19th July

Today is a day of mixed feelings. Initial plan in the morning is to go back office even though I am not really required to do so... because I know she will be back.. Late morning, I had decided not to go back as I had drop the idea of asking her out after work due to this week is quite busy for her and same goes to the next few weeks.. I wanted her to have more rest and do not want to see her over tired.. Then in the early afternoon, due to some reasons, I was back in office.. Since there was a change in plan, I asked her if she want to go out for a walk with me and she agreed.. I was contented for the times with her even it is just only 2 hours... everything seem to be worthwhile including the almost 12 hours of work yesterday..

A thing that make me happy today is when she told me the watch she looking for is for herself and not for him.. :D
"无条件为你不顾明天的安稳
为你变坚强相信你的眼神
不敢想不敢问
有一天坏的可能
无条件为你放弃单独的旅程
为你坚强就不怕牺牲
我的灵魂如此沸腾
为我爱的人"
无条件为你

18th July

Reached office at 8+, whole office is empty... Thought vendor will be early but they failed to surprise me.. The earliest vendor come at 9+... Maybe I been through all these for "so many" times, this long maintenance work seem normal to me...

Since nothing to do, I turn on my laptop and listen to some songs.. If she is more observant, she will know that all the songs I played is those with special "meaning".. Slowly, one by one vendor came in and I do all the necessary arrangement. I know all these work is not under my duty to take care and she had reminded me of that.. But don't she think it is useless as my mind already set to cover for her? I am extremely happy to know her honest answer from her heart when she told me been with me, she feel happy.. All my efforts seem to be worthwhile.. I don't know how honest her answer is, but I choose to believe it...

Think the "greatest" thing of the day will be I suggested to cover for her during the evening, so she can go ahead with her weekly "appointment" with him.. Why I would do that? Cos I know the feeling of waiting, the feeling of can't be with someone and I know if she miss this "appointment", she will most probably get to see him again in a week's time.. All these will only result in unhappiness... If I let her go, I will be unhappy... If I let her miss the "appointment", she will be unhappy.. I really don't wish to see the latter, so I choose to cover for her.. just let me be the only person to "suffer" rather than two person... That also the reason why I keep persuading her to go off early... The longer she stay and I know she will be meeting him after that, it just make me more depressed....

Tonight got fireworks for NDP, I hope one day I can watch the short beautiful moments with her, just the both of us... maybe there is no maybe at all... I had sms her if she had saw the fireworks with him, she had replied no and asked me what time I left the office.. I choose not to reply as I know this might only affect her tonight mood... Each time she ask me what time I am leaving office today, I hope it is a concern from her and not just for the sake of asking or to feel less guilty.. Please don't feel bad or guilty for what I had done and pity or sympathize me for that...

Tonight is the only night that I feel not to reply your sms or waiting for u to online in msn...
"我不管你用任何眼光看我 我都不会选择放弃
我要坚持到底 忽略那些冷言冷语
爱是如此珍贵 值得我们彼此相信
两颗心才越靠越近
And no one knows
Why I’m into you
Cause you'll never know
what its like to walk in our shoes
没人会懂 是我们的梦
懂再多困难只要牵手 就变得不同
That’s why we'll break through
And I don’t care what they say
I’m gonna be with you
I’m gonna be with you
I wanna be with you
我不在乎怎么做
I’m gonna be with you
I’m gonna be with you
I’m gonna be with you
Seems like every day that go by
things are gettin harder
Want to be the one that
give you the whole enchilada
Cause I know what my baby like,
I lean you on that Prada
You ain’t got to match with the shoes
我知道每一次的沟通 就会让我爱你更多
跟一次的拥抱 温暖让我不再怯懦
爱是真实的触摸 美好或相同"
Be With You

17th July

Not a peaceful day today.. One of the glass inside the office shattered, I believed a person ability can only be shown during emergency or alarms. As I had experienced this before, I can handle the situation calmly... While waiting for the vendor to come and cleared the mess, my security concierge ask me to postphone my plan of throwing letter till the sept shutdown is over.. Although my answer to him is see how, but I already decided to defer my plan till "further notice".. Reason is not because of anything but her...

I thought the night will be ending after dinner when she told me she going to take mrt home.. I wanted to ask her for a drink as it is not easy to be alone with her recently due to "the kid" always so fated to be with us.. But I scare that will make her feel uneasy as I don't know how she will think.. so no choice but to keep quiet and accompany her to mrt.. Luckily upon reaching mrt, she say she wanted to get a drink, then I know the night will be "extend". While drinking at macdonald, we watch and discuss about the drama.. As the aircon is quite cold after some time and she is wearing sleeveless, I suggested to go to the outdoor where it will be warmer. Even though I wanted to continue watching the drama with her but the time is late, so I told her she had to go home after that episode. Don't want to put her in difficult position, I decided not to send her home even though I wanted to..

