14th July

What should I say? Today is the last day of reservist and also the clocking of 4th high key in camp training.. But more happy is I can see her again daily from tomorrow onwards.. to add up my happiness, tomorrow we are going out for dinner even though there is someone else joining... Waiting to go out with her make me become a small kid waiting for excursion.. Where has the usual me that can command a power shutdown goes to?? I think only she has the ability to make my usual self disappear...

To conclude, this reservist is the most relax as compared to all my previous but as usual, the waiting for next thing to happen is what I hate.. Luckily, her sms had support me through the period.. I think the longest waiting that I had without getting frustrated is to wait for her during weekends...
"忘了怎么开始
也许就对你一种感觉
忽然间发现自己
已深深爱上你 真很简单

爱地暗天黑都已无所谓
非非无法抉择
没有后悔 为爱日夜去跟随
那个疯狂人我 喔～

I LOVE YOU 无法不爱着你 BABY 说你也爱我
I LOVE YOU 永远不愿意 BABY 失去你

不可能更快乐 只要能一起 做什么都可以
虽然世界变个不停 用最真诚心 让爱变简单"
爱很简单

I agree a relationship consists of many factors. Is true that unhappy might not end up in giving up but maybe if we do it in a more "logical" way, list out all the affecting factors and analysis which factors fail to make the mark, it might help one more easy to make the decision. If the relationship is giving the person more trouble than happiness, why don't just face the short term pain rather than the long term "torturing".. It might benefit both parties in the long run..

My preception: whatever matters that concern love, it is better not to deceive oneself, because eventually you might not be the only one that get hurt or regret, surrounding people might also be hurt in the process.. Be fair to oneself and follow your heart.. it might lead you the wrong way but at least you had tried before and will not regret as much...

13th July

Today is the earliest day to fall out from the camp due to we had finished our proficiency test sooner than expected. So fast tomorrow is the last day of reservist..

I promised to wait for her but sometime I simply just can't hold on my feelings.. Whenever my phone received new message, I hope it is from her but always it is those nuisance user complaints tickets from my office.. Recently become so emotional, maybe is due to I had not seen her for so many days and the only way of contact is through msn or sms.. Somehow without seeing her make me feel rather uneasy.. Once again, I admire her boyfriend can only meet her once a week and go overseas for half a year.. I just didn't see her for 3-4 days, I already find it hard to endure even there is sms and msn going on... The feeling is I never experienced before, does that mean I didn't treat my previous relationship as serious as this? I know because of my "status", many things got a limitation such as I wanted to know how she have been? Busy for the day? Anything she need help or share with me? None of this I can do as I afraid she might just ignore me forever...

This time round, I admit defeat.. I don't know how but she managed to break me down emotionally... She had told me don't think too much but no matter how hard I tried, my thinking would eventually goes to her... I don't wish to give her up as I know I might not find another one that is same like her... If fate arranged for the site rotation which permits us to know each other, when can we be together?

A couple in love should be happy but why she always don't seem so.. and this made me feel sad also... Is she just holding on? Does she feel anything for me? Touched for all the things I done for her? Her boyfriend more suitable for her? Her boyfriend can bring more happiness to her? Does I got any place in her heart? Did she ever got think of me? Does she know my "suffering" everyday? I got too many questions to ask her but I know this will just pressurize her more... so all these questions will remain in my heart... I just hope one day, she can pick up her courage, be fair to herself and follow her heart... I remember she said before, during a breakup, the gal will suffered tremendous stress and sadness.. I wanted to let her know, no matter what happen, I will be there for her...
"没别的 只想说对不起 对不起 我真的爱你
不管你会怎么想 你怎么说 也不会改变我的决定
你知道 有时候感情事很难说 很难说 爱人或朋友
从前到现在我真的感觉要 一想你 我的心就发烧

想给你听我的心跳 想你知道我睡的不好
喝水想着你 搭车想着你 合眼闭眼间 出现的全是你
我猜不到你的表情 我等不到你的回应
不想难为你 又不想放弃你
决定告诉你 对不起对不起 我爱你"
对不起我爱你

I notice one thing, whenever I sms her, there will sure be some delay in her reply which I don't mind... As long as she got replied, I am already contented.. But what make me curious is why she need to delay in replying? I "choose" to act blur for thinking of an answer... as I don't want to face any "bad" news anymore...

For her info, every song in all the post represent my thinking to her...

Will She Believe?

