Today had a long lunch with site manager... 2.5 hrs... We discuss on the topic again and our views... I wonder what is it like after she left... It will be a different world.... Although our way of working is similar but I just can't be as "kind hearted" as her.. can tolerate and find "reasons" for the failure after it has failed a few times... I believe there will be sacrifice in order to achieve something... is just a matter of how big the sacrifice is... If something can't be perform after I had done what I can, I will just be "cruel" to give up...
Different levels will have different opinions on the same thing... I told her a 3rd party view on certain thing and she seem to be surprise as she had thought opposite... But I guess she also agreed in the end....
I start to realise my "worth" in the team.. Even though I am away from the site, "they" request me to go back for lunch and at the same time help out in something... Is that what I should be proud of? Haha..
Can the "dream" office combination happen? I hope so...
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
3rd November
From been always together talking to the current speechless doing own stuff, I wonder will anyone notice the difference. There is nothing I can do beside resigning to it...
Although I had lost "something" but I can feel the things I gaining is more. Just like today, somehow I got the chance to meet the Hong Kong project team. I also start to "socialise" with other users. Maybe this is a step needed to reach my goal. But what make me happy is I know who is the person that site manager had brought up my name to. Best thing now will be that person just mention to the relevant party "I want him to be in the company". But if that person never mention also never mind, there will be a 2nd way for me to be made known to this company.
Looking at the appointment, I ask myself if I am "qualified" to hold it. Will I be too "immature" for that post? I think the answer is no. I might not be the best but definitely I am not the worst... To be so sure, I sure have my reasons.... Haha...
Although I had lost "something" but I can feel the things I gaining is more. Just like today, somehow I got the chance to meet the Hong Kong project team. I also start to "socialise" with other users. Maybe this is a step needed to reach my goal. But what make me happy is I know who is the person that site manager had brought up my name to. Best thing now will be that person just mention to the relevant party "I want him to be in the company". But if that person never mention also never mind, there will be a 2nd way for me to be made known to this company.
Looking at the appointment, I ask myself if I am "qualified" to hold it. Will I be too "immature" for that post? I think the answer is no. I might not be the best but definitely I am not the worst... To be so sure, I sure have my reasons.... Haha...
Monday, November 2, 2009
28th October - 2nd November
Sometime when a person ask for something, he must know does he have the ability to command it. If his head is not that big, then don't wear such a big hat.... Why force oneself to do something that the heart is not there... Others will also notice that it is not doing willingly... Don't just do for the sake of others... No matter how a person try to "perfect" a square into a circle, it still not a circle even though it is of curve edges... unless that person change the shape from it foundation...
I think my whereabout and things that related to my career will be going into a "mystery" stage from now on as I heard my name been mentioned by my site manager to another person.. I guess I just keep my finger cross for the time being... Not going to reveal any more info as I always like to take people by surprise... I believe I will get what I want soon...
A "wonderful" team is what others labeling to the current team I am in... Site manager "reminded" them don't expect the same from other sites... Hahahaa...
I believe in 因果. The effort I put in will reap back the harvest some day... My "用心" will not gone down to drain... Site manager had told me to endure for a while IF I can successfully crossed over and been posted to "other" site, she will try to "pull" me back... Maybe this is the fruit of my effort and an "assurance" from her...
I should not regret for things that happened but happy that it over.. Why should I regret when it is not me that on the losing side in the end? I should look forward and anticipate what is meant for me..
I thought I am biased but I realised I am not the only to have the same view.. Even the most unexpected person that I had thought would have that kind of opinion, also said it had noticed that... It really surprised me.... Not to say there is anything wrong but is just don't suit the way of the usual past...
Thinking back is really unpredictable... In the past, when site manager asked me to join her and others for lunch, I will reject.. But now is a 360 degree different... Eating together has become a routine... How long will this last?
Should I call it a coincidence? Due to something on, I had to leave earlier and site manager also leave around the same time... To others, it may seem that we had "arranged" to leave together.... But it will be boring if any one of us were to stay behind as usually is only both of us talking... Her 2 younger daughters also seem to be getting more familiar with me as I had saw and talk to them a few times...
Initially, site manager already had lunch appointment and I guessed I will be skipping lunch again... But somehow she asked me if I wanted to join her... Where to find such a manager that will think for those under her? I not sure if it is the same to others but to me, there is a certain degree of difference...
While watching channel 8 drama, I come across a phrase that I like. "If life is like a road, I will be the sports car that is driving at 100 km/h and pushing all the other cars behind." At the current stage, I think I am a car that haven't fully been utilised yet... Through exposure, experience and a good mechanic, I sure the car will performed better... I had met a good mechanic whom is willing to guide me and I am gaining more exposure through her.. I think it shouldn't be long that the car performance will increase... "In order to be successful, I need to command the respect of my subordinate." I think somehow I had done quite good in that area...
