Last day of November

Site manager will be back the day after tomorrow... It seem so fast.. Maybe is partly due to the long weekend, which don't seem like one to me... as I had came back almost everyday. As she had told me to handle the conversion works and look after the daily happenings, I will fulfill her "request".

Seem like I getting more "popular" in the team. My "getting along" list is increasing. Is that a good sign?? Don't know and don't wish to crack my head... Just want to live everyday to it fullest before that day came...

I surprise site manager still remember me even though she on holiday... Receive her sms... That the bonding that we had...

23rd November

It has been some time since my last update. I should be free to do it since I on leave but something seem to keep me occupied... Recent happenings had made me and site manager more closer.. My interaction with her never seem to have a break... Even during my leave, she will leak what had happen in office... and as usual "suaning" each other in the end... Haha.

Is the path I walking is predestined? Everything seem to be interlink.. After so many twist and turn, it just lead the bonding between my site manager and me to be stronger. But I had to admit my luck is bad.. Measuring my ability with my salary is imbalance... The only consolation is someone recognise my ability...

I am the only one in the team that shared more "sensitive" issue with site manager. She had shared her thoughts with me which I don't want to say much... The environment that we had put in so much effort to "construct", will it still remain? But today, I know money is not that important to some of us. Only those that belong to the team will understand that... Site manager had told me not to be rush into any decision as it might have some "after effect"... Will see how...

19th November

I think I had become one of the regular lunch partner. Even on leave, I am also having lunch with her.

I remember a drama say before. "There is no good or bad emperor but if all the civilians want you to leave, there is no point to stay on. What for holding on the empire when no one is supporting."

Great show will be coming out soon. I will just play along since the director want it that way. Not I cruel but just to let others face the decision they made. At the same time, I can also test my value inside the chaos... Auto pilot? Hope it don't crash into the sea then...

Now I just keep my finger cross, hoping that discussed thing will happen... Leaving this boat and join another boat... Smaller never mind as long as the bonding can continue...

18th November

3 days of course over... Seem quite fast. The exam seem easy to me but I don't want to take it so easily as complacence is the sign for failure.

Having lunch at some where near the training centre. Got a feeling that is the environment she living in.. Those shops and markets... By now, I shouldn't have feel anything that is related to her... But why I still have the strange feeling?

Even though these few days I not in office, my site manager will still sms me at times... Maybe that is the bonding we share...

Haiz, time to prepare my resume.. That a sad thing for me but I still need to do it... If that the path destined for me, I shall jolly walk it...

16th November

My 1 week leave starting from today but I don't feel any special... Maybe is another tiring course that I am going to attend and after which, my value will increase again... Will the office be of any differences without my presence? I hope my site manager will not be "crippled" without me... Haha.

People can say 1001 things... How many can do it is a different story... Just like my site manager always say one team.. The team is big but the actual one team only consist of 4 persons... Maybe is due to the 3 is been together with the site manager for some time... It is easy to say but only action will tells... Even my manager agrees that...

Company throw me to a useless course... Almost all are workers from construction field... I think I am the highest qualification person to attend the course... Haha... Luckily is only a 3 day course.. If ask me to come to this "ulu" place everyday will be a nightmare... Looking at the map, if I am not wrong, this training centre is near to where she lived...

Others get call up for interview while I didn't, but I not in the least jealous... Because I know what I can experience now, I don't think I can get it outside...

14th November

Saturday again... Another week lesser towards D-day... It seem like even if I successfully been recruited, the environment will not be the same... But there is nothing I can do... Should I continue to stay and continue the job? Or I should just go to other place?

Today is the first time I having lunch with my site manager and her 3 daughters... Maybe they are still young, no much problems to bother, always full of laughter. But they are lucky to be in a "happy" family... not like me...

A good site manager can be patient and accept "mistakes" from her team. If it is me, I will also give chances but if the same mistakes still repeated... sorry then... As I believe small matters can't handled, big matters no need to say...

Sometime is best not to know the fact.. Just continue to be normal self and assume nothing going on... and don't expect there will be better "rewards" as do that person think he deserved it in the first place? I believe everything come with a price. If I set myself a certain price, I think I am worth that price. How good a person is not determine by that person itself but by others how they see it...

My friends asked me if I were to cross over and do I mind if someone have to be kicked out so I can feel the slot. My answer is other than my site manager, the rest is none of my business as this market is realistic. If that person choose not to have any links with me, then I don't need to consider...

11th November

A kind of sad feeling getting stronger as year coming to an end... I don't know if others feel the same but the 2 saddest person will be site manager and me. Maybe we had put in too much effort and personal feeling... I can foreseen everything will be changing.. the team will not be the same.. I can see site manager also wish that everything will be the same... especially the team that been with her for 3 years... the tacit bonding...

I guess I am the only one that under her and can talk about "confidential" stuff... We can still sms rubbish after going home... I wonder if there is still got this kind of manager exists in the market...

She had told me to continue to support other incoming manager IF she really not around... Others also tell me not to "abandon" them if their boss left... What should I do? It will be best if some company can just poach the tacit team over...

To be the devil or the angel will depend on how it goes... Let see if I have the ability to create a wave.... Haha...