Tomorrow will be a busy day again.. She is asked to come in the morning but I think she should know that with me around, she can just go for her training and come in the afternoon. And only she has the ability to make me do it for her voluntarily.. So I told her I will cover for her and she agreed.

I really enjoyed the times with her, make me forget all the day problems and doing anything just for that few moments with her is also worthwhile. Human is greedy, now I hoping she isn't meeting "anyone" tomorrow as the work has no fixed completion timing.. but even she meeting "that one", I will also respect her wish and cover for her till the work completed... I can do anything as long as she is happy...
"咖啡麻醉不了孤单 只会让心更烫
哦 都一样 所谓梦想 终究飘飘荡荡
在迷乱的台北流浪 寻找一个幻想
突然很渴望在我身上 找到妳要的靠岸
　　
这一刻 当我们都感觉到彼此的心愿
爱情早已经开始 思念早已经蔓延"
靠岸

16th July

Nothing special today.. But been with her, it become like a fruitful day.. Clearing office storeroom today, actually it is not my job but eventually I suggest ideas on how to rearrange and move the stores. I think I really had changed since she arrived here.. I start to become more "helpful" and my working interaction with everyone seem to have improve..

I thought somehow by letting her know how I feel, it will affect our daily working interaction. But surprise it doesn't affect much, still the same as in the past, I hope this will continue...

Maybe really is fate, tomorrow we are meeting for dinner again due to got after office hour work.. I will try my best not to let her feel so bored again... I feel like I get to know her better with everyday went past.. I will keep my promise and wait for her till the day I can moved her heart..

Found a song that can really describe my feeling at the moment..
"Let's fall in love 她却不晓得
我每一分钟都等着 她这样承诺
Let's fall in love 在匆忙人世中
我从来没怀疑过 这样一个选择

她微笑诉说 心中想些什么
我多么希望她能够 其中提到我

Let's fall in love 她还不晓得
在她眼中我的脸 是多么的失落
Let's fall in love 在拥挤的寂寞中
哪一天她会开口 说
Let's fall in love"
Let's fall in love

15th July

First day back to work.. seem like quite a long break when it is only 7 days... Whole morning busy clearing email and outstanding work.. But it is better than reservist...

Finally got the chance to lunch with her again.. Maybe our conversation has bored her, she seem rather quiet and bored throughout the whole lunch... wanted to change topic so she can involve, but I failed to do so... :( After lunch, as usual, we go walk walk and while waiting for my shift engineer to queue for some phone enquires, me and her sit down there and watch tvb drama.. I really hope this can last forever, sharing our view on the drama and occasionally, seeing her getting over excited over the drama... But happy times don't last, soon we are back to office..

Not long after, is time to knock off and again can go walk walk with her. We decided to walk to Marina Square for dinner.. Along the way, we passed by Mango shop, I guessed she will go in to take a look after dinner and I am correct. Wanted to accompany her to go in but as my shift engineer is around, I don't want her to feel awkward, so I waited outside for her. Then we go for a drink at Suntec.. All the while she just listened to our conversation.. I wanted to talk to her but guessed she doesn't want "others" to be suspicious, so I just have to carry on the conversation... Then her phone ring, first thought is that "someone" call her, then ask her if she want to go somewhere.. My heart is like suspending in the air.. Then luckily she reject... My mood lighten up but dampen again when I saw her look tired and trying to "endure" through the night... Throughout the whole night, I tried to hold back in many instances just not to arouse any suspicion...

Maybe is fate.. suddenly the next few weekends is full of maintenance works.. does that mean we will have more time together?
"是你在那个雨季冲进我生命 带着一点任信和迷人的表情
是你在那个雨季赶走了孤寂 温暖的笑容还我仅有的坚定
天上一万颗星星 我却只看见你
要说这是幸运 还是不可思议
身边有太多风景 我却停在这里
说我傻得可以 还不是因为你

是你的声音 带给我勇气
恋爱的频率 直到我心底
如果你愿意 是的我愿意
爱在我幸福的主旋律"
愛的主旋律

14th July

What should I say? Today is the last day of reservist and also the clocking of 4th high key in camp training.. But more happy is I can see her again daily from tomorrow onwards.. to add up my happiness, tomorrow we are going out for dinner even though there is someone else joining... Waiting to go out with her make me become a small kid waiting for excursion.. Where has the usual me that can command a power shutdown goes to?? I think only she has the ability to make my usual self disappear...