I think my whereabout and things that related to my career will be going into a "mystery" stage from now on as I heard my name been mentioned by my site manager to another person.. I guess I just keep my finger cross for the time being... Not going to reveal any more info as I always like to take people by surprise... I believe I will get what I want soon...
A "wonderful" team is what others labeling to the current team I am in... Site manager "reminded" them don't expect the same from other sites... Hahahaa...
I believe in 因果. The effort I put in will reap back the harvest some day... My "用心" will not gone down to drain... Site manager had told me to endure for a while IF I can successfully crossed over and been posted to "other" site, she will try to "pull" me back... Maybe this is the fruit of my effort and an "assurance" from her...
I should not regret for things that happened but happy that it over.. Why should I regret when it is not me that on the losing side in the end? I should look forward and anticipate what is meant for me..
I thought I am biased but I realised I am not the only to have the same view.. Even the most unexpected person that I had thought would have that kind of opinion, also said it had noticed that... It really surprised me.... Not to say there is anything wrong but is just don't suit the way of the usual past...
Thinking back is really unpredictable... In the past, when site manager asked me to join her and others for lunch, I will reject.. But now is a 360 degree different... Eating together has become a routine... How long will this last?
Should I call it a coincidence? Due to something on, I had to leave earlier and site manager also leave around the same time... To others, it may seem that we had "arranged" to leave together.... But it will be boring if any one of us were to stay behind as usually is only both of us talking... Her 2 younger daughters also seem to be getting more familiar with me as I had saw and talk to them a few times...
Initially, site manager already had lunch appointment and I guessed I will be skipping lunch again... But somehow she asked me if I wanted to join her... Where to find such a manager that will think for those under her? I not sure if it is the same to others but to me, there is a certain degree of difference...
While watching channel 8 drama, I come across a phrase that I like. "If life is like a road, I will be the sports car that is driving at 100 km/h and pushing all the other cars behind." At the current stage, I think I am a car that haven't fully been utilised yet... Through exposure, experience and a good mechanic, I sure the car will performed better... I had met a good mechanic whom is willing to guide me and I am gaining more exposure through her.. I think it shouldn't be long that the car performance will increase... "In order to be successful, I need to command the respect of my subordinate." I think somehow I had done quite good in that area...
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
27th October
Today is a happening day.. Whole afternoon setting up for an event.. Organising event seem fun, maybe I had done that a few years back.. But if it is my full time job, I don't know if I am up to it..
I guess I should be able to hear some news soon.... Site manager show me her email stating that the account manager will be in contact with them soon... Will things still be the same if I cross over? Which site will I be posted to? Recently, my career seem to have a steep improve.. Is that my true working ability or am I suppressing it for too long? I only know I want to climb higher...
我曾经以为 最爱你的时候
我的眼泪可以像细水长流
流到我终于明白 属于我的不用哀求
感情不是拿来忍受 美丽即将变丑陋
Let me go Don't say no
给我一个 继续难过的理由
Let me go Don't say no
给我一个放弃快乐的理由
Oh let me go 两个人都自由的结局
难道不是你梦寐以求 OH OH OH
难道是我主动要分手
太荒谬 你还不够
"属于我的不用哀求 感情不是拿来忍受 美丽即将变丑陋" So true.....
I guess I should be able to hear some news soon.... Site manager show me her email stating that the account manager will be in contact with them soon... Will things still be the same if I cross over? Which site will I be posted to? Recently, my career seem to have a steep improve.. Is that my true working ability or am I suppressing it for too long? I only know I want to climb higher...
我曾经以为 最爱你的时候
我的眼泪可以像细水长流
流到我终于明白 属于我的不用哀求
感情不是拿来忍受 美丽即将变丑陋
Let me go Don't say no
给我一个 继续难过的理由
Let me go Don't say no
给我一个放弃快乐的理由
Oh let me go 两个人都自由的结局
难道不是你梦寐以求 OH OH OH
难道是我主动要分手
太荒谬 你还不够
"属于我的不用哀求 感情不是拿来忍受 美丽即将变丑陋" So true.....
Monday, October 26, 2009
26th October
I thought it will be perfect if me and her can be together and at the same time my career goes a step further... But it didn't turns out as what I had thought... The only consolation is I can sense my career had gone further... I guess she still going on fine with him....
Suddenly I seem to "gain" a lot of trust from different parties.. They start to tell me more of their problems even though they are not my vendors.. Maybe this is what site manager had said "good relationship with vendor".. Next will be my soft skill with user... My working relationship with site manager seem to be go further as time went by... We can talk on any topic, work related or non related... I can feel there is quite a lot to learn from her... Tomorrow is another busy day... I guess I should be able to pick up one or two things...
