciate of her last reply to my blog. But I know she don’t own me an explanation, so I can’t expect she telling me everything…
Even though it is suppose to be a happy event, quarrel break out again. Some time just can't stand someone behavior but what to do, they still family...
After the lunch inside office, topic somehow change to korea drama... Site manager say guys that 默默地守护和关心着某个人，细心 or 真心地对代 are good guys and girls will often prefer them and those always appear in korean drama... that why she find the drama attractive. Is that really the truth? Good guys will have a happy ending with the girls they liked?
This is the first saturday that I left so early... cause my bro is having his birthday party. Again, all my relative ask me back the same old question "do you have gf, why you never bring her?" after my answer is no, the question will be "is time to look for one since you got your career". Despite my career is one of the most "successful" among my cousins, I am still single... Is my expectation high? Or I 爱上一个不该爱的人? Nothing to do throughout the night, wine and beer accompany me. How I wish she were there and I can proudly introduce her to everyone and accompany me, stopping me from drinking. Whole night I been thinking of her, does she feel the same also? Does she feel like dropping me a sms? I know the answer is NO... If it is last time, I will sms her but now I decided to leave her alone. Don't want to let my sms disturb her again...
No matter how much I want to know, I managed to "subdue" all the questions in my heart. But I guess she will be meeting him again tonight... Maybe her no reply is the best answer. Don't expect too much and will not disappointed as much... Anyway, I am not that "good and perfect"... so not surprise that I am not "chosen"... I really appreciate of her last reply to my blog. But I know she don’t own me an explanation, so I can’t expect she telling me everything…
Even though it is suppose to be a happy event, quarrel break out again. Some time just can't stand someone behavior but what to do, they still family...
Thursday, August 20, 2009
My thought and reply...
I was really surprised you will reply to my blog. This is the least that I had expected. And you had read and replied in such a late timing… sacrificing your “favorite pastime”… For your info, this will be a long post....
Remember you told me a "can't tell" personal problem that your past relationship all can't accept? Recently, I unintentionally roughly know what you referring to. The consideration I saying is your consideration for your decision... What if I tell you I can accept your "can't tell" personal problem, will there be any changes?
Everyone will feel sad when I leave this site including the pantry auntie. Maybe I am too 霸道 this time, I want to know how sad you will be and sad from what perspective? I admit last time I over emphasis and concern on you. I thought I staying for your sake. But is just 50-50 actually, 50 for you and 50 for the team and environment. But is also because of you, I interact more with the team and make me more can't bear to leave. I never realised how much this site had become my second home till I had a talk with my site manager. Though I belong to engineering, you, site manager and cleaning supervisor had become my 3 important persons in my career path. Site manager to me is a very good superior, cleaning supervisor to me is a very good "assistant" and you to me is a good companion which I wish we can become more than that. Maybe my expectation is high, to be frank, I think there still many areas for you to improve... I not that good also but I think I still can help you improve "a bit". That is me, I usually think of others before myself. Just like what I told the offering company "if my shift engineers haven't settled their switching, I will not be going over also". Before you went off yesterday, you told me you don't know engineering, so don't understand the quotation I doing. I wanted to reply you, if you willing to learn, I will teach you what I know. It will be sufficient for A&A works and daily stuff. But in the end, I hold back. You should know I don't let people know much of what I know as I am a very "protective" person. By allowing myself to teach a person of more than 50% what I know, that person stand a very important place in my heart. To go far, you need to be technical, management and paperwork sound. Maybe I am over confident, I think I don't have a big problem picking up in the 3 areas but you might not be as smooth as me. So my last time idea is to "guide" you and let you pick up bit by bit and once you on the track, that will be the time I can go off peacefully.
You are right, I want to know why you had chosen him over me, is it still the same till now? I just want to know frankly, is he whom you really happy with? In your heart, is he your ideal bf or even husband? Maybe I had think too far... I know you are a filial girl, partly due to you are only child. Will he take care of you and your parents? Sometime I really wish to know what had happened between you and him, what he had done that you had so deep feelings for him? You had disappointed me many times but every times after I feel sad or angry, I still hope there is a chance for us. If you told me we are unsuitable, up to now, I still think we had too much common interests and topics. Will you regret if you didn’t give us a chance to start?