To conclude, this reservist is the most relax as compared to all my previous but as usual, the waiting for next thing to happen is what I hate.. Luckily, her sms had support me through the period.. I think the longest waiting that I had without getting frustrated is to wait for her during weekends...
"忘了怎么开始
也许就对你一种感觉
忽然间发现自己
已深深爱上你 真很简单

爱地暗天黑都已无所谓
非非无法抉择
没有后悔 为爱日夜去跟随
那个疯狂人我 喔～

I LOVE YOU 无法不爱着你 BABY 说你也爱我
I LOVE YOU 永远不愿意 BABY 失去你

不可能更快乐 只要能一起 做什么都可以
虽然世界变个不停 用最真诚心 让爱变简单"
爱很简单

I agree a relationship consists of many factors. Is true that unhappy might not end up in giving up but maybe if we do it in a more "logical" way, list out all the affecting factors and analysis which factors fail to make the mark, it might help one more easy to make the decision. If the relationship is giving the person more trouble than happiness, why don't just face the short term pain rather than the long term "torturing".. It might benefit both parties in the long run..

My preception: whatever matters that concern love, it is better not to deceive oneself, because eventually you might not be the only one that get hurt or regret, surrounding people might also be hurt in the process.. Be fair to oneself and follow your heart.. it might lead you the wrong way but at least you had tried before and will not regret as much...

13th July

Today is the earliest day to fall out from the camp due to we had finished our proficiency test sooner than expected. So fast tomorrow is the last day of reservist..

I promised to wait for her but sometime I simply just can't hold on my feelings.. Whenever my phone received new message, I hope it is from her but always it is those nuisance user complaints tickets from my office.. Recently become so emotional, maybe is due to I had not seen her for so many days and the only way of contact is through msn or sms.. Somehow without seeing her make me feel rather uneasy.. Once again, I admire her boyfriend can only meet her once a week and go overseas for half a year.. I just didn't see her for 3-4 days, I already find it hard to endure even there is sms and msn going on... The feeling is I never experienced before, does that mean I didn't treat my previous relationship as serious as this? I know because of my "status", many things got a limitation such as I wanted to know how she have been? Busy for the day? Anything she need help or share with me? None of this I can do as I afraid she might just ignore me forever...

This time round, I admit defeat.. I don't know how but she managed to break me down emotionally... She had told me don't think too much but no matter how hard I tried, my thinking would eventually goes to her... I don't wish to give her up as I know I might not find another one that is same like her... If fate arranged for the site rotation which permits us to know each other, when can we be together?

A couple in love should be happy but why she always don't seem so.. and this made me feel sad also... Is she just holding on? Does she feel anything for me? Touched for all the things I done for her? Her boyfriend more suitable for her? Her boyfriend can bring more happiness to her? Does I got any place in her heart? Did she ever got think of me? Does she know my "suffering" everyday? I got too many questions to ask her but I know this will just pressurize her more... so all these questions will remain in my heart... I just hope one day, she can pick up her courage, be fair to herself and follow her heart... I remember she said before, during a breakup, the gal will suffered tremendous stress and sadness.. I wanted to let her know, no matter what happen, I will be there for her...
"没别的 只想说对不起 对不起 我真的爱你
不管你会怎么想 你怎么说 也不会改变我的决定
你知道 有时候感情事很难说 很难说 爱人或朋友
从前到现在我真的感觉要 一想你 我的心就发烧

想给你听我的心跳 想你知道我睡的不好
喝水想着你 搭车想着你 合眼闭眼间 出现的全是你
我猜不到你的表情 我等不到你的回应
不想难为你 又不想放弃你
决定告诉你 对不起对不起 我爱你"
对不起我爱你

I notice one thing, whenever I sms her, there will sure be some delay in her reply which I don't mind... As long as she got replied, I am already contented.. But what make me curious is why she need to delay in replying? I "choose" to act blur for thinking of an answer... as I don't want to face any "bad" news anymore...

For her info, every song in all the post represent my thinking to her...

Will She Believe?