Suddenly I seem to "gain" a lot of trust from different parties.. They start to tell me more of their problems even though they are not my vendors.. Maybe this is what site manager had said "good relationship with vendor".. Next will be my soft skill with user... My working relationship with site manager seem to be go further as time went by... We can talk on any topic, work related or non related... I can feel there is quite a lot to learn from her... Tomorrow is another busy day... I guess I should be able to pick up one or two things...
Sunday, October 25, 2009
25th October
Finally don't need to wake up so early today... These few days really tired... Every nights after updating this blog, my eyes will start to close...
Sometime I ask myself, if she were to choose me now, will I still be able to accept her? Even though I still got feelings for her... Maybe to me, once something had passed, you can't get back the same thing again... Just like a person can be very good to me but that doesn't mean I will forget it bad... Is that call realistic? Is it a good or bad thing?
Site manager yesterday ask me do I feel pity for missing the chance to be DSM due to the wrong info I received. She told me I should ask her how much the company is offering for that appointment instead of relying on the kid. I do feel a little pity but if I don't miss the chance, how will I know I am "qualified" for that post and the "popularity" I had in the team... I will take it as a blessing in disguise...
Sometime I ask myself, if she were to choose me now, will I still be able to accept her? Even though I still got feelings for her... Maybe to me, once something had passed, you can't get back the same thing again... Just like a person can be very good to me but that doesn't mean I will forget it bad... Is that call realistic? Is it a good or bad thing?
Site manager yesterday ask me do I feel pity for missing the chance to be DSM due to the wrong info I received. She told me I should ask her how much the company is offering for that appointment instead of relying on the kid. I do feel a little pity but if I don't miss the chance, how will I know I am "qualified" for that post and the "popularity" I had in the team... I will take it as a blessing in disguise...
Saturday, October 24, 2009
24th October
Lying on my bed listening to A-mei japanese song... I can imagine her emotion when listening to this song live... She will be very happy enjoying the song. But I will not be with her unlike the previous concert.
Now then I realise I had been "helping" her so much. It is pretty obvious after I start to "withdraw". Maybe I am too sensitive, she seem to be "isolating" from the team... It could be our attitude towards work and way of working is different in the first place. Given the current situation, I don't think my help is needed.
Today I then find out her boss don't know I had missed the chance to be DSM... Her boss told me I should had told her earlier, she will find ways to pull me in during that time.... Her boss feel pity that I had missed the first chance but she will try to help me in the second chance... But come to think of it, during that time, me and her boss is not so close, not even having meals together, so don't mention about talking "personal" stuff.
Maybe is all fated... Today work end unexpected late. And I overheard she seem to be meeting him. But I not going to be foolish to cover for her again. Some more her boss also ask me to go off with her. Her boss also suspect she got appointment but her boss don't want to ask me to stay. Maybe her boss also find that I had done beyond what is required. Somehow I feel that I can manage to persuade her boss to cross over... at least for short term... But currently, I don't have the intention.
I guess she must be thinking her previous site is better even though the exposure here is greater. Previous site, weekend going back to office is almost none, not to say staying for so late... Weekdays also don't need to stay so late... And last but not least, the management style over there suit her...
I can still remember when is the first time she had dressed like today since her arrival to this site. Does he also so attentive? Actually, all will be going on fine but too bad... Haiz...
Now then I realise I had been "helping" her so much. It is pretty obvious after I start to "withdraw". Maybe I am too sensitive, she seem to be "isolating" from the team... It could be our attitude towards work and way of working is different in the first place. Given the current situation, I don't think my help is needed.
Today I then find out her boss don't know I had missed the chance to be DSM... Her boss told me I should had told her earlier, she will find ways to pull me in during that time.... Her boss feel pity that I had missed the first chance but she will try to help me in the second chance... But come to think of it, during that time, me and her boss is not so close, not even having meals together, so don't mention about talking "personal" stuff.
Maybe is all fated... Today work end unexpected late. And I overheard she seem to be meeting him. But I not going to be foolish to cover for her again. Some more her boss also ask me to go off with her. Her boss also suspect she got appointment but her boss don't want to ask me to stay. Maybe her boss also find that I had done beyond what is required. Somehow I feel that I can manage to persuade her boss to cross over... at least for short term... But currently, I don't have the intention.
I guess she must be thinking her previous site is better even though the exposure here is greater. Previous site, weekend going back to office is almost none, not to say staying for so late... Weekdays also don't need to stay so late... And last but not least, the management style over there suit her...
I can still remember when is the first time she had dressed like today since her arrival to this site. Does he also so attentive? Actually, all will be going on fine but too bad... Haiz...