I had been asking myself, is I have overlook the flaws in the first place or am I just been biased? Is none of the 2... There are no flaws in the first place, so how can I overlook? Just that there are too many ways of doing things... Different environment will have different type of persons... and is just too bad..... ...

I thought others will feel pity for my giving up but instead they are very supportive of my decision... Can I say I make the correct choice?

9th November

Not going out for lunch today and site manager help me to packet back... And I got an update for the latest news... Sad to say, it seem like everything is going to end... Haiz.... I don't know what the upper management is planning.. Since they want to try, just go ahead... I can be the angel that assist but I also can be the devil that wash my hands in everything.. I only work for this site manager, others came, not only me, but the others will also not be so "active".. everyone will just do their part and worst scenerio, we all got our respective backup plans...

I can say the working relationship between site manager and me is beyond boss and subordinate... But too bad... I can just keep my finger cross....

When doing something, one can see if that person is putting it heart in... Is it I am biased or I had over expected.... I think it is the latter after talking to so many people...

Another sad thing, my knee cap start to pain again... Maybe is true that sad things don't come alone...

7th November

Today had a long lunch with site manager... 2.5 hrs... We discuss on the topic again and our views... I wonder what is it like after she left... It will be a different world.... Although our way of working is similar but I just can't be as "kind hearted" as her.. can tolerate and find "reasons" for the failure after it has failed a few times... I believe there will be sacrifice in order to achieve something... is just a matter of how big the sacrifice is... If something can't be perform after I had done what I can, I will just be "cruel" to give up...

Different levels will have different opinions on the same thing... I told her a 3rd party view on certain thing and she seem to be surprise as she had thought opposite... But I guess she also agreed in the end....

I start to realise my "worth" in the team.. Even though I am away from the site, "they" request me to go back for lunch and at the same time help out in something... Is that what I should be proud of? Haha..

Can the "dream" office combination happen? I hope so...

3rd November

From been always together talking to the current speechless doing own stuff, I wonder will anyone notice the difference. There is nothing I can do beside resigning to it...

Although I had lost "something" but I can feel the things I gaining is more. Just like today, somehow I got the chance to meet the Hong Kong project team. I also start to "socialise" with other users. Maybe this is a step needed to reach my goal. But what make me happy is I know who is the person that site manager had brought up my name to. Best thing now will be that person just mention to the relevant party "I want him to be in the company". But if that person never mention also never mind, there will be a 2nd way for me to be made known to this company.

Looking at the appointment, I ask myself if I am "qualified" to hold it. Will I be too "immature" for that post? I think the answer is no. I might not be the best but definitely I am not the worst... To be so sure, I sure have my reasons.... Haha...

28th October - 2nd November

Sometime when a person ask for something, he must know does he have the ability to command it. If his head is not that big, then don't wear such a big hat.... Why force oneself to do something that the heart is not there... Others will also notice that it is not doing willingly... Don't just do for the sake of others... No matter how a person try to "perfect" a square into a circle, it still not a circle even though it is of curve edges... unless that person change the shape from it foundation...

I think my whereabout and things that related to my career will be going into a "mystery" stage from now on as I heard my name been mentioned by my site manager to another person.. I guess I just keep my finger cross for the time being... Not going to reveal any more info as I always like to take people by surprise... I believe I will get what I want soon...

A "wonderful" team is what others labeling to the current team I am in... Site manager "reminded" them don't expect the same from other sites... Hahahaa...

I believe in 因果. The effort I put in will reap back the harvest some day... My "用心" will not gone down to drain... Site manager had told me to endure for a while IF I can successfully crossed over and been posted to "other" site, she will try to "pull" me back... Maybe this is the fruit of my effort and an "assurance" from her...

I should not regret for things that happened but happy that it over.. Why should I regret when it is not me that on the losing side in the end? I should look forward and anticipate what is meant for me..

I thought I am biased but I realised I am not the only to have the same view.. Even the most unexpected person that I had thought would have that kind of opinion, also said it had noticed that... It really surprised me.... Not to say there is anything wrong but is just don't suit the way of the usual past...

Thinking back is really unpredictable... In the past, when site manager asked me to join her and others for lunch, I will reject.. But now is a 360 degree different... Eating together has become a routine... How long will this last?

Should I call it a coincidence? Due to something on, I had to leave earlier and site manager also leave around the same time... To others, it may seem that we had "arranged" to leave together.... But it will be boring if any one of us were to stay behind as usually is only both of us talking... Her 2 younger daughters also seem to be getting more familiar with me as I had saw and talk to them a few times...

Initially, site manager already had lunch appointment and I guessed I will be skipping lunch again... But somehow she asked me if I wanted to join her... Where to find such a manager that will think for those under her? I not sure if it is the same to others but to me, there is a certain degree of difference...

While watching channel 8 drama, I come across a phrase that I like. "If life is like a road, I will be the sports car that is driving at 100 km/h and pushing all the other cars behind." At the current stage, I think I am a car that haven't fully been utilised yet... Through exposure, experience and a good mechanic, I sure the car will performed better... I had met a good mechanic whom is willing to guide me and I am gaining more exposure through her.. I think it shouldn't be long that the car performance will increase... "In order to be successful, I need to command the respect of my subordinate." I think somehow I had done quite good in that area...