I don’t know what his character is? Maybe I had assumed wrongly again… He might be filial, care for you and your family, had deep feelings for you, do many things for you, planning to go down the road with you, etc. That why he is very important in your heart and you don’t wish to give him up… I can tell you how good I am but it is all lies till you experienced it yourself… so IF there is a chance, I rather you explore it yourself …
Maybe I am too observant and sensitive. I don't know why you don't like to mention him in front of others. Maybe you find it is your personal problem, so no need to "publicise". But some time, I find you can go to the extent of deliberately don't want to mention him. Just like when your handphone dropped, it is him that notified you, right?
A couple together should not need "concentrating". They should feel relaxed instead, it will based on feeling, no need to think when talking, can just speak freely. If everytime together also need "concentrating", doesn't that mean when married, your mind will not be able to rest?
Dating doesn't mean have to spend a few hours together, even a simple dinner together will be sufficient... Is the thought and quality that counts, not quantity. I just find to become a couple, is just not between the 2 person but also the 2 families. Why people always think dating cannot have your family along? The only reason I can think of any one party still have doubt in the other party. If can't separate 亲情 and 爱情, why don't lump it together. 人以孝为先.
For me, I don't mind bringing my gf and my family out together or vice versa, I can accompany her with her parents. cause I know if married, I still had to face them for long. Singapore is so small, can't be every dating also go out. Some time, accompany her to watch performance, shopping for her items, watching drama or doing household chores at her house can also consider dating. Even shopping for goceries, whipping a simple meal for the whole family will make the day. I think this way, maybe that what I been doing over the weekends... I will not let my gf tear between me and her family... To be together, there need to be give and take and there no such thing as worthy for each other a not. Everyone got their flaws, by loving each other, it also include their flaws. Loving my gf not only sharing her problem, taking care of her only but also her family also. If not, how will they have faith to entrust their daughter to. Filial is not only show by giving gifts but also the small action. Of course, there will be times when it will be "two person world", so it will depend on how well the time management is. For whatever reason if my gf is tired and even she had “requested” not to meet, I will still do things that help her relaxed, even by looking at her or accompanying her home, I will still be happy… But human is selfish… of course I will expect something in return… I expect her to be considerate, accept my flaws, sharing my joy, sorrow and problems, understand me, don’t hide anything from me and continue to “upgrade” in her career… I want one day, others will be proud of us in career or anything and me and she is proud of each other also…
By telling you all this, I am not forcing or hinting anything. I just don't want to live with regret. I hope you will not also. I know there might not be a chance of meeting the same person as you again and same as you of meeting me once we had "crossed" each other path. 过了这个山就没有这个村. As what I had asked you earlier, can you please ask yourself truthfully, will he be the guy that can give you happiness and entrust yourself to?
I don’t want you to think “I am not worthy for such a good guy”, “I had let him down many times and don’t deserved anything”, “I will hinder his career advancement”, “I can’t repay of what he had done for me”, etc. Can you just think who you are happy with or who can give you happiness? Only you yourself can determine your future… can you think for yourself this time round? I hope you can continue to tell me what you want to tell me last night…
Remember you told me a "can't tell" personal problem that your past relationship all can't accept? Recently, I unintentionally roughly know what you referring to. The consideration I saying is your consideration for your decision... What if I tell you I can accept your "can't tell" personal problem, will there be any changes?
Everyone will feel sad when I leave this site including the pantry auntie. Maybe I am too 霸道 this time, I want to know how sad you will be and sad from what perspective? I admit last time I over emphasis and concern on you. I thought I staying for your sake. But is just 50-50 actually, 50 for you and 50 for the team and environment. But is also because of you, I interact more with the team and make me more can't bear to leave. I never realised how much this site had become my second home till I had a talk with my site manager. Though I belong to engineering, you, site manager and cleaning supervisor had become my 3 important persons in my career path. Site manager to me is a very good superior, cleaning supervisor to me is a very good "assistant" and you to me is a good companion which I wish we can become more than that. Maybe my expectation is high, to be frank, I think there still many areas for you to improve... I not that good also but I think I still can help you improve "a bit". That is me, I usually think of others before myself. Just like what I told the offering company "if my shift engineers haven't settled their switching, I will not be going over also". Before you went off yesterday, you told me you don't know engineering, so don't understand the quotation I doing. I wanted to reply you, if you willing to learn, I will teach you what I know. It will be sufficient for A&A works and daily stuff. But in the end, I hold back. You should know I don't let people know much of what I know as I am a very "protective" person. By allowing myself to teach a person of more than 50% what I know, that person stand a very important place in my heart. To go far, you need to be technical, management and paperwork sound. Maybe I am over confident, I think I don't have a big problem picking up in the 3 areas but you might not be as smooth as me. So my last time idea is to "guide" you and let you pick up bit by bit and once you on the track, that will be the time I can go off peacefully.