Thursday, October 22, 2009
22nd October
Seem like secrets between her boss and me is getting more... I think I am the only one beside her long time friends that she had told her "planning"... Now is just like as what her boss had said, 走一步，看一步... I can feel the tiredness increasing as time goes by.. Maybe is because I don't have anything to look forward to beside waiting for my 伯乐 to come... But I guess is soon since the switching over started to have news... Her boss had also told me she will try to help me cross over...
I better have the thinking of everything is over between me and her.... Don't want to hurt myself again.... I will be back to my normal self... An unpolished gem waiting to be discovered.... Even though how I wish to have that outcome, but I learn to let go.... It is her loss for not cherishing... She is not that good but I wonder why I like her... Maybe there will not be any answer.....
I better have the thinking of everything is over between me and her.... Don't want to hurt myself again.... I will be back to my normal self... An unpolished gem waiting to be discovered.... Even though how I wish to have that outcome, but I learn to let go.... It is her loss for not cherishing... She is not that good but I wonder why I like her... Maybe there will not be any answer.....
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
21st October
Is it really over between me and her? What a silly question I asking... Isn't the answer already out? It OVER... I shouldn't keep thinking that there is still chance. Let go is what I must do now...
Seem like knocking off together with her boss has become a habit. Her boss will ask if I were to knock off early but for others, she will just acknowledge.
What shall I do today? Nothing except waiting... Another guy had found his 伯乐... When will I find mine? Maybe once an oppounity is missed, it will not come knocking on the doors again... But 天无绝人之路, I just waiting for the time to come...
Seem like knocking off together with her boss has become a habit. Her boss will ask if I were to knock off early but for others, she will just acknowledge.
What shall I do today? Nothing except waiting... Another guy had found his 伯乐... When will I find mine? Maybe once an oppounity is missed, it will not come knocking on the doors again... But 天无绝人之路, I just waiting for the time to come...
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
20th October
11 days passed... Her place in my heart haven't change... Have she give up on me already? Today she is sick. A few moments, I wanted to ask how she is.. Did she took any medicine? But it should be he to ask and not me...
Office doesn't seem any difference without her, and I am feeling "better" as I don't need to deliberate put on my "heartless" side, afraid that I will accidentally show my true side. I can be back to normal, have breakfast, "suaning", attend complaints, lunch, chatting, etc with her boss, no need to beware of anything. Think I need to change my leave planning again as her boss ask me to be around when she go overseas... Is that a compliment for my "importance"? I wonder will her boss say the same thing if others leave clash with her? Then her boss asked me why don't I go overseas together with her family.... What a joke...
I think I should "perfect" back my 3 principle, 快，狠，准 (efficient, resolute, accurate). Base on this, I think my working ability will improve... I thought I can also guide her along but I can't find the reason to do it now... If she want to take a step forward, I will be there for her... But I don't think she will want to... Anyway, according to what I and her boss had foreseen, last day of this year will most probably be the last day that we will be around... The usual new year party will become the farewell party for this year...
Office doesn't seem any difference without her, and I am feeling "better" as I don't need to deliberate put on my "heartless" side, afraid that I will accidentally show my true side. I can be back to normal, have breakfast, "suaning", attend complaints, lunch, chatting, etc with her boss, no need to beware of anything. Think I need to change my leave planning again as her boss ask me to be around when she go overseas... Is that a compliment for my "importance"? I wonder will her boss say the same thing if others leave clash with her? Then her boss asked me why don't I go overseas together with her family.... What a joke...
I think I should "perfect" back my 3 principle, 快，狠，准 (efficient, resolute, accurate). Base on this, I think my working ability will improve... I thought I can also guide her along but I can't find the reason to do it now... If she want to take a step forward, I will be there for her... But I don't think she will want to... Anyway, according to what I and her boss had foreseen, last day of this year will most probably be the last day that we will be around... The usual new year party will become the farewell party for this year...
Monday, October 19, 2009
19th October
I think the only way to stop thinking of her is to leave... The whole day I can't stop thinking of her... what she is doing.. I roughly caught a glimpse on her checking on air ticket. First thing came to my mind is she is planning on a trip with him. But even that is the truth, I also don't have any right to stop. When she start to talk to me or message me, my thoughts will run wild again. Thinking I still got chance... But I know that not the truth... I will be "wake up" to face the reality again when I hear her sms tone during lunch hours and I know is from him. Why I can't just forget everything?
Sometime I just can't but believe in fate... An ex-couple ( X & Y) both meet their the other half and get married. Y never attend X wedding dinner and had no idea of where the venue is. But when Y get married, the venue chosen is the same and even the same ballroom. How to explain the coincidence beside fate? Just like me and her.. We both had feelings for each other but not fated to be together... I just had to resign to it...