Will she believe that she is always on my mind? I think her habit of checking her phone of sms had influenced me, now I also constantly checking my phone for her sms even though I know she will only reply sms and not initial... I don't blame her as my status is still a friend to her... Whenever I am happy or sad, I wish she is the first person that I can shared with... I am always thinking of how to give her surprise, make her laugh, so she can be happier and forget the unhappy stuff at least for that moment... I feel worried for her when I know she is out for the night and never replied back my sms... and now after the recent taekwondo accident, I was scared that she will be injured during training, so I constantly reminded her to be more careful.. I feel like telling her I miss her... but I know doing that will only make her more miserable, forcing her to make a decision.. so I would rather "suffer" than let her know....

From don't know when, our sms had "expand" from work related only to also non work related.. I wish to tell her to follow her heart and "don't think too much" but I scared that it will become a misinterpretation of breaking her current relationship... What should I do??
"我的心想唱首歌给你听 歌词是如此的甜蜜
可是我害羞 我没有勇气 等你说一句我爱你
为什么你还是不言不语 难道你不懂我的心
不管你用什么方式表明 我会对你说我愿意
千言万语裏 只有一句话能表白我的心
千言万语裏 只要一句话就
能够让我们相偎相依
我爱你 你是我的茱丽叶
我愿意变成你的梁山伯
幸福的每一天 浪漫的每一夜
把爱不放开"
梁山伯与茱丽叶

I had also include one of her favorite song "容祖儿-心淡" as the background music... The chorus part music is nice but the meaning doesn't represent how I feel... cos my feeling for her is not 淡.. :)

游龙戏凤

幸福是一个水晶球, 从天空掉了下来, 掉到地上摔的粉碎, 碎片到处都是, 无论你怎么努力, 都捡不完, 我相信只要我们努力了, 玻璃球的碎片怎么都会捡到一点, 那就是幸福

Just finished the 2nd part of 游龙戏凤, the above phase is the declaration from Andy Lau to Shu Qi.. If one really try and work hard, will he really get the happiness he want?

I think the most touching part will be the last part "幸福是要争取的". Is love really can let people overcome all barrier? Like the views from other people when the driver and the single mother is together... Will a gal be touched after the guy had changed and done so much for her? Like how Andy Lau had given up the investment plans and learn how to sms in chinese... The giving or saying of her may not be significant to her but to him, it mean a lot.. just like the champagne glass in the movie...

I like the part when Andy Lau ask his driver 3 question: 喜不喜欢? 喜不喜欢? 喜不喜欢? If everything can based on 喜不喜欢, then there will not be so much problem... I hope she can follow her heart also...

Waiting for her to online to send her the coreplayer, so she can watched video on her handphone.. Hope this time round, the player can work or my yesterday night effort will go down the drain...

12th July

Here comes the Sunday again... Wake up at 6+ due to an unusual feeling, feel worried as I never saw her replying my sms since last evening and never saw her online.. Wonder if I should sms her to find out how she is but eventually I does that.. I know that action seem to beyond the "limitation" of a friend should do and instead of showing concern, it will become like a pressure to her.. Hope she don't seem it that way... Anyway, I glad that she replied she is all right..
"若不是因为爱着你 怎会有不安的情绪
每个莫名的日子里 我想你 想你 好想你
爱是折磨人的东西 却又舍不得这样放弃
不停揣测你的心里 可有我姓名
爱是我唯一的秘密 让人心碎却又着迷
无论是用什么言语 只会 只会思念你"
爱情

After all the recent "happenings", I had decided to stay after my site power shutdown. It will mean I can still be with her for some more time but it will also mean a lot a lot of work and preparation need to be done.. not to mention is the "play me out" session from my boss and that will also mean my next "advancing" appointment will be delayed.. I know questions will be asked if this is worthwhile? For her, I think the answer is yes.. As what she usually say, don't think too much.... hahhahaaa :p

Tomorrow is another boring day again.. proficiency test.. but think positively, is the 2nd last day of reservist... once tomorrow is gone, nothing much left as last day is for feedback and debrief... then I can have lunch with her again... hahaaa..

If only she can practise her decisiveness on her work to her relationship matters, then situation might be different... 天底下没有不散的宴席, hope she will understand.. as what I had come across somewhere before, don't hold on because of duration, but hold on because of interest (feel)...

11th July

I think this is the first time we watch a movie together... on my laptop inside the office... A pity is that we only manage to watch the first part as she need to rush off for her "weekly" appointment.. At first, I thought there is a major scheduled maintenance work, so she need to come back to supervise. Later I found out that the work had been rescheduled and left only a minor A&A work. I wonder why she still come back? I hope the reason is because I am going back but I think the possibility is not high...