Will she believe that she is always on my mind? I think her habit of checking her phone of sms had influenced me, now I also constantly checking my phone for her sms even though I know she will only reply sms and not initial... I don't blame her as my status is still a friend to her... Whenever I am happy or sad, I wish she is the first person that I can shared with... I am always thinking of how to give her surprise, make her laugh, so she can be happier and forget the unhappy stuff at least for that moment... I feel worried for her when I know she is out for the night and never replied back my sms... and now after the recent taekwondo accident, I was scared that she will be injured during training, so I constantly reminded her to be more careful.. I feel like telling her I miss her... but I know doing that will only make her more miserable, forcing her to make a decision.. so I would rather "suffer" than let her know....

From don't know when, our sms had "expand" from work related only to also non work related.. I wish to tell her to follow her heart and "don't think too much" but I scared that it will become a misinterpretation of breaking her current relationship... What should I do??
"我的心想唱首歌给你听 歌词是如此的甜蜜
可是我害羞 我没有勇气 等你说一句我爱你
为什么你还是不言不语 难道你不懂我的心
不管你用什么方式表明 我会对你说我愿意
千言万语裏 只有一句话能表白我的心
千言万语裏 只要一句话就
能够让我们相偎相依
我爱你 你是我的茱丽叶
我愿意变成你的梁山伯
幸福的每一天 浪漫的每一夜
把爱不放开"
梁山伯与茱丽叶

I had also include one of her favorite song "容祖儿-心淡" as the background music... The chorus part music is nice but the meaning doesn't represent how I feel... cos my feeling for her is not 淡.. :)

游龙戏凤

幸福是一个水晶球, 从天空掉了下来, 掉到地上摔的粉碎, 碎片到处都是, 无论你怎么努力, 都捡不完, 我相信只要我们努力了, 玻璃球的碎片怎么都会捡到一点, 那就是幸福

Just finished the 2nd part of 游龙戏凤, the above phase is the declaration from Andy Lau to Shu Qi.. If one really try and work hard, will he really get the happiness he want?

I think the most touching part will be the last part "幸福是要争取的". Is love really can let people overcome all barrier? Like the views from other people when the driver and the single mother is together... Will a gal be touched after the guy had changed and done so much for her? Like how Andy Lau had given up the investment plans and learn how to sms in chinese... The giving or saying of her may not be significant to her but to him, it mean a lot.. just like the champagne glass in the movie...

I like the part when Andy Lau ask his driver 3 question: 喜不喜欢? 喜不喜欢? 喜不喜欢? If everything can based on 喜不喜欢, then there will not be so much problem... I hope she can follow her heart also...

Waiting for her to online to send her the coreplayer, so she can watched video on her handphone.. Hope this time round, the player can work or my yesterday night effort will go down the drain...

12th July

Here comes the Sunday again... Wake up at 6+ due to an unusual feeling, feel worried as I never saw her replying my sms since last evening and never saw her online.. Wonder if I should sms her to find out how she is but eventually I does that.. I know that action seem to beyond the "limitation" of a friend should do and instead of showing concern, it will become like a pressure to her.. Hope she don't seem it that way... Anyway, I glad that she replied she is all right..
"若不是因为爱着你 怎会有不安的情绪
每个莫名的日子里 我想你 想你 好想你
爱是折磨人的东西 却又舍不得这样放弃
不停揣测你的心里 可有我姓名
爱是我唯一的秘密 让人心碎却又着迷
无论是用什么言语 只会 只会思念你"
爱情

After all the recent "happenings", I had decided to stay after my site power shutdown. It will mean I can still be with her for some more time but it will also mean a lot a lot of work and preparation need to be done.. not to mention is the "play me out" session from my boss and that will also mean my next "advancing" appointment will be delayed.. I know questions will be asked if this is worthwhile? For her, I think the answer is yes.. As what she usually say, don't think too much.... hahhahaaa :p

Tomorrow is another boring day again.. proficiency test.. but think positively, is the 2nd last day of reservist... once tomorrow is gone, nothing much left as last day is for feedback and debrief... then I can have lunch with her again... hahaaa..

If only she can practise her decisiveness on her work to her relationship matters, then situation might be different... 天底下没有不散的宴席, hope she will understand.. as what I had come across somewhere before, don't hold on because of duration, but hold on because of interest (feel)...

11th July

I think this is the first time we watch a movie together... on my laptop inside the office... A pity is that we only manage to watch the first part as she need to rush off for her "weekly" appointment.. At first, I thought there is a major scheduled maintenance work, so she need to come back to supervise. Later I found out that the work had been rescheduled and left only a minor A&A work. I wonder why she still come back? I hope the reason is because I am going back but I think the possibility is not high...