You are right, I want to know why you had chosen him over me, is it still the same till now? I just want to know frankly, is he whom you really happy with? In your heart, is he your ideal bf or even husband? Maybe I had think too far... I know you are a filial girl, partly due to you are only child. Will he take care of you and your parents? Sometime I really wish to know what had happened between you and him, what he had done that you had so deep feelings for him? You had disappointed me many times but every times after I feel sad or angry, I still hope there is a chance for us. If you told me we are unsuitable, up to now, I still think we had too much common interests and topics. Will you regret if you didn’t give us a chance to start?
I don’t know what his character is? Maybe I had assumed wrongly again… He might be filial, care for you and your family, had deep feelings for you, do many things for you, planning to go down the road with you, etc. That why he is very important in your heart and you don’t wish to give him up… I can tell you how good I am but it is all lies till you experienced it yourself… so IF there is a chance, I rather you explore it yourself …
Maybe I am too observant and sensitive. I don't know why you don't like to mention him in front of others. Maybe you find it is your personal problem, so no need to "publicise". But some time, I find you can go to the extent of deliberately don't want to mention him. Just like when your handphone dropped, it is him that notified you, right?
A couple together should not need "concentrating". They should feel relaxed instead, it will based on feeling, no need to think when talking, can just speak freely. If everytime together also need "concentrating", doesn't that mean when married, your mind will not be able to rest?
Dating doesn't mean have to spend a few hours together, even a simple dinner together will be sufficient... Is the thought and quality that counts, not quantity. I just find to become a couple, is just not between the 2 person but also the 2 families. Why people always think dating cannot have your family along? The only reason I can think of any one party still have doubt in the other party. If can't separate 亲情 and 爱情, why don't lump it together. 人以孝为先.
For me, I don't mind bringing my gf and my family out together or vice versa, I can accompany her with her parents. cause I know if married, I still had to face them for long. Singapore is so small, can't be every dating also go out. Some time, accompany her to watch performance, shopping for her items, watching drama or doing household chores at her house can also consider dating. Even shopping for goceries, whipping a simple meal for the whole family will make the day. I think this way, maybe that what I been doing over the weekends... I will not let my gf tear between me and her family... To be together, there need to be give and take and there no such thing as worthy for each other a not. Everyone got their flaws, by loving each other, it also include their flaws. Loving my gf not only sharing her problem, taking care of her only but also her family also. If not, how will they have faith to entrust their daughter to. Filial is not only show by giving gifts but also the small action. Of course, there will be times when it will be "two person world", so it will depend on how well the time management is. For whatever reason if my gf is tired and even she had “requested” not to meet, I will still do things that help her relaxed, even by looking at her or accompanying her home, I will still be happy… But human is selfish… of course I will expect something in return… I expect her to be considerate, accept my flaws, sharing my joy, sorrow and problems, understand me, don’t hide anything from me and continue to “upgrade” in her career… I want one day, others will be proud of us in career or anything and me and she is proud of each other also…
By telling you all this, I am not forcing or hinting anything. I just don't want to live with regret. I hope you will not also. I know there might not be a chance of meeting the same person as you again and same as you of meeting me once we had "crossed" each other path. 过了这个山就没有这个村. As what I had asked you earlier, can you please ask yourself truthfully, will he be the guy that can give you happiness and entrust yourself to?
I don’t want you to think “I am not worthy for such a good guy”, “I had let him down many times and don’t deserved anything”, “I will hinder his career advancement”, “I can’t repay of what he had done for me”, etc. Can you just think who you are happy with or who can give you happiness? Only you yourself can determine your future… can you think for yourself this time round? I hope you can continue to tell me what you want to tell me last night…
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