I think she is watching transformer 2 tonight as I "accidentally" saw her screen on the booking tickets page. I can sensed that she is feeling unhappy again. Firstly, when I ask her what time she leaving, she answered don't know with a depressed tone. Secondly, she keep going into the cinema seating booking plan but wait till timed out. My guess will be she is unsure whether that "someone" want to watch with her... I don't know if I should hope my guess is correct or not. If correct, she will be unhappy and I will unhappy also. If incorrect, I will be demoralised... But anyway, I managed to let her have a few laughs from the movie we watched. Hope this will let her mood be better.

Even though is just a mere 2.5 hours together, I already contented. Maybe my subconscious told me I can be with her is not an entitlement but a privilege. I think my thinking has "matured"... Worse, I help her to look out for any watch sale as this is most probably a gift from her to the "someone".... What am I doing??
"The smile on your face
Let's me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say nothing at all"
When You Say Nothing At All

11th July

It has been very very very long that I woke up at 8+am on a saturday morning... The feeling is so shiok and some more, get to see her again in the afternoon after such a "long" time... hahaa.. How can such a simple thing make me so happy? If it is in the past, I would rather stayed at home than making a trip to office.. But now, I don't mind doing anything just for the sake of her.. Is it the knowing of her have changed me?
"有个女孩让我好想念
我的心已经飞到这个城市的另一边
想看着你 我爱的脸
把心里的感情都对你说
那马路上天天都在塞
而每个人天天在忍耐
没有你日子很黑白
原来这样就是恋爱
我想要你在我身边
分享生命中的一切
我想要 天天说 天天说
天天对你说 我有多爱你"
天天

10th July

The long boring week has ended finally... no more lecture, waiting and briefing... Today ended quite late due to after action review but lucky is tomorrow no need to go back. By the time, I leave camp is already 6.25pm... Strange, when I am in office, I don't find that time is late, I even think that it is still early.. maybe the reason lies with she is around....

Even though is just 6 days, I got a feeling like very long never saw her.. Can't wait for tomorrow to come even it will just a few hours of together... Wonder does her boyfriend have this feeling also? If he does, he will not only meet her once per week... oops.. I talk bad about him again.. haha.. If I am not wearing that stupid green uniform, I will sure meet her for dinner and go walk walk near her place as my camp is around that area also.. But too bad... those have chance don't cherish, those cherish but no chance.....

I am getting easier satisfied nowadays.. Just msn or receive sms from her will make my day happy.. Even happier when she asking me how I am... Maybe I have realised love doesn't mean possession.. as long as she is happy, I will also happy... But it will be better if I can have the privilege of possession... hahahaaaa
"虽然不曾说 相信你正在懂 就算牵的不是我的手 我不真的难过
不知道在高兴什么 你的笑容 有时候也宁可当作你在为我加油
不知道在妄想什么 只告诉自己 I Believe
你终会看到我 在某个时候 想让你陪伴的是我"
I Believe

9th July

Yeah!! Half of the whole reservist had passed.. I think this is what all NSman is looking forward to. Today is a boring day full of lecture, luckily sms with her managed to keep me awake... Saturday most probably will drop by office as I do not need to go back to camp as I had my IPPT cleared.

Last night finally I get to know what she think. Even though the answer is not what I had hope for, but I have confidence that one day my action will moved her heart. I will continue to work towards this target as good things is usually hard to get. Ganbatte!!!! 精诚所至,金石为开
"我的世界　变得奇妙更难以言喻
还以为　是从天而降的梦境
直到确定　手的温度来自你心里
这一刻　我终于勇敢说爱你
一开始　我只顾着看你
装做不经意　心却飘过去
还窃喜　你　没发现我　躲在角落
忙着快乐　忙着感动
从彼此陌生到熟　会是我们从没想过
真爱　到现在　不敢期待
要证明自己　曾被你想起　Really
我胡思乱想就从今天起　I wish
像一个陷阱　却从未犹豫　相信
你真的愿意　就请给我惊喜"
说爱你

Relationship is like a plant. It need two party to water and add fertilizer for it to grow. If both party don't understand each other, they might over water or didn't water the plant due to no communication or don't know each other thinking. Sooner or later, the plant will die off... For it to grow healthily, both will need to shower it with care and concern. If anyone party had lost the feel or interest to take care of the plant, it might not be a bad idea to give it up as holding on to it will only be wasting time and making both party to be unhappy in the future... But on the other hand, if the plant is growing well, it should be able to survive through all kinds of weather.

I hope "someone" will agree with me on the above same view...