I think she is watching transformer 2 tonight as I "accidentally" saw her screen on the booking tickets page. I can sensed that she is feeling unhappy again. Firstly, when I ask her what time she leaving, she answered don't know with a depressed tone. Secondly, she keep going into the cinema seating booking plan but wait till timed out. My guess will be she is unsure whether that "someone" want to watch with her... I don't know if I should hope my guess is correct or not. If correct, she will be unhappy and I will unhappy also. If incorrect, I will be demoralised... But anyway, I managed to let her have a few laughs from the movie we watched. Hope this will let her mood be better.

Even though is just a mere 2.5 hours together, I already contented. Maybe my subconscious told me I can be with her is not an entitlement but a privilege. I think my thinking has "matured"... Worse, I help her to look out for any watch sale as this is most probably a gift from her to the "someone".... What am I doing??
"The smile on your face
Let's me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say nothing at all"
When You Say Nothing At All

11th July

It has been very very very long that I woke up at 8+am on a saturday morning... The feeling is so shiok and some more, get to see her again in the afternoon after such a "long" time... hahaa.. How can such a simple thing make me so happy? If it is in the past, I would rather stayed at home than making a trip to office.. But now, I don't mind doing anything just for the sake of her.. Is it the knowing of her have changed me?
"有个女孩让我好想念
我的心已经飞到这个城市的另一边
想看着你 我爱的脸
把心里的感情都对你说
那马路上天天都在塞
而每个人天天在忍耐
没有你日子很黑白
原来这样就是恋爱
我想要你在我身边
分享生命中的一切
我想要 天天说 天天说
天天对你说 我有多爱你"
天天

10th July

The long boring week has ended finally... no more lecture, waiting and briefing... Today ended quite late due to after action review but lucky is tomorrow no need to go back. By the time, I leave camp is already 6.25pm... Strange, when I am in office, I don't find that time is late, I even think that it is still early.. maybe the reason lies with she is around....

Even though is just 6 days, I got a feeling like very long never saw her.. Can't wait for tomorrow to come even it will just a few hours of together... Wonder does her boyfriend have this feeling also? If he does, he will not only meet her once per week... oops.. I talk bad about him again.. haha.. If I am not wearing that stupid green uniform, I will sure meet her for dinner and go walk walk near her place as my camp is around that area also.. But too bad... those have chance don't cherish, those cherish but no chance.....

I am getting easier satisfied nowadays.. Just msn or receive sms from her will make my day happy.. Even happier when she asking me how I am... Maybe I have realised love doesn't mean possession.. as long as she is happy, I will also happy... But it will be better if I can have the privilege of possession... hahahaaaa
"虽然不曾说 相信你正在懂 就算牵的不是我的手 我不真的难过
不知道在高兴什么 你的笑容 有时候也宁可当作你在为我加油
不知道在妄想什么 只告诉自己 I Believe
你终会看到我 在某个时候 想让你陪伴的是我"
I Believe

9th July

Yeah!! Half of the whole reservist had passed.. I think this is what all NSman is looking forward to. Today is a boring day full of lecture, luckily sms with her managed to keep me awake... Saturday most probably will drop by office as I do not need to go back to camp as I had my IPPT cleared.

Last night finally I get to know what she think. Even though the answer is not what I had hope for, but I have confidence that one day my action will moved her heart. I will continue to work towards this target as good things is usually hard to get. Ganbatte!!!! 精诚所至,金石为开
"我的世界　变得奇妙更难以言喻
还以为　是从天而降的梦境
直到确定　手的温度来自你心里
这一刻　我终于勇敢说爱你
一开始　我只顾着看你
装做不经意　心却飘过去
还窃喜　你　没发现我　躲在角落
忙着快乐　忙着感动
从彼此陌生到熟　会是我们从没想过
真爱　到现在　不敢期待
要证明自己　曾被你想起　Really
我胡思乱想就从今天起　I wish
像一个陷阱　却从未犹豫　相信
你真的愿意　就请给我惊喜"
说爱你

Relationship is like a plant. It need two party to water and add fertilizer for it to grow. If both party don't understand each other, they might over water or didn't water the plant due to no communication or don't know each other thinking. Sooner or later, the plant will die off... For it to grow healthily, both will need to shower it with care and concern. If anyone party had lost the feel or interest to take care of the plant, it might not be a bad idea to give it up as holding on to it will only be wasting time and making both party to be unhappy in the future... But on the other hand, if the plant is growing well, it should be able to survive through all kinds of weather.