Seem like getting a partner for me is a "major" concern for her boss. Occasionally her boss will bring up the issue again... Maybe her boss also notice my "good" side, will probably be a "good" boyfriend and husband and last but not least, my working ability even though we keep on bickering.. I think if me and her are together, her boss will be very happy... But too bad.... I am not the one she want...
Sometime I just can't but believe in fate... An ex-couple ( X & Y) both meet their the other half and get married. Y never attend X wedding dinner and had no idea of where the venue is. But when Y get married, the venue chosen is the same and even the same ballroom. How to explain the coincidence beside fate? Just like me and her.. We both had feelings for each other but not fated to be together... I just had to resign to it...
Seem like getting a partner for me is a "major" concern for her boss. Occasionally her boss will bring up the issue again... Maybe her boss also notice my "good" side, will probably be a "good" boyfriend and husband and last but not least, my working ability even though we keep on bickering.. I think if me and her are together, her boss will be very happy... But too bad.... I am not the one she want...
Sunday, October 18, 2009
18th October
因果，因果，有因才有果.. Do that really exist? I wonder what I had done to deserve this... I just want to find a suitable girl that can face everything with me, but it seem like it is hard.... All along I believe no one is perfect.. A person can't have the best of everything... My career might have passed with "flying colors" but in terms of love, I think I had failed... At this moment, I seem to have everything but short of "someone" to move on with me.... Maybe that is call fate...
Can she really forget about my existence? I can't... Does she still visit my blog everyday? How is she and him getting on? Still going on fine I guess... If every girls are like her that can't give up, I think there will not be so much breakup or divorce in the society... Maybe love is really a thing that can't be represent by value... Just like me and her... She can "gain" a lot of stuff if she had be with me but she rather choose him... That the fascination of love.... I hope she will not regret her decision...
I knew she is online... Even switching my msn to online, I also need to consider... I don't want her to be "distracted" by my online msn.. But maybe she will not be "distracted" at all, I guess she had given up on me totally... Only him in her heart.... But in my heart, I still hoping there will be a chance that one day, she will tell me that she had breakup with him and give me a chance...
I try to "force" myself to believe she is not that good... There are other girls out there that is much better than her... I can really be heartless towards her by ignoring her and minimise interaction with her. It is her loss for not cherishing me and one day, he will leave her for another girl.. But at the end of the day, I still can't make myself believe... I guess my love for her is too deep....
Magic show now... Is she watching?? Is a bit awkward if I remind her to watch now... I guess he will surely not reminding her as what I had done in the past.. Watching magic show is not his interest and he is not so attentive to her... Am I right?
Can she really forget about my existence? I can't... Does she still visit my blog everyday? How is she and him getting on? Still going on fine I guess... If every girls are like her that can't give up, I think there will not be so much breakup or divorce in the society... Maybe love is really a thing that can't be represent by value... Just like me and her... She can "gain" a lot of stuff if she had be with me but she rather choose him... That the fascination of love.... I hope she will not regret her decision...
I knew she is online... Even switching my msn to online, I also need to consider... I don't want her to be "distracted" by my online msn.. But maybe she will not be "distracted" at all, I guess she had given up on me totally... Only him in her heart.... But in my heart, I still hoping there will be a chance that one day, she will tell me that she had breakup with him and give me a chance...
I try to "force" myself to believe she is not that good... There are other girls out there that is much better than her... I can really be heartless towards her by ignoring her and minimise interaction with her. It is her loss for not cherishing me and one day, he will leave her for another girl.. But at the end of the day, I still can't make myself believe... I guess my love for her is too deep....
Magic show now... Is she watching?? Is a bit awkward if I remind her to watch now... I guess he will surely not reminding her as what I had done in the past.. Watching magic show is not his interest and he is not so attentive to her... Am I right?
The simplest shutdown...
The most simplest shutdown I had ever gone through is over. Going back this morning to ensure everything is back to normal.. Even though is simple, it is also another exposure to my experience.. Isn't life is like this? Adding pages to it as time goes by....
IF me and her is together, I guess today will not be as boring... Most probably at this time, I am outside with her.... No matter how I wish things to happen, I still can't forced it... I can put in 101% effort but that doesn't mean I will "win".. Is the same everywhere... All I can do is to keep my finger cross... Maybe he is really her 伯乐... Just like the song below
爱你的那一个 伤你的那一个
谁才是你爱情中的伯乐
放弃了这一个 然后等待著下一个
最后哪一个最让你舍不得
感谢不能让别人来说
你给过我的 她们是做不到的
那时候的幸福是真的 虽然过去了
我们也都经历了
释怀教育著仇恨 和平劝著天下人
故事发生了便住下了 不管好的坏的
你让我成长了 就算是痛得值得
爱你的那一个 伤你的那一个
谁才是你爱情中的伯乐
放弃了这一个 然后等待著下一个
一个个过客过得快不快乐
爱你的那一个 伤你的那一个
谁才是你爱情中的伯乐
放弃了这一个 然后等待著下一个
别太多过客祝你早日快乐
离开时别忘了 看看眼前的人
流泪记住了 还是微笑祝福著
伯乐
Up to now, I still asking myself why she want to be with him? If she had chosen me, it will surely be a "brighter and happier" future for her in terms of personal or career... But she want to choose otherwise... That nothing much I can do to change her answer I guess even though I really like her very much... But is there really no chance at all? Maybe by leaving will make me forget about her... What I can do now is to wait for the time to come... Maybe by then, the "consolation" is that I am not leaving alone....