A love story that is familiar
洪俊扬　杜蕙甹　明年1月结婚
洪俊扬靠狗求婚　杜蕙甹感动落泪
Project SuperStar are getting married!

8th July

无惊无险又过一天... Long time never sleep and wake up so early... Sleep at 11, wake up at 530.. tired... Finally experienced back the squeezing inside a train, the last time that I squeeze is during my first job at boon lay... Today is the first time that I can knock off earlier than my normal job.. Hope the next few days is the same.....

I should be happy for having such a not so demanding high key reservist but why am I not feeling this way? Maybe her answer is the thing that is wandering in my mind.. My confidence is like roller coaster, sometime is high and sometime is low... Waiting for her to reply my sms keep me occupied for the day... I wonder does she feel any difference for these few days when I not in the office? Not regarding work matters but personal I mean... Sometime I feel like asking her directly for her decision as I simply can't endure the waiting process anymore but I afraid of the negative outcome.....

Yesterday I also email her the date of her favorite dance performance "The next wave". Even though she only casually mentioned once, I still can remember it clearly. As she is unsure of the performance date for this year, I always keep a look out for her. Will she be touched or surprise to know this?
"我记的有一个人
永远留在我心中
那怕只能够这样的想你
如果真的有一天
爱情理想会实现
我会加倍努力好好对你
永远不改变……
不管路有多么远
一定会让它实现
我会轻轻在你耳边
对你说……对你说
我爱你……
爱着你……"
老鼠爱大米

Come across this quote somewhere and I wish to let her know
"For the world you are someone but for someone you are the world"

7th July

2nd day ended.. I surprise I still can complete the route march after 5 years never walk for such a long distance with full battle order. And some more I manage to keep up the pace. Long time never sweat so much, feeling is good but something still bothering in my heart...

Somehow I feel uneasy when I didn't see her or sms her.. Maybe I too used to it... Thinking I will not sms her today but eventually, I let my heart override my head and sms her... I really admired her boyfriend, can choose to meet her only once per week... wonder how he can do it.....
"如果你突然打了个喷嚏
那一定就是我在想你
如果半夜被手机吵醒
啊那是因为我关心
常常想你说的话是不是别有用心
明明很想相信却又忍不住怀疑
在你的心里我是否就是唯一
爱就是有我常烦着你"
爱你

Read on a newspaper that there is a taekwondo accident where a red belt accidentally kick on a green belt during friendly sparring and he become unconscious and now in critical condition... Hope she will be more careful during training and don't injure herself..

6th July

1st day of reservist.. full of waiting and listening to boring briefing... time seem to pass slowly... maybe I too used to stay in office for some reason... all along I hate reservist, especially during this period of time... haiz... Tomorrow will be a "tough" day as I am going for route march with full battle order... But thinking after that march, it will be a day nearer to see her again, so I think enduring through it will not be a big problem..

My office has a "legendary curse". Whenever "new" or covering duty personnel comes, there sure got some unlucky incident happened. Today both me and my site manager is not in office, so I hope it will be a peaceful day, if not she will be very busy. I think my wish had come true and today went past without major hiccups. I was gratified.

Human is contradicting, at one moment, I wish that day will come sooner, at another moment, I hope that day don't come as I afraid the outcome is not what I had expected. But no point running from reality, what will come, will come..
"I'm not really sure of the words to say
If only you knew that I feel this way
I wanna give my heart to you
Show me the way that you want me to

I know for sure there's a place for us
I'm counting the days 'till I feel your touch
You come to me when I dream at night
When I'm with you, it will be so right

If you can see the love in my eyes
You should know that I'm on your side
I'll be yours, you'll be mine"
What Will I Do

5th July

I had let her know this blog yesterday. I was surprised she had replied me today, telling me that we will talk after my reservist.. Now my mood is like a student eager to know his result... From her reply, I had a feeling that the outcome is not as what I had expected.. :( Anyway, as what I had said, I will respect her decision. I believed in fate, those not meant to be mine, it will not be mine.. I hope that this action of mine will not affect our normal daily interaction as in the past... All I can do now is just to keep my finger cross... 10 more days to go.... Gloomy weather today.. same as how I feel....
"我 一直都想对你说
你给我想不到的快乐 像绿洲给了沙漠
说 你会永远陪着我
做我的根 我翅膀 让我飞 也有回去的窝
我愿意 我也可以 付出一切 也不会可惜
就在一起 看时间流逝 要记得我们相爱的方式
就是爱你爱着你 有悲有喜 有你 平淡也有了意义
就是爱你爱着你 甜蜜又安心 那种感觉就是你"
就是愛你