I hope "someone" will agree with me on the above same view...

A love story that is familiar
洪俊扬　杜蕙甹　明年1月结婚
洪俊扬靠狗求婚　杜蕙甹感动落泪
Project SuperStar are getting married!

8th July

无惊无险又过一天... Long time never sleep and wake up so early... Sleep at 11, wake up at 530.. tired... Finally experienced back the squeezing inside a train, the last time that I squeeze is during my first job at boon lay... Today is the first time that I can knock off earlier than my normal job.. Hope the next few days is the same.....

I should be happy for having such a not so demanding high key reservist but why am I not feeling this way? Maybe her answer is the thing that is wandering in my mind.. My confidence is like roller coaster, sometime is high and sometime is low... Waiting for her to reply my sms keep me occupied for the day... I wonder does she feel any difference for these few days when I not in the office? Not regarding work matters but personal I mean... Sometime I feel like asking her directly for her decision as I simply can't endure the waiting process anymore but I afraid of the negative outcome.....

Yesterday I also email her the date of her favorite dance performance "The next wave". Even though she only casually mentioned once, I still can remember it clearly. As she is unsure of the performance date for this year, I always keep a look out for her. Will she be touched or surprise to know this?
"我记的有一个人
永远留在我心中
那怕只能够这样的想你
如果真的有一天
爱情理想会实现
我会加倍努力好好对你
永远不改变……
不管路有多么远
一定会让它实现
我会轻轻在你耳边
对你说……对你说
我爱你……
爱着你……"
老鼠爱大米

Come across this quote somewhere and I wish to let her know
"For the world you are someone but for someone you are the world"

7th July

2nd day ended.. I surprise I still can complete the route march after 5 years never walk for such a long distance with full battle order. And some more I manage to keep up the pace. Long time never sweat so much, feeling is good but something still bothering in my heart...

Somehow I feel uneasy when I didn't see her or sms her.. Maybe I too used to it... Thinking I will not sms her today but eventually, I let my heart override my head and sms her... I really admired her boyfriend, can choose to meet her only once per week... wonder how he can do it.....
"如果你突然打了个喷嚏
那一定就是我在想你
如果半夜被手机吵醒
啊那是因为我关心
常常想你说的话是不是别有用心
明明很想相信却又忍不住怀疑
在你的心里我是否就是唯一
爱就是有我常烦着你"
爱你

Read on a newspaper that there is a taekwondo accident where a red belt accidentally kick on a green belt during friendly sparring and he become unconscious and now in critical condition... Hope she will be more careful during training and don't injure herself..

6th July

1st day of reservist.. full of waiting and listening to boring briefing... time seem to pass slowly... maybe I too used to stay in office for some reason... all along I hate reservist, especially during this period of time... haiz... Tomorrow will be a "tough" day as I am going for route march with full battle order... But thinking after that march, it will be a day nearer to see her again, so I think enduring through it will not be a big problem..

My office has a "legendary curse". Whenever "new" or covering duty personnel comes, there sure got some unlucky incident happened. Today both me and my site manager is not in office, so I hope it will be a peaceful day, if not she will be very busy. I think my wish had come true and today went past without major hiccups. I was gratified.

Human is contradicting, at one moment, I wish that day will come sooner, at another moment, I hope that day don't come as I afraid the outcome is not what I had expected. But no point running from reality, what will come, will come..
"I'm not really sure of the words to say
If only you knew that I feel this way
I wanna give my heart to you
Show me the way that you want me to

I know for sure there's a place for us
I'm counting the days 'till I feel your touch
You come to me when I dream at night
When I'm with you, it will be so right

If you can see the love in my eyes
You should know that I'm on your side
I'll be yours, you'll be mine"
What Will I Do

5th July

I had let her know this blog yesterday. I was surprised she had replied me today, telling me that we will talk after my reservist.. Now my mood is like a student eager to know his result... From her reply, I had a feeling that the outcome is not as what I had expected.. :( Anyway, as what I had said, I will respect her decision. I believed in fate, those not meant to be mine, it will not be mine.. I hope that this action of mine will not affect our normal daily interaction as in the past... All I can do now is just to keep my finger cross... 10 more days to go.... Gloomy weather today.. same as how I feel....
"我 一直都想对你说
你给我想不到的快乐 像绿洲给了沙漠
说 你会永远陪着我
做我的根 我翅膀 让我飞 也有回去的窝
我愿意 我也可以 付出一切 也不会可惜
就在一起 看时间流逝 要记得我们相爱的方式
就是爱你爱着你 有悲有喜 有你 平淡也有了意义
就是爱你爱着你 甜蜜又安心 那种感觉就是你"
就是愛你