IF me and her is together, I guess today will not be as boring... Most probably at this time, I am outside with her.... No matter how I wish things to happen, I still can't forced it... I can put in 101% effort but that doesn't mean I will "win".. Is the same everywhere... All I can do is to keep my finger cross... Maybe he is really her 伯乐... Just like the song below
爱你的那一个 伤你的那一个
谁才是你爱情中的伯乐
放弃了这一个 然后等待著下一个
最后哪一个最让你舍不得
感谢不能让别人来说
你给过我的 她们是做不到的
那时候的幸福是真的 虽然过去了
我们也都经历了
释怀教育著仇恨 和平劝著天下人
故事发生了便住下了 不管好的坏的
你让我成长了 就算是痛得值得
爱你的那一个 伤你的那一个
谁才是你爱情中的伯乐
放弃了这一个 然后等待著下一个
一个个过客过得快不快乐
爱你的那一个 伤你的那一个
谁才是你爱情中的伯乐
放弃了这一个 然后等待著下一个
别太多过客祝你早日快乐
离开时别忘了 看看眼前的人
流泪记住了 还是微笑祝福著
伯乐
Up to now, I still asking myself why she want to be with him? If she had chosen me, it will surely be a "brighter and happier" future for her in terms of personal or career... But she want to choose otherwise... That nothing much I can do to change her answer I guess even though I really like her very much... But is there really no chance at all? Maybe by leaving will make me forget about her... What I can do now is to wait for the time to come... Maybe by then, the "consolation" is that I am not leaving alone....
Saturday, October 17, 2009
17th October
Another day gone... Even today is public holiday but I still had to go to another site for power shutdown testing... Waking up in the morning with a headache... No choice but to take panadol and go to work.... Tomorrow had to go back to ensure everything is back to normal.. Sometime I think why I work so hard for?
Feeling very very tired... Thought going back home can rest but this idiotic home is full of nonsense... Then got this idiotic person thought she is "very great", everything she do is right, always creating problems with others... and worse, her thinking can't be changed... Why finding someone to understand me and sharing my feelings with is so hard? Am I really that inferior?
Today is Saturday again... I know she is with him and most probably staying at his house... But I don't feel as "negative" as in the past... Does that mean my heart had start to let go?
Our working style is different resulting in many feedbacks regarding her... I think it is pointless for me to continue to "assist" in her affairs... Since we can't go a step further, I think any unhappy or difficulties, she should counsel him or turn to him for support.... as he is the one she chosen....
Come across this song by Andy Lau.. I like the lyrics...
我我为你付出所有的
我的担心我的甜蜜我的呼吸
你的笑绝对的神奇你的哭绝对的可惜
因为你让我明白生命的真谛
可知道你的不小心会让我伤心一辈子
我是愿意为了你今生永不渝
为我你要好好自己保护自己
慢慢的学习不要干着急
一步一步走出每一个谷底坚定不移
为我你要好好自己保重身体
在每一段的路总会一身污泥
心肝宝贝不要怀疑最爱的就是你(最爱的是你)
你你是我一生的唯一
你的声音你的鼓励我的意义
如果没好好的身体
你我怎能永远在一起
外面的风和雨已不是问题
你永远是我的心肝,而我已不是你的宝贝
心肝宝贝
Feeling very very tired... Thought going back home can rest but this idiotic home is full of nonsense... Then got this idiotic person thought she is "very great", everything she do is right, always creating problems with others... and worse, her thinking can't be changed... Why finding someone to understand me and sharing my feelings with is so hard? Am I really that inferior?
Today is Saturday again... I know she is with him and most probably staying at his house... But I don't feel as "negative" as in the past... Does that mean my heart had start to let go?
Our working style is different resulting in many feedbacks regarding her... I think it is pointless for me to continue to "assist" in her affairs... Since we can't go a step further, I think any unhappy or difficulties, she should counsel him or turn to him for support.... as he is the one she chosen....
Come across this song by Andy Lau.. I like the lyrics...