Declaration

After getting to know you "officially" for 46 days, today I finally summon my courage and let you know what I am going to tell you. I believed you already sensed that all this while, I am not treating you as a simple normal friend. I not sure what your decision or reaction will be. Will you ever consider me? Will you feel any difference when I not inside the office?
"我还在寻找 一个依靠和一个拥抱
谁替我祈祷 替我烦恼 为我生气为我闹

幸福开始有预兆 缘分让我们慢慢紧靠
然后孤单被吞沒了 无聊变得有话聊 有变化了

小酒窝长睫毛 是你最美的记号
我每天睡不着 想念你的微笑
你不知道 你对我多么的重要
有了你 生命完整的剛好

小酒窝长睫毛 迷人得无可救药
我放慢了步调 感觉像是喝醉了
终于找到 心有灵犀的美好
一辈子暖暖的好 我永远愛你到老"
小酒窝

I can't promise you anything different from your current boyfriend but I will try my best to give you all that I have. I hope one day I can replaced him in your heart. Remember I ask you at esplanade library before, career and love, which is more important? Same as you, my answer will be love. I will choose to stay with you and forgo any career advancement chance or long term overseas trip. I believe if I missed this moment to be with you, I will not get back no matter how good my career is. With you beside me, I believed I can brave through any obstacle or endure anything from the cunning sly boss. I keep asking myself, why a simple gal like you can make me fall for you? I think it is your character and personality and the same interest that you had as me. I hope you still remember there is a suspected case in the office on a thurs night, first thing that come into my mind is shall it be confirmed case and the severity like SARS, I would volunteer to go back in your place even though you might just treat me as a normal friend at that time.
"爱上了一个人 能够为她牺牲
就算付出了生命 我甘心为了你
两个人在一起 分享爱的命运
永远都不会忘记 我们生活点滴

你是我最深爱的女人 你有最美丽的嘴唇
你拥有最动人的眼神 你带给我幸福和快乐"
你是我最深爱的人

Maybe we only know each other for a short duration, but I believed this is not a moment of impulse. When I first met you a few times at atrium or samsung hub, seriously I don't have a deep impression of you. This is the same even when you just come to ORQ. I thought I will treat you the same as previous DSM, not so much of helping each other. I will still go ahead with my engineering team for kopi or lunch. But as times goes by, I get to know you better and slowly got an urge to help you out, accompany you whenever you go. To let the team have a better view of you, I tried to be the mediator between you and them and even helped them to do things that I had not done for a long time to show them actually your "expectation" is not impossible. When you are not at site, I got an uneasy feeling. Slowly I realised that I had develop feelings for you and I start to ask you out with some stupid excuse. When you agree to go out with me for the first time, I thought I got chance to go after you. But later you told you got boyfriend and is already together for 2 years, I feel quite upset. I consider for a long time whether I should continue and I decided to leave it to fate and follow my heart. Whenever you mention about the word "boyfriend" or start sms, I will feel a pain in my heart or rather my confidence dropped. The more time we spent together, I realised I didn't make the wrong decision, you are the gal I been looking for. We shared a lot of common interest, topics and chat with almost everything under the sun. I know it will be awkward if I let you know this blog and the next day we meet. That why I choose to let you know now and for this 1 week plus, you can consider before you can give me an answer. Don't know why, I always got the feeling that you and your boyfriend is not exactly that happy together, your interest is different from him and you feeling insecure due to he didn't spend enough time with you. Either you or him is just enduring with the other party... I hope you understand that I don't have any motive for what I had done. Time will show you that my action is not only the initial period but every now and then. I hope I got the chance to tell you directly how I feel, the chance of showering you with love and care, sharing with you all the happiness and sorrow, spending all the important moments with you... maybe this chance is never meant to come.....
"Tell Me That You Love Me, Tell Me That You Care
Tell Me That You Need Me And I'll Be There
I'll Be There Waitin'...
I Will Always Love You, I Will Always Stay True
No One Else Will Love You Like I Do
Come To Me Now
I Will Never Leave You, I Will Stay Here With You
Through The Good And Bad I Will Stand True
I'm In Love With You..."
In Love With You