Declaration

After getting to know you "officially" for 46 days, today I finally summon my courage and let you know what I am going to tell you. I believed you already sensed that all this while, I am not treating you as a simple normal friend. I not sure what your decision or reaction will be. Will you ever consider me? Will you feel any difference when I not inside the office?
"我还在寻找 一个依靠和一个拥抱
谁替我祈祷 替我烦恼 为我生气为我闹

幸福开始有预兆 缘分让我们慢慢紧靠
然后孤单被吞沒了 无聊变得有话聊 有变化了

小酒窝长睫毛 是你最美的记号
我每天睡不着 想念你的微笑
你不知道 你对我多么的重要
有了你 生命完整的剛好

小酒窝长睫毛 迷人得无可救药
我放慢了步调 感觉像是喝醉了
终于找到 心有灵犀的美好
一辈子暖暖的好 我永远愛你到老"
小酒窝

I can't promise you anything different from your current boyfriend but I will try my best to give you all that I have. I hope one day I can replaced him in your heart. Remember I ask you at esplanade library before, career and love, which is more important? Same as you, my answer will be love. I will choose to stay with you and forgo any career advancement chance or long term overseas trip. I believe if I missed this moment to be with you, I will not get back no matter how good my career is. With you beside me, I believed I can brave through any obstacle or endure anything from the cunning sly boss. I keep asking myself, why a simple gal like you can make me fall for you? I think it is your character and personality and the same interest that you had as me. I hope you still remember there is a suspected case in the office on a thurs night, first thing that come into my mind is shall it be confirmed case and the severity like SARS, I would volunteer to go back in your place even though you might just treat me as a normal friend at that time.
"爱上了一个人 能够为她牺牲
就算付出了生命 我甘心为了你
两个人在一起 分享爱的命运
永远都不会忘记 我们生活点滴

你是我最深爱的女人 你有最美丽的嘴唇
你拥有最动人的眼神 你带给我幸福和快乐"
你是我最深爱的人

Maybe we only know each other for a short duration, but I believed this is not a moment of impulse. When I first met you a few times at atrium or samsung hub, seriously I don't have a deep impression of you. This is the same even when you just come to ORQ. I thought I will treat you the same as previous DSM, not so much of helping each other. I will still go ahead with my engineering team for kopi or lunch. But as times goes by, I get to know you better and slowly got an urge to help you out, accompany you whenever you go. To let the team have a better view of you, I tried to be the mediator between you and them and even helped them to do things that I had not done for a long time to show them actually your "expectation" is not impossible. When you are not at site, I got an uneasy feeling. Slowly I realised that I had develop feelings for you and I start to ask you out with some stupid excuse. When you agree to go out with me for the first time, I thought I got chance to go after you. But later you told you got boyfriend and is already together for 2 years, I feel quite upset. I consider for a long time whether I should continue and I decided to leave it to fate and follow my heart. Whenever you mention about the word "boyfriend" or start sms, I will feel a pain in my heart or rather my confidence dropped. The more time we spent together, I realised I didn't make the wrong decision, you are the gal I been looking for. We shared a lot of common interest, topics and chat with almost everything under the sun. I know it will be awkward if I let you know this blog and the next day we meet. That why I choose to let you know now and for this 1 week plus, you can consider before you can give me an answer. Don't know why, I always got the feeling that you and your boyfriend is not exactly that happy together, your interest is different from him and you feeling insecure due to he didn't spend enough time with you. Either you or him is just enduring with the other party... I hope you understand that I don't have any motive for what I had done. Time will show you that my action is not only the initial period but every now and then. I hope I got the chance to tell you directly how I feel, the chance of showering you with love and care, sharing with you all the happiness and sorrow, spending all the important moments with you... maybe this chance is never meant to come.....
"Tell Me That You Love Me, Tell Me That You Care
Tell Me That You Need Me And I'll Be There
I'll Be There Waitin'...
I Will Always Love You, I Will Always Stay True
No One Else Will Love You Like I Do
Come To Me Now
I Will Never Leave You, I Will Stay Here With You
Through The Good And Bad I Will Stand True
I'm In Love With You..."
In Love With You