我我为你付出所有的
我的担心我的甜蜜我的呼吸
你的笑绝对的神奇你的哭绝对的可惜
因为你让我明白生命的真谛
可知道你的不小心会让我伤心一辈子
我是愿意为了你今生永不渝
为我你要好好自己保护自己
慢慢的学习不要干着急
一步一步走出每一个谷底坚定不移
为我你要好好自己保重身体
在每一段的路总会一身污泥
心肝宝贝不要怀疑最爱的就是你(最爱的是你)
你你是我一生的唯一
你的声音你的鼓励我的意义
如果没好好的身体
你我怎能永远在一起
外面的风和雨已不是问题
你永远是我的心肝,而我已不是你的宝贝
心肝宝贝
Friday, October 16, 2009
16th October
Had a headache at the end of the day... Will there be anyone that bother about it anyway? 7 days already... I wonder how she is feeling now? How is she and him? I think she is happy as there is no much "misery" and enjoying his accompany...
Today bought porridge for the team.. Partly is because I saw her eating biscuits for breakfast everyday... It will be heaty and she is not feeling well... The other reason is for her sick boss...
How many persons look at the goods and bads before making a decision? Often, no matter how good is a person, as long as there is a mistake, all the goods of his will be reduced to zero... Isn't that always the case?
Today is the longest "discussion" I had with her boss... It seem like if we both were to leave, the whole office will 变天... But when it had to come, it will have to come... That is nothing such as everlasting... I can feel that her boss is ready to leave... "She" seem to have a lot to learn but I don't think I can guide her much... Since she already choose he is the one, I hope he can advise or support her.... be it personal or career.....
Her boss still believe there might be a chance that I will take over her position... Am I really that capable? Will that really happen? When will the scene of having meals together with her boss going to end? Soon I guess....
Today bought porridge for the team.. Partly is because I saw her eating biscuits for breakfast everyday... It will be heaty and she is not feeling well... The other reason is for her sick boss...
How many persons look at the goods and bads before making a decision? Often, no matter how good is a person, as long as there is a mistake, all the goods of his will be reduced to zero... Isn't that always the case?
Today is the longest "discussion" I had with her boss... It seem like if we both were to leave, the whole office will 变天... But when it had to come, it will have to come... That is nothing such as everlasting... I can feel that her boss is ready to leave... "She" seem to have a lot to learn but I don't think I can guide her much... Since she already choose he is the one, I hope he can advise or support her.... be it personal or career.....
Her boss still believe there might be a chance that I will take over her position... Am I really that capable? Will that really happen? When will the scene of having meals together with her boss going to end? Soon I guess....
Thursday, October 15, 2009
15th October
Day by day passed... I should feel happy as I don't need to "suppress" my career ambition... I know I am progressing in these few days but I am not happy at all... Isn't to climb higher is my dream? I rather go back to the past when with her... Even though I am staying put during that time, but as long as with her, I will be happy... How I wish time will fade everything that I want to forget....
Today she still seem like not feeling well... I wanted to show her my concern but I think I shouldn't bring any more "misery" to anyone... Just let her think I am "heartless".....
It seem like in this market, those with engineering background will go far... such as the overseas FM also got engineering background... Will I be one of them also?
我要用力飞, 不管有多远
超越了极限, 挑战的冒险
我要勇敢追, 奔向到终点
痛过的泪水, 换来是甜美
Today she still seem like not feeling well... I wanted to show her my concern but I think I shouldn't bring any more "misery" to anyone... Just let her think I am "heartless".....
It seem like in this market, those with engineering background will go far... such as the overseas FM also got engineering background... Will I be one of them also?
我要用力飞, 不管有多远
超越了极限, 挑战的冒险
我要勇敢追, 奔向到终点
痛过的泪水, 换来是甜美
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
14th October
Another day went past.... Nothing much happened today... She seem tired and most of the time remain quiet... I think she is just too tired due to the cold and nothing else on him... Better don't think too much... A few times, I wanted to ask her if she is feeling unwell from the cold but in the end, I just put up my "don't care" face... Up to now, I still think we are suitable for each other but.... I can't deny my work ability is not that bad, a guy that do household chores, just like watching dishes at the pantry today and inside the lift during knocking off, a user seem surprise when I discuss with the site manager on cooking issue... Why don't she want to be with a "good" guy like me? I can say that my heart is still open to her now, waiting for her to give me a chance...
Her boss tell me to "work hard" when she saw a wedding invitation card. Isn't I working very hard? Just that the girl don't want me... What is her intention of telling me? Does she hinting that my career is stable and I am a "good" guy, so finding a girlfriend shouldn't be a problem?
Work seem slack to me... Whole day nothing to do and end up doing jobs that doesn't belong to me.... But due to I had "hands on", I can reveal much more opinions from different angles... After these few days, it seem like there is still a gap between her level and the level of me and her boss... But given this situation, I am not required to help her to "bridge" to our level... I should just concentrate on my own career and bring it to further height...