My dream will be working in the same office with you, sharing your workload, be it personal or work, knock off together, eating all the food you like and go out walk walk, witnessing all the beautiful fireworks, sitting by the sea or river enjoying the night scene, taking stroll hand in hand, watching and discuss all those TVB drama, taiwan variety show, gossiping, staying by your side, reminding you all those issue that you always forget. By now, you should had known that our current job doesn't have a fixed working hour, so I will try to cherish the time we had together. I always remember the time we spent together and the special memorable night with you at singapore river. Thanks for the night, it has been long time since I feel so relaxed and happy with a gal..
"我能想到最浪漫的事 就是和你一起慢慢变老
一路上收藏点点滴滴的欢笑 留到以后坐着摇椅慢慢聊
我能想到最浪漫的事 就是和你一起慢慢变老
直到我们老得哪儿也去不了 你还依然把我当成手心里的宝"

By telling you all these, I don't expect you to break with your boyfriend. But love is selfish, of course, I hope you will give me a chance to go after you. I know fate comes at the wrong time but I just hope you can be fair to yourself and make a decision.. If you scare that by giving me a chance will affect our working relationship with rest of the team or vendor, I can assure you that I will draw a line between work and personal. I will still treat you the same as what it has been during normal office hours. Don't worry, I respect your final decision, should your decision is to reject me, I hope you can still treat me as a normal friend or colleague. No matter your decision is give me a chance, reject or need time to consider, I hope you got an answer for me. No matter what, I will still treat you the same and support you from behind till my last day at site. I will leave is not due to you had reject me but I afraid the longer I spent time with you, the deeper I will sunk into.
"明夜我将离开，熟悉的地方和你，要分离，我眼泪掉下去。我会牢牢记住你的脸，我会珍惜你给的思念，这些日子在我心中永远不会被抹去"
再见

Should I am lucky to be given the chance, I hope the wednesday when I come back from reservist, you will agree to have dinner with me...

Changes......

Actually do she know that since the day she arrived at my site, I had changed a lot... Last time, I am always missing from my desk, hiding at some corner playing my laptop, seldom helping out with the rest of the team, often go for kopi break with my boss, weekend go off early when nothing to do, will not deliberately come back to do something when I can just ask the shift engineer to do (such as reset fire system), on the dot 6 knock off, lunch with boss, etc... But when she just came, my daily routine workstyle is still the same... From don't know when, I start to change, everyday sit at my desk, turning my head to glimpse at her, intranet chatting with her, stop bringing laptop, help out the team to lighten their workload and their impression towards her, have lunch with her instead of boss, reject most kopi break with boss, waiting for her to knock off together which is usually half an hour past 6, deliberately go back on sunday to meet her, saturday stay back with her, thinking of ways to make her laugh, "enlighten" her of something that she do not know, etc... Maybe this is so call the power of love....
"这是一个沒有答案的问题
我感觉我变了 谁让我变了
因为这是一个没有答案的問题
却被你解开了 简单的解开了
你走过來 帶着和別人不同的对白
你甚至不让我知道 你对我有多好

慢慢的 这份愛 悄悄的住下來
深深的 在心里 沒人看的出來
安靜的 但却一直都在是你默默的愛

慢慢的 这份愛 已经变成依赖
浅浅的 笑容里 却让我充满期待
不用说 我就能夠明白OH你默默的爱"
默默

Most of my friends told me that they will not find their other half in the same office.. They say it will be difficult to work together next time and also hard to "flirt" with other gals. But to me, this is a different story. I would like to find my other half at the same workplace. I believed working together, we will understand each other job constraint (maybe is due to my job field always got last minute happening), share the workload, help out and cover for each other, when knock off together, we will have more to time to plan for more activities after that. Working together also means we will spend more time together. I believed no matter where the place is, as long as both love each other, they will still enjoy each other company even when it is in the office. If I find a gal that I like, she will have all my attention. I don't understand why a guy will "flirt" around if he had already found the someone that suit him.. I definitely not that kind..

Actually we have a lot in common.. We like to watch TVB, magic show, fireworks, taiwan variety... For work, we also like to go for perfection but I later give up when I realised all my shift engineer can't make it.. We also like to "gossip" and look at entertainment news... I had also decided to change the layout of my posting to 音乐日记 style. This is also one of the common items that we both like...
"听着你 聊到从前和未来 你心里所有的梦跟我很像
OH YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE所以我也希望 我们心中频率都一样
梦加点感觉 思念裝上翅膀 愛是无限可能的飞翔
OH YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE我想让你分享 我们心动时分的梦想
这是一个开始 还是一种幻想 未来正在等待不是吗(未来我想和你分享)
OS：一直想跟你说 那天一起吃晚飯 想问你 开心嗎 这些日子
看着你 追着自己的梦想 快乐 专心的每个样子 我想
我们的梦有一样的頻率 不是吗"
恋爱频率