My dream will be working in the same office with you, sharing your workload, be it personal or work, knock off together, eating all the food you like and go out walk walk, witnessing all the beautiful fireworks, sitting by the sea or river enjoying the night scene, taking stroll hand in hand, watching and discuss all those TVB drama, taiwan variety show, gossiping, staying by your side, reminding you all those issue that you always forget. By now, you should had known that our current job doesn't have a fixed working hour, so I will try to cherish the time we had together. I always remember the time we spent together and the special memorable night with you at singapore river. Thanks for the night, it has been long time since I feel so relaxed and happy with a gal..
"我能想到最浪漫的事 就是和你一起慢慢变老
一路上收藏点点滴滴的欢笑 留到以后坐着摇椅慢慢聊
我能想到最浪漫的事 就是和你一起慢慢变老
直到我们老得哪儿也去不了 你还依然把我当成手心里的宝"

By telling you all these, I don't expect you to break with your boyfriend. But love is selfish, of course, I hope you will give me a chance to go after you. I know fate comes at the wrong time but I just hope you can be fair to yourself and make a decision.. If you scare that by giving me a chance will affect our working relationship with rest of the team or vendor, I can assure you that I will draw a line between work and personal. I will still treat you the same as what it has been during normal office hours. Don't worry, I respect your final decision, should your decision is to reject me, I hope you can still treat me as a normal friend or colleague. No matter your decision is give me a chance, reject or need time to consider, I hope you got an answer for me. No matter what, I will still treat you the same and support you from behind till my last day at site. I will leave is not due to you had reject me but I afraid the longer I spent time with you, the deeper I will sunk into.
"明夜我将离开，熟悉的地方和你，要分离，我眼泪掉下去。我会牢牢记住你的脸，我会珍惜你给的思念，这些日子在我心中永远不会被抹去"
再见

Should I am lucky to be given the chance, I hope the wednesday when I come back from reservist, you will agree to have dinner with me...

Changes......

Actually do she know that since the day she arrived at my site, I had changed a lot... Last time, I am always missing from my desk, hiding at some corner playing my laptop, seldom helping out with the rest of the team, often go for kopi break with my boss, weekend go off early when nothing to do, will not deliberately come back to do something when I can just ask the shift engineer to do (such as reset fire system), on the dot 6 knock off, lunch with boss, etc... But when she just came, my daily routine workstyle is still the same... From don't know when, I start to change, everyday sit at my desk, turning my head to glimpse at her, intranet chatting with her, stop bringing laptop, help out the team to lighten their workload and their impression towards her, have lunch with her instead of boss, reject most kopi break with boss, waiting for her to knock off together which is usually half an hour past 6, deliberately go back on sunday to meet her, saturday stay back with her, thinking of ways to make her laugh, "enlighten" her of something that she do not know, etc... Maybe this is so call the power of love....
"这是一个沒有答案的问题
我感觉我变了 谁让我变了
因为这是一个没有答案的問题
却被你解开了 简单的解开了
你走过來 帶着和別人不同的对白
你甚至不让我知道 你对我有多好

慢慢的 这份愛 悄悄的住下來
深深的 在心里 沒人看的出來
安靜的 但却一直都在是你默默的愛

慢慢的 这份愛 已经变成依赖
浅浅的 笑容里 却让我充满期待
不用说 我就能夠明白OH你默默的爱"
默默

Most of my friends told me that they will not find their other half in the same office.. They say it will be difficult to work together next time and also hard to "flirt" with other gals. But to me, this is a different story. I would like to find my other half at the same workplace. I believed working together, we will understand each other job constraint (maybe is due to my job field always got last minute happening), share the workload, help out and cover for each other, when knock off together, we will have more to time to plan for more activities after that. Working together also means we will spend more time together. I believed no matter where the place is, as long as both love each other, they will still enjoy each other company even when it is in the office. If I find a gal that I like, she will have all my attention. I don't understand why a guy will "flirt" around if he had already found the someone that suit him.. I definitely not that kind..