She is online tonight again but as usual, I just remain offline again... I guess she will feel better this way... no need to think too much.... just him only....
Her boss tell me to "work hard" when she saw a wedding invitation card. Isn't I working very hard? Just that the girl don't want me... What is her intention of telling me? Does she hinting that my career is stable and I am a "good" guy, so finding a girlfriend shouldn't be a problem?
Work seem slack to me... Whole day nothing to do and end up doing jobs that doesn't belong to me.... But due to I had "hands on", I can reveal much more opinions from different angles... After these few days, it seem like there is still a gap between her level and the level of me and her boss... But given this situation, I am not required to help her to "bridge" to our level... I should just concentrate on my own career and bring it to further height...
She is online tonight again but as usual, I just remain offline again... I guess she will feel better this way... no need to think too much.... just him only....
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
13th October
Quite a fulfill day today... Accompany site manager with the overseas visitor and coffee session.. Leave office around 8pm after a discussion.. After today, I am more confident to say I am ready to take over a management role. Only those that had go through before will have a clearer picture and by looking at different angels will make me foreseen the difficulties that may occurred.. The visitor visit had somehow widen my exposure... I think if not for appointment issue, I can learn much more.... but too late to regret now... I had emphasis too much on money factor during that time... If not, I most probably be the deputy...
Since love path doesn't seem smooth to me, I should concentrate on my career... Everyday I will try to learn as much as I can... especially the way of management and issue solving... I guess those working with me will feel "threaten" when I ignite my flame of ambition....
Had come across this song today, take a bow by Rihanna. Not sure why, a portion of the lyrics seem to attract me. The lyrics as follow:
"But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
Now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now (but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow
But it's over now..."
Since love path doesn't seem smooth to me, I should concentrate on my career... Everyday I will try to learn as much as I can... especially the way of management and issue solving... I guess those working with me will feel "threaten" when I ignite my flame of ambition....
Had come across this song today, take a bow by Rihanna. Not sure why, a portion of the lyrics seem to attract me. The lyrics as follow:
"But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
Now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now (but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow
But it's over now..."
12th October, 3rd day...
3rd day "without" her. Got an unusual feeling today for not bchat with her but somehow time just went past... Ask her wanted to join me and another colleague for lunch but she rejected, saying she wanted to buy some stuff. I guess if nothing happened, she will ask me to go with her.
Sometime I really envy her. To me, her working ability isn't greater than me but due to her appointment, she always got the "recognition" and oppounities to learn more stuff. When problem arise, then I will be remember. Why is it always like this? I swear I will not remain behind the backstage forever... I think the only solution is to leave this place...
Shaking leg everyday in office, got a feeling like counting the number of days left.. Her boss ask me how is the "status" and I just answer "waiting". On our way back home, we talked about the same topic again and booked the restaurant for their tomorrow lunch. This restaurant her boss had treat me on Dec 06 when I just joined this job for 3 months. Time passed so quickly...
Have she still come to read my blog? Does she know I still like her very much? There is another girl that I can woo but I know the feeling is just not there. I admit her appearance is better but her character is just not the one I looking for. I think I shouldn't waste this girl time... Anyway, I am used to been alone... Lonliness, my long time friend had came back to me...
Why in the past, she didn't online as often? These 2 days, I always saw her online but I just remain offline... Don't want to soften my heart again. Wanted to send her a good night sms but I hold back... I should continue to "endure" till I left... Stop bringing misery to others... I had start all these troubles, so I will be the one to end it...
Sometime I really envy her. To me, her working ability isn't greater than me but due to her appointment, she always got the "recognition" and oppounities to learn more stuff. When problem arise, then I will be remember. Why is it always like this? I swear I will not remain behind the backstage forever... I think the only solution is to leave this place...
Shaking leg everyday in office, got a feeling like counting the number of days left.. Her boss ask me how is the "status" and I just answer "waiting". On our way back home, we talked about the same topic again and booked the restaurant for their tomorrow lunch. This restaurant her boss had treat me on Dec 06 when I just joined this job for 3 months. Time passed so quickly...
Have she still come to read my blog? Does she know I still like her very much? There is another girl that I can woo but I know the feeling is just not there. I admit her appearance is better but her character is just not the one I looking for. I think I shouldn't waste this girl time... Anyway, I am used to been alone... Lonliness, my long time friend had came back to me...
Why in the past, she didn't online as often? These 2 days, I always saw her online but I just remain offline... Don't want to soften my heart again. Wanted to send her a good night sms but I hold back... I should continue to "endure" till I left... Stop bringing misery to others... I had start all these troubles, so I will be the one to end it...
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