20th June

As usual, I was back in the office even though is saturday. Actually today I can go off early, but as she said she is coming back in the afternoon, I waited for her to come and do carpet inspection with her. After everything completed, I asked her if she want to go walk walk. She agreed and as we walked, I found out the answer that unfold my doubt, she is attached and already together for 2 years. This explained why I always seen her sms-ing which I thought is to normal friend. Got a sudden sadness rush to my heart. Why? Is it due to the feelings that had stayed in my heart since dunno when.... But I still walk with her from my office to esplanade then to marina where she had arranged to meet her boyfriend.

When I first heard she is meeting her boyfriend, I thought my ears is playing a joke on me. Initially, I choose to escape from the truth but later come to think of it, I decided to confirm and face it, no point hiding, as it will be just lying to myself...

Inside esplanade library, I asked her if love and career is placed in front of her, what would she choose? She answered it would be love. At that moment, I would want to let her know that if there is anything that can make me stay in my current job, it would be her. Although if I were to switch job, my prospect will definitely be better, but I don't mind sacrifice career for her sake... Now I finally understand why the recent taiwan drama that I had just finished "败犬女皇" , the male actor can sacrifice his career for the actress, the power of love....

Something I find it funny,
1. If she is attached, why her daily routine is like work and home only?
2. Why an attached gal don't show some "reject-ness" from a guy whom is behaving more than a normal colleague or even a normal friend?
3. When going out, why we can behave like a couple? Walk from place to place, talk and joke freely, discuss from heaven to earth and even personal stuff?
4. How can a boyfriend only spend time with his girlfriend once or twice a week, isn't that too few times??

Maybe that is her usual way of treating "friends" but definitely from my angle, I am not treating her as a normal friend, she has gone beyond that level in my heart....

These few days I ask myself why an average looking gal can cause me to have special feelings for her? Maybe is the imperfect in her that made her become perfect to me, a feeling that never occur to me before.. Last time when I saw her, I don't have a deep impression of her, just a normal colleague.. Maybe after she transferred to this site and we have plenty of chances working together, I get to know her more and find her character, interest, etc. attracted me...

Even though the truth is out, I will still treat her the same. Just like the traditional saying "you can don't like me but you can't stop me from liking you". I will continue to support her from behind and pave her way to better working relationship with rest of the team till my last day at the site.

All I can wish now is to move her heart in the near future but that doesn't make I hope she breakup with her boyfriend... I respect her decision... At least, please don't try to keep a distance from me...

Fate just like to play a fool on me.....