Actually we have a lot in common.. We like to watch TVB, magic show, fireworks, taiwan variety... For work, we also like to go for perfection but I later give up when I realised all my shift engineer can't make it.. We also like to "gossip" and look at entertainment news... I had also decided to change the layout of my posting to 音乐日记 style. This is also one of the common items that we both like...
"听着你 聊到从前和未来 你心里所有的梦跟我很像
OH YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE所以我也希望 我们心中频率都一样
梦加点感觉 思念裝上翅膀 愛是无限可能的飞翔
OH YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE我想让你分享 我们心动时分的梦想
这是一个开始 还是一种幻想 未来正在等待不是吗(未来我想和你分享)
OS：一直想跟你说 那天一起吃晚飯 想问你 开心嗎 这些日子
看着你 追着自己的梦想 快乐 专心的每个样子 我想
我们的梦有一样的頻率 不是吗"
恋爱频率

4th July

I finally understand why love is blind cos today I clock another silly action, waiting for her to come and go off together. Actually I can go off at 12 but I know she coming in the afternoon, then I hang around till she come and help her with asset inventory. In the process, I feel like fall in love. I help her count asset and she record. To be exact, not only during that moment, is since then till just now, when we sms each other.. Our sms is just like couple bickering... How come I feeling like falling in love? Does she feel the same also?
"Wise man say
only fools rush in.
But I can't help
falling in love with you.

Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin?
If I can't help
falling in love with you."
Can't Help Falling in Love

I often teased her as muddlehead as she is quite forgetful at times and I wish I got the chance to stay by her side and constantly reminding her. Tired is what she always "complained". Actually I don't mind providing support to her, lessen her workload and watch drama with her, so at the same time, she can watch her favorite drama and relax and not tiring herself by going out to have the enjoyment of been loved..
"For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all"
Because You Loved Me

I think I slowly supervising more and more cleaning job as what my security concierge had asked me why. Just like today, I go and check the meeting room chairs, diffuser, white board, etc and ask the cleaner to go and clean them. By doing this, I not stepping over her work scope but trying to let the cleaning team know that what she everyday doing is not trying to find fault with them but to improve their standard... Another way, I can be the "bad" man for her.... haha.. But I think because they know me long enough and my way of working, they will not find my "instruction" as demanding and will do "willingly"...

She asked me a few times if I am going back to office tomorrow. By the time she read this, she should have guess the answer.. The answer is since she not going back, I most probably will not be going back either..."

I think today I had the longest sms conversation with her... Another record!!! hahaha...

3rd July

On a facebook likeness quiz, I score 85% when choosing the 10 things that range from most important to least and match with her chosen choices... What does that shown? Our vision perspective is similar? I remember reading a newspaper, the most important factor in a relationship is vision perspective (信念). Having the same vision will have lesser conflict in the future.

After all these days, I finally decided to use the initiative and courage that I had in my working life and let her know this blog. I just want to know if I stand a chance... I really can't believe that she can't sense that I got feelings for her.... even my colleague start to suspect already.. I believed after she get to know this, our working relationship and friendship will be affected, is just a matter of how large the degree is...
"我们以后
会变怎样
我迫不及待想知道答案
再靠近一点点
就让你牵手
再勇敢一点点
我就跟你走
你还等什么
时间已经不多
再下去
只好只做朋友
恋人未满

3rd July

It friday... 3 more days... Early in the morning, received a sms. I thought she sms me to say she taking mc as the previous day she is not feeling well. It will be a boring day without her in office. Luckily, the sms is not from her...

Today site manager asked to packet bee hoon for the whole team but I remember she said before that she want to try glutinous rice. If I just buy her glutinous rice specially, she sure will reject. So I come out with a "reason" that I want to eat and ask her if she want also and she say ok.

I start to act blur whenever she receive sms. Deceiving myself that the sms is not from that someone. I hope my heart can do that but my brain can't help thinking of it. What should I do?

Tonight is the final episode of the 10pm chan u drama. Will me and her have the same happy ending as the actor and actress in the drama?
"I have a life time full of hopes and dreams
I thought I seek true love but it's never what it seems
I've been broken but I know how to survive
Somehow I always keep my dreams alive

But I wasn't prepare for the feeling that I would find
The first time that I held you
For the fuzz that came to mind
The love that I've been waiting for all those years
Was holding on to me and easing all my fears

Every part that I ever prayed
Has been answered in a heart beat
My spirit wants to sing every time we meet
Now my only fear is that it's too good to be true
Every dream that I ever dreamed
Is coming true in you

Some sort of connection
What a wonderful surprise
Change my life direction with the look in your eyes
You've always a part of me
I just didn't know
Now I've finally found you and I will never let you go

Every part that I ever prayed
Has been answered in a heart beat
My spirit wants to sing every time we meet
Now my only fear is that it's too good to be true
Every dream that I ever dreamed
Is coming true in you
It's all coming true in you..."
Coming True In You

Sunday plan failed as she is not required to come back and had arranged to get her hair for a makeover. Consolation is tonight I got a chance to dine with her. We chat about our job experience and so coincidence, we both like event organising. I had done this during my 3 years of poly days. I have to admit the feeling of organising an event successfully is undescrible but as I am already in FM line, I had no choice but to carry on FM. But I will consider if she were to switch field as striving side by side with the gal I loved is one of my dream.

During dinner, I also hint her that to some guy, career isn't the most important. As she is "muddlehead" at times, does she know that the guy I referring to is me?

I think I had sunk deeper... In the past, I wish when working,the time passed quickly, so I can go home... But now, I wished time pass slowly especially when I am with her.. Just like tonight, even though we are just supervising vendors renovating an office, I am already contented just by chatting with her and wish time pass slowly....

2nd July

When she saw the breakfast that I had packet for her, she was a bit surprise as she had not eaten it for a long time. This is also the reason why I bought puttu mayam. Does she know that everything she said, I will remember it? I don't mind packet anything for her even though it require me to queue or walk some distance to buy. As long as I can see her enjoyed the food, I will be happy.

I noticed her that she don't seem to be herself today and she told me she feel a bit sick. The care and concern I showed seem to be over of what a normal colleague should have shown. Does she feel that also?

Indirectly I asked her if she is an easily touched person and she said yes. Will she feel touched when she saw this blog?
"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."
Love Me

From tomorrow onwards, there will be some ongoing works through the weekend. I took the chance and asked her what her plans for the weekend. She told me she got a graduation dinner on sat and she need to leave by 5.30pm and sun, she will be free. Don't want to let the chances slip again, I quickly make appointment to dine with her tomorrow and for sunday, I still haven't got any plans yet. If she agreed, I will "fulfill" her wishes again by accompanying her to the places she liked to go to.

Come to think of it, this week she and her boyfriend doesn't have a chance to meet. Does that mean their relationship is on the rock? I ask her if she had watch the movie "transformer" already, her answer is no. I just want to tell her that she deserved to be treated better. Her boyfriend don't seem to understand her well or cherish her. All those places, food, movies that she liked, he failed to do anything. I wonder how they managed to maintain the relationship for 2 years with everyday just a few sms or phone calls. I also noticed she don't like to mention her boyfriend during normal conversation or put their photo on handphone, facebook, etc. Why is it like this? I curious to find out...

At least from our normal conversation, I know what she liked and tried to fulfill her "wishes" and give her surprises just like this morning. Although it is just a breakfast, but I think is the thought that matters. With her, I always tried to crack some joke, so she will laughed which in turn I will feel happy also. No matter what, a gal still need to be pamper... I promise I will try to let you be a blissful little gal.... You are the only person that can let me drop my guard since the first day I stepped into the working environment..
"Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame?

I believe it's meant to be, darling
I watch when you are sleeping, you belong to me
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?"
Eternal Flame

1st July

Morning she sms me that she not joining me for lunch. This will be the fourth time she not lunching with me. Seeing that she seem tired, I asked her why and she say top up first aid box is tiring. I offered my help and she agreed. For sure, 2 person will be more "lively" and faster. We managed to finish a few boxes before lunch. Maybe me and her is fated, her friend told her that she can't make it and in the end, she still had lunch with me.. We went for a walk to buy fruit juice and chat along the way. I found out she had more and more similarities as me. We both like to watch sport such as table tennis, olympics games... Almost on all topics we can start a conversation... Is this call affinity?

After a "tiring" day, she received a last min work again. She was tasked to supervise cleaning on a big boss office. Till 6.30pm, she still waiting for the cleaners to come, then she message me why I haven't go back. How she want me to answer? Tell her "Cos I waiting for you to go back together"? I use back her same "tactics" and divert the topic without answering her question.. haha... Since don't know when, waiting for her to knock off together has become my daily routine. I just hope she don't misunderstand all this while, knocking off together is on pure luck, helping her is because of "one team". The truth is because it is her, that why I help or wait for her... I not that noble after all.....

I told her tomorrow I going to packet her breakfast without telling what I buying for her. Going to give her a surprise as I remember she say she like to eat puttu mayam but very few places got sell. What her reaction will be? Will she feel happy and surprise? Can't wait to see her reaction.....
"想念着 每天每秒我们故事 每天每秒说好的事
两个人一起散步 是最浪漫的事
你是我的天使 给我力量能够坚持
那些关心问候 翅膀一样的双手
是我最幸福的所有
心里面有你建的角落
脆弱时我能够躲一躲"
永远在身边